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Khan Academy Blog

Introducing Khanmigo’s New Academic Essay Feedback Tool

posted on November 29, 2023

By Sarah Robertson , senior product manager at Khan Academy

Khan Academy has always been about leveraging technology to deliver world-class educational experiences to students everywhere. We think the newest AI-powered feature in our Khanmigo pilot—our Academic Essay Feedback tool—is a groundbreaking step toward revolutionizing how students improve their writing skills.

The reality of writing instruction

Here’s a word problem for you: A ninth-grade English teacher assigns a two-page essay to 100 students. If she limits herself to spending 10 minutes per essay providing personalized, detailed feedback on each draft, how many hours will it take her to finish reviewing all 100 essays?

The answer is that it would take her nearly 17 hours —and that’s just for the first draft!

Research tells us that the most effective methods of improving student writing skills require feedback to be focused, actionable, aligned to clear objectives, and delivered often and in a timely manner . 

The unfortunate reality is that teachers are unable to provide this level of feedback to students as often as students need it—and they need it now more than ever. Only 25% of eighth and twelfth graders are proficient in writing, according to the most recent NAEP scores .

An AI writing tutor for every student

Developed by experts in English Language Arts (ELA) and writing instruction, the pilot Khanmigo Academic Essay Feedback tool uses AI to offer students specific, immediate, and actionable feedback on their argumentative, expository, or literary analysis essays. 

Unlike other AI-powered writing tools, the Academic Essay Feedback tool isn’t limited to giving feedback on sentence- or language-level issues alone, like grammar or spelling. Instead, it provides feedback on areas like essay structure and organization, how well students support their arguments, introduction and conclusion, and style and tone.

The tool also doesn’t just stop at providing feedback, it also guides students through the revision process. Students can view highlighted feedback, ask clarifying questions, see exemplar writing, make revisions, and ask for further review—without the AI doing any actual writing for them.

Unique features of Khanmigo pilot Academic Essay Feedback tool

• Immediate, personalized feedback: within seconds, students get detailed, actionable, grade-level-appropriate feedback (both praise and constructive) that is personalized to their specific writing assignment and tied directly to interactive highlights in their essay.
• Comprehensive approach: feedback covers a wide range of writing skills, from crafting an engaging yet focused introduction and thesis, to overall essay structure and organization, to style and tone, to alignment and use of evidence.
• Interactive revision process: students can interact with Khanmigo to ask questions about specific pieces of feedback, get examples of model writing, make immediate revisions based on the feedback, and see if their revisions addressed the suggestion.
• Support for various essay types: the tool is versatile and assists with multi-paragraph persuasive, argumentative, explanatory, and literary analysis essay assignments for grades 8-12 (and more, coming soon).
• Focus on instruction and growth: like all Khanmigo features, the Academic Essay Feedback tool will not do the work for the student. Teachers and parents can rest assured that Khanmigo is there to improve the students’ independent writing skills, not provide one-click suggested revisions.

How parents can use Khanmigo’s Academic Essay Feedback tool

Any student with Khanmigo access can find the feedback tool under the “Write” category on their AI Activities menu. 

For academic essays, students should simply paste their first draft into the essay field, select their grade level and essay type, and provide the essay instructions from the teacher.

Students then click “Submit” and feedback begins generating. Once Khanmigo is done generating feedback, students can work their way through the suggestions for each category, chat with Khanmigo for help, make revisions, and resolve feedback. They can then submit their second draft for another round of feedback, or copy the final draft to submit to their teacher.

Bringing Khanmigo to your classroom, school, or district

Teachers in Khan Academy Districts partnerships can begin using the Khanmigo Academic Essay Feedback tool with their students right away. Simply direct students to the feedback tool under the “Write” category on their AI Activities menu.

Like all other Khanmigo activities, students’ interactions are monitored and moderated for safety. Teachers or parents can view the student’s initial draft, AI-generated feedback, chat history, and final draft in the student’s chat history. If anything is flagged for moderation, teachers or parents will receive an email notification.

Looking ahead

With the Academic Essay Feedback tool in our Khanmigo pilot, teachers and parents can empower students to take charge of their writing.The tool helps facilitate a deeper understanding of effective writing techniques and encourages self-improvement. For teachers, we think this tool is a valuable ally, enabling them to provide more frequent, timely, detailed, and actionable feedback for students on multiple drafts.

In the coming months, we’ll be launching exciting improvements to the tool and even more writing resources for learners, parents, teachers, and administrators:

• The ability for teachers to create an essay-revision assignment for their students on Khan Academy
• More varied feedback areas and flexibility in what feedback is given
• Support for students in essay outlining and drafting
• Insights for teachers and parents into their students’ full writing process

Stay tuned!

Sarah Robertson is a senior product manager at Khan Academy. She has a M.Ed. in Curriculum and Instruction and over a decade of experience teaching English, developing curriculum, and creating software products that have helped tens of millions of students improve their reading and writing skills.

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• 10 Types of Essay Feedback and How to Respond to Them

The moment of truth has arrived: you’ve got your marked essay back and you’re eagerly scanning through it, taking in the amount of red pen, and looking at the grade and hastily scrawled feedback at the end.

After deciphering the handwriting, you’re able to see a brief assessment of how you’ve performed in this essay, and your heart either leaps or sinks. Ideally, you’d receive detailed feedback telling you exactly where you fell short and providing helpful guidance on how to improve next time. However, the person marking your essay probably doesn’t have time for that, so instead leaves you very brief remarks that you then have to decode in order to understand how you can do better. In this article, we look at some of the common sorts of remarks you might receive in essay feedback, what they mean, and how to respond to them or take them on board so that you can write a better essay next time – no matter how good this one was!

1. “Too heavily reliant on critics”

We all fall into the trap of regurgitating whatever scholarship we happen to have read in the run-up to writing the essay, and it’s a problem that reveals that many students have no idea what their own opinion is. We’re so busy paraphrasing what scholars have said that we forget to think about whether we actually agree with what they’ve said. This is an issue we discussed in a recent article on developing your own opinion , in which we talked about how to approach scholarship with an open and critical mind, make up your own mind and give your own opinion in your essays. If you’ve received this kind of feedback, the person marking your essay has probably noticed that you’ve followed exactly the same line of thinking as one or more of the books on your reading list, without offering any kind of original comment. Take a look at the article linked to just now and you’ll soon be developing your own responses.

2. “Too short”

If your essay falls significantly short of the prescribed word count, this could suggest that you haven’t put in enough work. Most essays will require extensive reading before you can do a topic justice, and if you’ve struggled to fill the word count, it’s almost certainly because you haven’t done enough reading, and you’ve therefore missed out a significant line of enquiry. This is perhaps a sign that you’ve left it too late to write your essay, resulting in a rushed and incomplete essay (even if you consider it finished, it’s not complete if it hasn’t touched on topics of major relevance). This problem can be alleviated by effective time management, allowing plenty of time for the research phase of your essay and then enough time to write a detailed essay that touches on all the important arguments. If you’re struggling to think of things to say in your essay, try reading something on the topic that you haven’t read before. This will offer you a fresh perspective to talk about, and possibly help you to understand the topic clearly enough to start making more of your own comments about it.

3. “Too long”

[pullquote] “The present letter is a very long one, simply because I had no leisure to make it shorter” – Blaise Pascal [/pullquote]It sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s actually much easier to write an essay that’s too long than one that’s too short. This is because we’re all prone to waffling when we’re not entirely sure what we want to say, and/or because we want to show the person marking our essay that we’ve read extensively, even when some of the material we’ve read isn’t strictly relevant to the essay question we’ve been set. But the word count is there for a reason: it forces you to be clear and concise, leaving out what isn’t relevant. A short (say, 500-word) essay is actually a challenging academic exercise, so if you see fit to write twice the number of words, the person marking the essay is unlikely to be impressed. Fifty to a hundred words over the limit probably won’t be too much of an issue if that’s less than 10% of the word count, and will probably go unnoticed, but if you’ve ended up with something significantly over this, it’s time to start trimming. Re-read what you’ve written and scrutinise every single line. Does it add anything to your argument? Are you saying in ten words what could be said in three? Is there a whole paragraph that doesn’t really contribute to developing your argument? If so, get rid of it. This kind of ruthless editing and rephrasing can quickly bring your word count down, and it results in a much tighter and more carefully worded essay.

4. “Contradicts itself”

Undermining your own argument is an embarrassing mistake to make, but you can do it without realising when you’ve spent so long tweaking your essay that you can no longer see the wood for the trees. Contradicting yourself in an essay is also a sign that you haven’t completely understood the issues and haven’t formed a clear opinion on what the evidence shows. To avoid this error, have a detailed read through your essay before you submit it and look in particular detail at the statements you make. Looking at them in essence and in isolation, do any of them contradict each other? If so, decide which you think is more convincing and make your argument accordingly.

5. “Too many quotations”

It’s all too easy to hide behind the words of others when one is unsure of something, or lacking a complete understanding of a topic. This insecurity leads us to quote extensively from either original sources or scholars, including long chunks of quoted text as a nifty way of upping the word count without having to reveal our own ignorance (too much). But you won’t fool the person marking your essay by doing this: they’ll see immediately that you’re relying too heavily on the words of others, without enough intelligent supporting commentary, and it’s particularly revealing when most of the quotations are from the same source (which shows that you haven’t read widely enough). It’s good to include some quotations from a range of different sources, as it adds colour to your essay, shows that you’ve read widely and demonstrates that you’re thinking about different kinds of evidence. However, if you’ve received this kind of feedback, you can improve your next essay by not quoting more than a sentence at a time, making the majority of the text of your essay your own words, and including plenty of your own interpretation and responses to what you’ve quoted. Another word of advice regarding quotations: one of my tutors once told me is that one should never end an essay on a quotation. You may think that this is a clever way of bringing your essay to a conclusion, but actually you’re giving the last word to someone else when it’s your essay, and you should make the final intelligent closing remark. Quoting someone else at the end is a cop-out that some students use to get out of the tricky task of writing a strong final sentence, so however difficult the alternative may seem, don’t do it!

6. “Not enough evidence”

In an essay, every point you make must be backed up with supporting evidence – it’s one of the fundamental tenets of academia. You can’t make a claim unless you can show what has lead you to it, whether that’s a passage in an original historical source, the result of some scientific research, or any other form of information that would lend credibility to your statement. A related problem is that some students will quote a scholar’s opinion as though it were concrete evidence of something; in fact, that is just one person’s opinion, and that opinion has been influenced by the scholar’s own biases. The evidence they based the opinion on might be tenuous, so it’s that evidence you should be looking at, not the actual opinion of the scholar themselves. As you write your essay, make a point of checking that everything you’ve said is adequately supported.

7. “All over the place” / “Confused”

An essay described as “all over the place” – or words to that effect – reveals that the student who wrote it hasn’t developed a clear line of argument, and that they are going off at tangents and using an incoherent structure in which one point doesn’t seem to bear any relation to the previous one. A tight structure is vital in essay-writing, as it holds the reader’s interest and helps build your argument to a logical conclusion. You can avoid your essay seeming confused by writing an essay plan before you start. This will help you get the structure right and be clear about what you want to say before you start writing.

8. “Misses the point”

This feedback can feel particularly damning if you’ve spent a long time writing what you thought was a carefully constructed essay. A simple reason might be that you didn’t read the question carefully enough. But it’s also a problem that arises when students spend too long looking at less relevant sources and not enough at the most important ones, because they ran out of time, or because they didn’t approach their reading lists in the right order, or because they failed to identify correctly which the most important sources actually were. This leads to students focusing on the wrong thing, or perhaps getting lost in the details. The tutor marking the essay, who has a well-rounded view of the topic, will be baffled if you’ve devoted much of your essay to discussing something you thought was important, but which they know to be a minor detail when compared with the underlying point. If you’re not sure which items on your reading list to tackle first, you could try asking your tutor next time if they could give you some pointers on which of the material they recommend you focus on first. It can also be helpful to prompt yourself from time to time with the question “What is the point?”, as this will remind you to take a step back and figure out what the core issues are.

9. “Poor presentation”

This kind of remark is likely to refer to issues with the formatting of your essay, spelling and punctuation, or general style. Impeccable spelling and grammar are a must, so proofread your essay before you submit it and check that there are no careless typos (computer spell checks don’t always pick these up). In terms of your writing style, you might get a comment like this if the essay marker found your writing either boring or in a style inappropriate to the context of a formal essay. Finally, looks matter: use a sensible, easy-to-read font, print with good-quality ink and paper if you’re printing, and write neatly and legibly if you’re handwriting. Your essay should be as easy to read as possible for the person marking it, as this lessens their workload and makes them feel more positively towards your work.

10. “Very good”

On the face of it, this is the sort of essay feedback every student wants to hear. But when you think about it, it’s not actually very helpful – particularly when it’s accompanied by a mark that wasn’t as high as you were aiming for. With these two words, you have no idea why you didn’t achieve top marks. In the face of such (frankly lazy) marking from your teacher or lecturer, the best response is to be pleased that you’ve received a positive comment, but to go to the person who marked it and ask for more comments on what you could have done to get a higher mark. They shouldn’t be annoyed at your asking, because you’re simply striving to do better every time.

General remarks on responding to essay feedback

We end with a few general pieces of advice on how to respond to essay feedback.

• Don’t take criticism personally.
• Remember that feedback is there to help you improve.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for more feedback if what they’ve said isn’t clear.
• Don’t rest on your laurels – if you’ve had glowing feedback, it’s still worth asking if there’s anything you could have done to make the essay even better.

It can be difficult to have one’s hard work (metaphorically) ripped apart or disparaged, but feedback is ultimately there to help you get higher grades, get into better universities, and put you on a successful career path; so keep that end goal in mind when you get your essay back.

Image credits: banner ; library ; snake ; magnifying glass ; dartboard ; suggestions box . 

Getting Feedback

What this handout is about.

Sometimes you’d like feedback from someone else about your writing, but you may not be sure how to get it. This handout describes when, where, how and from whom you might receive effective responses as you develop as a writer.

Why get feedback on your writing?

You’ll become a better writer, and writing will become a less painful process. When might you need feedback? You might be just beginning a paper and want to talk to someone else about your ideas. You might be midway through a draft and find that you are unsure about the direction you’ve decided to take. You might wonder why you received a lower grade than you expected on a paper, or you might not understand the comments that a TA or professor has written in the margins. Essentially, asking for feedback at any stage helps you break out of the isolation of writing. When you ask for feedback, you are no longer working in a void, wondering whether or not you understand the assignment and/or are making yourself understood. By seeking feedback from others, you are taking positive, constructive steps to improve your own writing and develop as a writer.

Why people don’t ask for feedback

• You worry that the feedback will be negative. Many people avoid asking others what they think about a piece of writing because they have a sneaking suspicion that the news will not be good. If you want to improve your writing, however, constructive criticism from others will help. Remember that the criticism you receive is only criticism of the writing and not of the writer.
• You don’t know whom to ask. The person who can offer the most effective feedback on your writing may vary depending on when you need the feedback and what kind of feedback you need. Keep in mind, though, that if you are really concerned about a piece of writing, almost any thoughtful reader (e.g., your roommate, mother, R.A., brother, etc.) can provide useful feedback that will help you improve your writing. Don’t wait for the expert; share your writing often and with a variety of readers.
• You don’t know how to ask. It can be awkward to ask for feedback, even if you know whom you want to ask. Asking someone, “Could you take a look at my paper?” or “Could you tell me if this is OK?” can sometimes elicit wonderfully rich responses. Usually, though, you need to be specific about where you are in the writing process and the kind of feedback that would help. You might say, “I’m really struggling with the organization of this paper. Could you read these paragraphs and see if the ideas seem to be in the right order?”
• You don’t want to take up your teacher’s time. You may be hesitant to go to your professor or TA to talk about your writing because you don’t want to bother them. The office hours that these busy people set aside, though, are reserved for your benefit, because the teachers on this campus want to communicate with students about their ideas and their work. Faculty can be especially generous and helpful with their advice when you drop by their office with specific questions and know the kinds of help you need. If you can’t meet during the instructor’s office hours, try making a special appointment. If you find that you aren’t able to schedule a time to talk with your instructor, remember that there are plenty of other people around you who can offer feedback.
• You’ve gotten feedback in the past that was unhelpful. If earlier experiences haven’t proved satisfactory, try again. Ask a different person, or ask for feedback in a new way. Experiment with asking for feedback at different stages in the writing process: when you are just beginning an assignment, when you have a draft, or when you think you are finished. Figure out when you benefit from feedback the most, the kinds of people you get the best feedback from, the kinds of feedback you need, and the ways to ask for that feedback effectively.
• You’re working remotely and aren’t sure how to solicit help. Help can feel “out of sight, out of mind” when working remotely, so it may take extra effort and research to reach out. Explore what resources are available to you and how you can access them. What type of remote feedback will benefit you most? Video conferencing, email correspondence, phone conversation, written feedback, or something else? Would it help to email your professor or TA ? Are you looking for the back and forth of a real-time conversation, or would it be more helpful to have written feedback to refer to as you work? Can you schedule an appointment with the Writing Center or submit a draft for written feedback ? Could joining or forming an online writing group help provide a source of feedback?

Possible writing moments for feedback

There is no “best time” to get feedback on a piece of writing. In fact, it is often helpful to ask for feedback at several different stages of a writing project. Listed below are some parts of the writing process and some kinds of feedback you might need in each. Keep in mind, though, that every writer is different—you might think about these issues at other stages of the writing process, and that’s fine.

• The beginning/idea stage: Do I understand the assignment? Am I gathering the right kinds of information to answer this question? Are my strategies for approaching this assignment effective ones? How can I discover the best way to develop my early ideas into a feasible draft?
• Outline/thesis: I have an idea about what I want to argue, but I’m not sure if it is an appropriate or complete response to this assignment. Is the way I’m planning to organize my ideas working? Does it look like I’m covering all the bases? Do I have a clear main point? Do I know what I want to say to the reader?
• Rough draft: Does my paper make sense, and is it interesting? Have I proven my thesis statement? Is the evidence I’m using convincing? Is it explained clearly? Have I given the reader enough information? Does the information seem to be in the right order? What can I say in my introduction and conclusion?
• Early polished draft: Are the transitions between my ideas smooth and effective? Do my sentences make sense individually? How’s my writing style?
• Late or final polished draft: Are there any noticeable spelling or grammar errors? Are my margins, footnotes, and formatting okay? Does the paper seem effective? Is there anything I should change at the last minute?
• After the fact: How should I interpret the comments on my paper? Why did I receive the grade I did? What else might I have done to strengthen this paper? What can I learn as a writer about this writing experience? What should I do the next time I have to write a paper?

A note on asking for feedback after a paper has been graded

Many people go to see their TA or professor after they receive a paper back with comments and a grade attached. If you seek feedback after your paper is returned to you, it makes sense to wait 24 hours before scheduling a meeting to talk about it. If you are angry or upset about a grade, the day off gives you time to calm down and put things in perspective. More important, taking a day off allows you to read through the instructor’s comments and think about why you received the grade that you did. You might underline or circle comments that were confusing to you so that you can ask about them later. You will also have an opportunity to reread your own writing and evaluate it more critically yourself. After all, you probably haven’t seen this piece of work since you handed it in a week or more ago, and refreshing your memory about its merits and weaknesses might help you make more sense of the grade and the instructor’s comments.

Also, be prepared to separate the discussion of your grade from the discussion of your development as a writer. It is difficult to have a productive meeting that achieves both of these goals. You may have very good reasons for meeting with an instructor to argue for a better grade, and having that kind of discussion is completely legitimate. Be very clear with your instructor about your goals. Are you meeting to contest the grade your paper received and explain why you think the paper deserved a higher one? Are you meeting because you don’t understand why your paper received the grade it did and would like clarification? Or are you meeting because you want to use this paper and the instructor’s comments to learn more about how to write in this particular discipline and do better on future written work? Being up front about these distinctions can help you and your instructor know what to expect from the conference and avoid any confusion between the issue of grading and the issue of feedback.

Kinds of feedback to ask for

Asking for a specific kind of feedback can be the best way to get advice that you can use. Think about what kinds of topics you want to discuss and what kinds of questions you want to ask:

• Understanding the assignment: Do I understand the task? How long should it be? What kinds of sources should I be using? Do I have to answer all of the questions on the assignment sheet or are they just prompts to get me thinking? Are some parts of the assignment more important than other parts?
• Factual content: Is my understanding of the course material accurate? Where else could I look for more information?
• Interpretation/analysis: Do I have a point? Does my argument make sense? Is it logical and consistent? Is it supported by sufficient evidence?
• Organization: Are my ideas in a useful order? Does the reader need to know anything else up front? Is there another way to consider ordering this information?
• Flow: Do I have good transitions? Does the introduction prepare the reader for what comes later? Do my topic sentences accurately reflect the content of my paragraphs? Can the reader follow me?
• Style: Comments on earlier papers can help you identify writing style issues that you might want to look out for. Is my writing style appealing? Do I use the passive voice too often? Are there too many “to be” verbs?
• Grammar: Just as with style, comments on earlier papers will help you identify grammatical “trouble spots.” Am I using commas correctly? Do I have problems with subject-verb agreement?
• Small errors: Is everything spelled right? Are there any typos?

Possible sources of feedback and what they’re good for

Believe it or not, you can learn to be your own best reader, particularly if you practice reading your work critically. First, think about writing problems that you know you have had in the past. Look over old papers for clues. Then, give yourself some critical distance from your writing by setting it aside for a few hours, overnight, or even for a couple of days. Come back to it with a fresh eye, and you will be better able to offer yourself feedback. Finally, be conscious of what you are reading for. You may find that you have to read your draft several times—perhaps once for content, once for organization and transitions, and once for style and grammar. If you need feedback on a specific issue, such as passive voice, you may need to read through the draft one time alone focusing on that issue. Whatever you do, don’t count yourself out as a source of feedback. Remember that ultimately you care the most and will be held responsible for what appears on the page. It’s your paper.

A classmate (a familiar and knowledgeable reader)

When you need feedback from another person, a classmate can be an excellent source. A classmate knows the course material and can help you make sure you understand the course content. A classmate is probably also familiar with the sources that are available for the class and the specific assignment. Moreover, you and your classmates can get together and talk about the kinds of feedback you both received on earlier work for the class, building your knowledge base about what the instructor is looking for in writing assignments.

Your TA (an expert reader)

Your TA is an expert reader—they are working on an advanced degree, either a Master’s or a Ph.D., in the subject area of your paper. Your TA is also either the primary teacher of the course or a member of the teaching team, so they probably had a hand in selecting the source materials, writing the assignment, and setting up the grading scheme. No one knows what the TA is looking for on the paper better than the TA , and most of the TAs on campus would be happy to talk with you about your paper.

Your professor (a very expert reader)

Your professor is the most expert reader you can find. They have a Ph.D. in the subject area that you are studying, and probably also wrote the assignment, either alone or with help from TAs. Like your TA, your professor can be the best source for information about what the instructor is looking for on the paper and may be your best guide in developing into a strong academic writer.

Your roommate/friend/family member (an interested but not familiar reader)

It can be very helpful to get feedback from someone who doesn’t know anything about your paper topic. These readers, because they are unfamiliar with the subject matter, often ask questions that help you realize what you need to explain further or that push you to think about the topic in new ways. They can also offer helpful general writing advice, letting you know if your paper is clear or your argument seems well organized, for example. Ask them to read your paper and then summarize for you what they think its main points are.

The Writing Center (an interested but not familiar reader with special training)

While the Writing Center staff may not have specialized knowledge about your paper topic, our writing coaches are trained to assist you with your writing needs. We cannot edit or proofread for you, but we can help you identify problems and address them at any stage of the writing process. The Writing Center’s coaches see thousands of students each year and are familiar with all kinds of writing assignments and writing dilemmas.

Other kinds of resources

If you want feedback on a writing assignment and can’t find a real live person to read it for you, there are other places to turn. Check out the Writing Center’s handouts . These resources can give you tips for proofreading your own work, making an argument, using commas and transitions, and more. You can also try the spell/grammar checker on your computer. This shouldn’t be your primary source of feedback, but it may be helpful.

A word about feedback and plagiarism

Asking for help on your writing does not equal plagiarism, but talking with classmates about your work may feel like cheating. Check with your professor or TA about what kinds of help you can get legally. Most will encourage you to discuss your ideas about the reading and lectures with your classmates. In general, if someone offers a particularly helpful insight, it makes sense to cite them in a footnote. The best way to avoid plagiarism is to write by yourself with your books closed. (For more on this topic, see our handout on plagiarism .)

What to do with the feedback you get

• Don’t be intimidated if your professor or TA has written a lot on your paper. Sometimes instructors will provide more feedback on papers that they believe have a lot of potential. They may have written a lot because your ideas are interesting to them and they want to see you develop them to their fullest by improving your writing.
• By the same token, don’t feel that your paper is garbage if the instructor DIDN’T write much on it. Some graders just write more than others do, and sometimes your instructors are too busy to spend a great deal of time writing comments on each individual paper.
• If you receive feedback before the paper is due, think about what you can and can’t do before the deadline. You sometimes have to triage your revisions. By all means, if you think you have major changes to make and you have time to make them, go for it. But if you have two other papers to write and all three are due tomorrow, you may have to decide that your thesis or your organization is the biggest issue and just focus on that. The paper might not be perfect, but you can learn from the experience for the next assignment.
• Read ALL of the feedback that you get. Many people, when receiving a paper back from their TA or professor, will just look at the grade and not read the comments written in the margins or at the end of the paper. Even if you received a satisfactory grade, it makes sense to carefully read all of the feedback you get. Doing so may help you see patterns of error in your writing that you need to address and may help you improve your writing for future papers and for other classes.
• If you don’t understand the feedback you receive, by all means ask the person who offered it. Feedback that you don’t understand is feedback that you cannot benefit from, so ask for clarification when you need it. Remember that the person who gave you the feedback did so because they genuinely wanted to convey information to you that would help you become a better writer. They wouldn’t want you to be confused and will be happy to explain their comments further if you ask.
• Ultimately, the paper you will turn in will be your own. You have the final responsibility for its form and content. Take the responsibility for being the final judge of what should and should not be done with your essay.
• Just because someone says to change something about your paper doesn’t mean you should. Sometimes the person offering feedback can misunderstand your assignment or make a suggestion that doesn’t seem to make sense. Don’t follow those suggestions blindly. Talk about them, think about other options, and decide for yourself whether the advice you received was useful.

Final thoughts

Finally, we would encourage you to think about feedback on your writing as a way to help you develop better writing strategies. This is the philosophy of the Writing Center. Don’t look at individual bits of feedback such as “This paper was badly organized” as evidence that you always organize ideas poorly. Think instead about the long haul. What writing process led you to a disorganized paper? What kinds of papers do you have organization problems with? What kinds of organization problems are they? What kinds of feedback have you received about organization in the past? What can you do to resolve these issues, not just for one paper, but for all of your papers? The Writing Center can help you with this process. Strategy-oriented thinking will help you go from being a writer who writes disorganized papers and then struggles to fix each one to being a writer who no longer writes disorganized papers. In the end, that’s a much more positive and permanent solution.

You may reproduce it for non-commercial use if you use the entire handout and attribute the source: The Writing Center, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

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How to Implement Essay Feedback: A Guide to Academic Success

(Last updated: 24 November 2023)

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Embarking on the journey of essay writing is both an art and a skill that requires continuous refinement. One crucial aspect that contributes to this refinement is constructive feedback. Feedback acts as a guiding light, illuminating areas for improvement and highlighting strengths. In this blog post, we'll explore the significance of essay feedback and discuss effective ways to implement it into your writing process.

The Importance of Feedback for Your Essays

Constructive feedback is a cornerstone of academic development. It serves as a valuable tool for honing writing skills, refining arguments, and enhancing overall clarity. Feedback encourages self-reflection, individualised development, and the fostering of a growth mindset. Beyond academia, it prepares students for the real world, nurturing a skill vital for professional success – the ability to receive, process, and act on constructive criticism.

Establishing a Feedback System

• Peer Review : Encourage a collaborative environment by engaging in peer review sessions. Peer feedback provides diverse perspectives, helping you identify blind spots and areas that may require clarification. Constructive criticism from peers fosters a supportive writing community.
• Instructor Feedback : Seek feedback from instructors or mentors who can provide expert insights. Instructors often offer valuable guidance on structure, argumentation, and the application of critical concepts. Don't hesitate to ask for clarification if certain feedback points are unclear. If you need expert guidance to enhance your essay writing , our dedicated team of experienced academics and editors can provide personalised feedback tailored to your unique writing style.
• Online Platforms : Leverage online platforms and writing communities where you can submit your work for feedback. Websites and forums dedicated to writing often have members who are willing to offer constructive criticism. Be open to feedback from diverse sources to get a comprehensive view of your writing.

Implementing Feedback Effectively

• Prioritise Revisions : Once you receive feedback, prioritise implementing revisions. Identify the key areas for improvement and revise your essay accordingly. This iterative process not only enhances the quality of your current work but also contributes to your growth as a writer.
• Reflect on Feedback : Take the time to reflect on the feedback received. Understand the rationale behind the comments and consider how you can apply the suggestions in your future writing. This reflective process builds a deeper understanding of your strengths and areas that need refinement.
• Iterative Writing Process : View essay writing as an iterative process. Each draft is an opportunity for improvement. Embrace the feedback loop by consistently refining your work. The more you engage with feedback, the more your writing will evolve.

Become a More Proficient Writer

Implementing effective essay feedback is a dynamic process that requires openness to critique and a commitment to improvement. Whether it's through peer reviews, instructor feedback, or online platforms, the insights gained from others are invaluable. By embracing feedback as a catalyst for growth, you can refine your writing skills and navigate the path to becoming a more proficient and confident writer. Remember, your writing journey is a continuous evolution, and each piece of feedback is a stepping stone towards mastery.

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How to Give Feedback on an Essay

• 4-minute read
• 9th May 2019

Whether you’re teaching or just helping a friend, being asked to offer feedback on an essay can be intimidating if you’ve not done it before. We do, though, have a few tips to share on this subject.

Content vs. Quality of Writing

There are two main things you may want to offer feedback on when reading an essay. These are:

• The content of the essay (i.e. what the author is arguing)
• How it is written (i.e. how well they communicate their argument)

The exact nature of the feedback you provide will depend on the topic and type of essay you are reading. But there are some things you might want to comment on for any paper, including:

• Spelling, grammar and punctuation errors
• Overall structure and readability
• Academic vocabulary and writing style
• Factual inaccuracies or ambiguities
• Whether the author provides evidence for their arguments
• Clarity and consistency of referencing

Ideally, you’ll provide feedback on all of these. However, if you’re simply reading the first draft of a paper to help a friend, you may want to check what kind of feedback they want.

Try, too, to balance the positive and negative feedback. It’s just as important to note things that are good as things that need clarifying. After all, if the author sees nothing but negative comments, they could be discouraged. Positive feedback, on the other hand, is a great motivator.

Comments in Margins vs. In-Depth Feedback

One way of leaving feedback is to make notes in the margins (either on paper or using the comment function in Microsoft Word). These should be short notes related to a specific issue, such as highlighting a misspelled word, an incorrect fact, or a missing citation.

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Try not to leave too many comments in the margins, though. If there is a recurring problem, such as a word that the author has repeatedly misspelled, don’t comment on it every time. Instead, leave a comment noting the pattern of errors. This highlights the issue without overwhelming the reader.

You may also want to provide overall feedback at the end of the paper. Ideally, this in-depth feedback should:

• Start positive (e.g. This is a well-researched, well-organised paper ).
• Focus on one or two major issues rather than repeating everything you commented on in the margins. If there are too many big problems to pick one or two, you may want to speak to the author in person instead.
• Provide concrete criticism on specific problems, including page or section numbers where relevant, not just general criticisms (e.g. You are missing several citations in section three, so please check… rather than The referencing in this paper could be improved… ).

If you’re offering feedback on an essay that is currently in progress, focus on issues that the author could improve in the next draft. If you’re marking a final draft, however, you may want to focus on what they can learn from the essay’s overall strengths and weaknesses.

Marking Criteria

Finally, if you’re teaching on a university course – or even just marking papers – you should have access to the marking criteria. These will be set by the university or whoever is teaching the class. And, crucially, these guidelines will set out in detail what a good paper should do.

These criteria can also be useful when planning a paper, so it’s worth asking about the marking criteria even if you’re writing an essay rather than offering feedback! And if you’re not sure where to find the marking criteria for your course, check the university website or ask your professor.

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51 Constructive Feedback Examples for Students

Chris Drew (PhD)

Dr. Chris Drew is the founder of the Helpful Professor. He holds a PhD in education and has published over 20 articles in scholarly journals. He is the former editor of the Journal of Learning Development in Higher Education. [Image Descriptor: Photo of Chris]

Learn about our Editorial Process

Constructive feedback is feedback that helps students learn and grow.

Even though it highlights students’ weaknesses, it is not negative feedback because it has a purpose. It is designed to help them identify areas for improvement.

It serves both as an example of positive reinforcement and a reminder that there is always room for further improvement. Studies show that students generally like feedback that points them in the right direction and helps them to improve. It can also increase motivation for students.

Why Give Constructive Feedback?

Constructive feedback is given to help students improve. It can help people develop a growth mindset by helping them understand what they need to do to improve.

It can also help people to see that their efforts are paying off and that they can continue to grow and improve with continued effort.

Additionally, constructive feedback helps people to feel supported and motivated to keep working hard. It shows that we believe in their ability to grow and succeed and that we are willing to help them along the way.

How to Give Constructive Feedback

Generally, when giving feedback, it’s best to:

• Make your feedback specific to the student’s work
• Point out areas where the student showed effort and where they did well
• Offer clear examples of how to improve
• Be positive about the student’s prospects if they put in the hard work to improve
• Encourage the student to ask questions if they don’t understand your feedback

Furthermore, it is best to follow up with students to see if they have managed to implement the feedback provided.

General Constructive Feedback Examples for Students

The below examples are general templates that need to be edited so they are specific to the student’s work.

1. You are on the right track. By starting to study for the exam earlier, you may be able to retain more knowledge on exam day.

2. I have seen your improvement over time. As a next step, it is a good idea to…

3. You have improved a lot and should start to look towards taking on harder tasks for the future to achieve more self-development.

4. You have potential and should work on your weaknesses to achieve better outcomes. One area for improvement is…

5. Keep up the good work! You will see better results in the future if you make the effort to attend our study groups more regularly.

6. You are doing well, but there is always room for improvement. Try these tips to get better results: …

7. You have made some good progress, but it would be good to see you focusing harder on the assignment question so you don’t misinterpret it next time.

8. Your efforts are commendable, but you could still do better if you provide more specific examples in your explanations.

9. You have done well so far, but don’t become complacent – there is always room for improvement! I have noticed several errors in your notes, including…

10. It is great that you are trying your best, but don’t stop here – keep pushing yourself to get even better results. It would be good to see you editing your work to remove the small errors creeping into your work…

11. You have put in a lot of hard work, and it is starting to show. One area for improvement is your tone of voice, which sometimes comes across too soft. Don’t be afraid to project your voice next time.

12. You are making good progress, but don’t forget to focus on your weaknesses too. One weakness to focus on is…

13. Your efforts are commendable, but it would have been good to have seen you focus throughout as your performance waned towards the end of the session.

15. While your work is good, I feel you are becoming complacent – keep looking for ways to improve. For example, it would be good to see you concentrating harder on providing critique of the ideas explored in the class.

16. It is great that you are trying your best, but don’t stop here – keep pushing yourself to get even better results! Try to improve your handwriting by slowing down and focusing on every single letter.

17. You have put in a lot of hard work, and it is starting to show. Keep up the good work and you will see your grades slowly grow more and more. I’d like to see you improving your vocabulary for future pieces.

18. You are making good progress, but don’t forget to focus on your weaknesses too. One weakness to focus on is…

19. You have potential and should work on your using more appropriate sources to achieve better outcomes. As a next step, it is a good idea to…

Constructive Feedback for an Essay

1. Your writing style is good but you need to use more academic references in your paragraphs.

2. While you have reached the required word count, it would be good to focus on making sure every paragraph addresses the essay question.

3. You have a good structure for your essay, but you could improve your grammar and spelling.

4. You have made some good points, but you could develop them further by using more examples.

5. Your essay is well-written, but it would be helpful to provide more analysis of the topic.

6. You have answered the question well, but you could improve your writing style by being more concise.

7. Excellent job! You have covered all the key points and your writing is clear and concise.

8. There are a few errors in your essay, but overall it is well-written and easy to understand.

9. There are some mistakes in terms of grammar and spelling, but you have some good ideas worth expanding on.

10. Your essay is well-written, but it needs more development in terms of academic research and evidence.

11. You have done a great job with what you wrote, but you missed a key part of the essay question.

12. The examples you used were interesting, but you could have elaborated more on their relevance to the essay.

13. There are a few errors in terms of grammar and spelling, but your essay is overall well-constructed.

14. Your essay is easy to understand and covers all the key points, but you could use more evaluative language to strengthen your argument.

15. You have provided a good thesis statement , but the examples seem overly theoretical. Are there some practical examples that you could provide?

Constructive Feedback for Student Reports

1. You have worked very hard this semester. Next semester, work on being more consistent with your homework.

2. You have improved a lot this semester, but you need to focus on not procrastinating.

3. You are doing well in most subjects, but you could improve your grades by paying more attention in class and completing all your homework.

4. You are doing well in most subjects, but you could still improve your grades by studying more and asking for help when you don’t understand something.

5. You have shown great improvement this semester, keep up the good work! However, you might want to focus on improving your test scores by practicing more.

6. You have made some good progress this semester, but you need to continue working hard if you want to get good grades next year when the standards will rise again.

7. Next semester, focus on completing all your homework on time and paying more attention in class.

8. You have worked hard this semester, but you could still improve your grades by taking your time rather than racing through the work.

9. Next semester, focus on completing all your homework in advance so you have time to check it over before submission.

10. While you usually understand the instructions, don’t forget to ask for help when you don’t understand something rather than guessing.

11. You have shown great improvement this semester, but you need to focus some more on being self-motivated rather than relying on me to keep you on task.

Constructive feedback on Homework

1. While most of your homework is great, you missed a few points in your rush to complete it. Next time, slow down and make sure your work is thorough.

2. You put a lot of effort into your homework, and it shows. However, make sure to proofread your work for grammar and spelling mistakes.

3. You did a great job on this assignment, but try to be more concise in your writing for future assignments.

4. This homework is well-done, but you could have benefited from more time spent on research.

5. You have a good understanding of the material, but try to use more examples in your future assignments.

6. You completed the assignment on time and with great accuracy. I noticed you didn’t do the extension tasks. I’d like to see you challenging yourself in the future.

Related Articles

• Examples of Feedback for Teachers
• 75 Formative Assessment Examples

Giving and receiving feedback is an important part of any learning process. All feedback needs to not only grade work, but give advice on next steps so students can learn to be lifelong learners. By providing constructive feedback, we can help our students to iteratively improve over time. It can be challenging to provide useful feedback, but by following the simple guidelines and examples outlined in this article, I hope you can provide comments that are helpful and meaningful.

• Chris Drew (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/chris-drew-phd-2/ 25 Number Games for Kids (Free and Easy)
• Chris Drew (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/chris-drew-phd-2/ 25 Word Games for Kids (Free and Easy)
• Chris Drew (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/chris-drew-phd-2/ 25 Outdoor Games for Kids
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2 thoughts on “51 Constructive Feedback Examples for Students”

Very helpful to see so much great developmental feedback with so many different examples.

Great examples of constructive feedback, also has reinforced on the current approach i take.

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Princeton Writing Program

Sample Feedback - Faculty to Student

D1 comments.

In this essay, you point to a key point of tension between Orientalism and Avatar : the status of the scientists. As I understand it, the tension is that while Said characterizes scientists as Orientalists par excellence, your reading of the film suggests a disconnect between the two. There’s a lot of promising material to work with here. The next step is to solidify motive and thesis, so that you can then refine your analysis. Below are thoughts to consider as you begin to revise.

Introduction, Motive and Thesis : Your opening gesture is quite strong, setting up an analytic context – “imperialist themes in a space-age setting” (1) – orienting the reader to the intellectual task at hand so as to guide a reading of the plot with your argumentative motives in mind. The central tension appears when you ask: “to what extent can the humans be classified as Orientalists?” (2). It seems like you’re suggesting a split between the industrialists and the military on the one hand, and the scientists and Jake on the other. This move constitutes a departure from Said, who shows how academic writings aligned themselves with the imperialist project. In the draft, it looks like your thesis appears at the end of the paragraph on page 2. Yet, this point about the non-pairing of the two traits isn’t really the central focus of your paper. Rather, your central claim, as I understand it, emerges on page 6, where you point to the way in which the actions of Jake and the scientists to some extent contradict Said’s figuration. In draft conference, let’s solidify motive and thesis, since everything else will follow from them.

Evidence and Analysis : This paper includes many interesting points of analysis. I’d like to draw attention, though, to a central tension within your thoughts. On the one hand, you point to the significance of the fact that what is different about Jake is “his naïve curiosity” (3). This naiveté contrasts with the scientists, I would think, since (for example) they are professionally trained. Yet, rather than contrast Jake with the scientists, you align him with them, calling him an “ethnographer” (2) and referring to them as “his crew” (6). While I totally get the opposition between Miles/Parker on the one hand and Jake/scientists on the other, I wonder, in the context of your argument, what differences between Jake and the scientists might make a difference, especially since this coupling is being used in your argument to critique Said’s characterization of the academics. Alternatively put, one counterargument you’ll need to address in your revision would be the extent to which the differences between Jake and the scientists would trouble a straightforward critique of Said. We can talk more about counterargument in draft conference.

There are a lot of great ideas here, John! I look forward to seeing how you develop them.

R1 Comments

In this essay, you explore the relationship between science and imperialism. You suggest that the lack of overlap between the two in James Cameron’s film Avatar seems to complicate Edward Said’s argument in Orientalism , but, as I understand it, your point is that the differences between the two seem to vanish because the imperialist, not the scientific, vision is that which becomes official. If you were to revise again, the key would be to highlight the complexities of your argument, drawing together its various strands more effectively. Below are some thoughts to consider as you begin Essay #3.

Motive and Thesis : You do a great job elaborating your motive and thesis on page 2. First, you effectively set up what an Orientalist reading should do, and then show the ways in which Avatar doesn’t meet that expectation. Your thesis, though, seems to be a way of accounting for the discrepancy, and accounting for why it is Said would not differentiate between these figures despite the dramatization in the film that shows them to be quite different. You write: “even when science opposes the political sentiments of an empire, the vision of the empire reigns supreme” (2). The next step would be to spell out the ways in which this thesis provides a commentary on Avatar as an extension, complication, etc. of Orientalism , so as to place your argument in its intellectual context.

Evidence, Analysis, and Source-Use : Highlighting the intellectual stakes of your argument by refining your motive and thesis will help you further develop the implications of your analysis. As it is, your paper has many moments of analytic insight, and so the next step would be to elaborate further. For example, you do a great job explaining how Quaritch’s presentation of Pandora to newcomers exemplifies Orientalist behavior (3), but an even stronger articulation would show how this characterization contributes to your argument about the imperialist vision and its triumph over scientific dissidence. Moving forward, another area on which to concentrate is source use. Your use of Bourdieu to analyze Parker (6) is great; the discussion of Constable (4), though, would be improved if you highlighted how it is that you as a scholar are applying her argument to a different context. Doing so would make visible your own intellectual work, and the contribution your crossbreeding intervention is making.

Structure : In your paper, you show a clear understanding of what structure should look like: you do a nice job constructing a logic of “now that we know A we can move to B.” The next step, though, is to make the progression motivated by the argument itself. On page 2, you write that establishing that Said’s pairing is “incorrect” enables you to establish “how and why the two human factions oppose each other,” but it is unclear how the second point contributes to your central claim, in which despite differences the vision of the imperialists “reigns supreme.” Again, this will follow from clarification of your motive and thesis. Always ask yourself how each paragraph is contributing to your argument and your overall thesis, and let the development of your argument follow from that.

Balancing its strengths and weaknesses, this paper earns a grade of B. An even stronger performance is clearly within reach, though, so I look forward to your continued progress – and promising project – as we move to Essay #3!

D3 Comments

In this essay, you explore literary critics’ interpretations of Hemingway, focusing on his work Death in the Afternoon . Your draft moves through several topics and questions, including bullfighting, existentialism, and the historical contextualization of critical trends. Now that you’ve gone through the process of putting these ideas on paper, the next step is to solidify a motive and thesis – a task you suggest in your cover letter in terms of “making sure my argument stays focused, on point, and does not stray.” Below, then, are some issues to keep in mind as you work toward that goal in revising.

Motive and Thesis : As I understand it, the central question of this paper concerns the ways in which critical reception of Hemingway’s text transformed from when it was first analyzed in the 1930s to the postmodernist re-discovery of (t)his work in the 1990s. In your cover letter, you note that “the critiques were almost all centralized to [these] two time periods,” a fact that is quite intriguing and worth thinking about further. The opening paragraph sets up a thesis, in which you allude to a conflict in interpretation between the two time periods and side with the later works as “more encompassing.” The motivating problem or question could be spelled out further, though, and it seems like your paper does more than just side with the more contemporary critics, so these are places for further refinement. Likewise, the theme of bullfighting appears throughout, but as a reader it is unclear what the significance of this phenomenon is in terms of your argument, so you’ll want to make clear what motivates this focus.

Keywords, Orienting, and Structure : Once you have refined your motive and thesis, you’ll be able to more strategically engage your paper’s key terms. This paper focuses both on “bullfighting” and “existentialism” : both could use further elaboration, which would help orient your readers, since readers may be unfamiliar with either or both. You do give a brief definition of existentialism on page 6, but this could be taken further: not all considerations of life and death are considered existentialist, so you’ll want to get more into the specifics, which might require some more background research. In the draft, the paragraphs introducing both of these terms – bullfighting on page 2 and existentialism on page 6 – reads as abrupt, so you’ll want to think more about how you are using structure to build an argument, so as to enable the reader to transition from one point to the next.

Evidence, Analysis, and Source-Use : In addition to key terms, another place to pay attention to orienting concerns the use of sources. Be sure to identify an author’s qualifications, such as literary critic, and to specify the time period in which critical work is produced, especially in your case where chronology makes a difference for your argument. On pages 6-7, for instance, you cite “Josephs,” “Hicks,” and “Sanders,” and yet it is not clear who these people are: by convention, one provides first and last name, as well as disciplinary affiliation, the first time a source is cited in a text, i.e. “literary critic Rosemary Green” rather than just “Green” (although on subsequent occasions the last name only is fine). Another way to help readers follow your argument will be to provide primary source analysis. On pages 3-4, you reference the “old lady” conversation, and other critics takes on it, but you’ll also want to provide your own reading of these passages. Doing so will help you differentiate your reading from theirs, which in turn will help you refine your motive and thesis.

There are a number of promising moments here, Anthony! I look forward to seeing how you develop this paper.

R3 Comments

In this essay, you argue that post-modern scholars’ rediscovery of Ernest Hemingway’s Death in the Afternoon in the 1990s was able to shed new light on the place of this work in the literary and philosophical canon. Critically analyzing academic work as well as a primary source, your paper offers a nuanced interpretation of Hemingway’s work as “containing elements of existentialism” without being properly “existentialist.” Your work shows consistent progress throughout the semester, and your cover letter demonstrates good insights into the research and writing process, which will no doubt serve you well in future courses. Below are some comments to consider moving forward.

Introduction, Motive, and Thesis : As presented in your introduction, the motive of your paper consists in trying to determine what historical and critical shifts in Hemingway reception “mean in terms of its place in literature” (2). This motive is set up most effectively, though, on page 9, where you note: “a critical shift takes place, in which Death in the Afternoon is seen as the foundation for all his other works rather than an aberration from them.” In this sentence, you dramatize the puzzle that is the impetus for your research, which consists in trying to find an explanation for and analysis of this change. That is, the current introduction tells us the motive, but an even stronger version would show readers the problem to be solved, by dramatizing it textually. Doing so would help you craft a stronger thesis, since currently your thesis is presented somewhat vaguely: “In the end,” you write, “the postmodern readings of the work suggest that Death in the Afternoon blurs the borders between genres as it touches on not only bullfighting, writing, and Hemingway himself, but also on existentialism” (2). The next step would be to highlight your own contribution by differentiating yourself from these writers in your thesis statement the way you do in the body of the essay.

Evidence, Analysis, and Structure : Your paper does a nice job with evidence and analysis: you critically engage scholarship and offer your own original analysis of primary texts. Opening phrases such as “here we see that” (4), and “in this quotation” (6), are clear signals of original analysis, and your use of them really works in drawing the reader’s attention to your scholarly voice. If you were to revise further, I’d recommend extending your analysis even further, continuing to elaborate on the significance of what your interpretation of the evidence reveals. Focusing more on implications would help with structure, especially toward the end of the essay, where the readings of Hemingway’s other works appear rather abruptly. Be sure to show the reader what motivates your analysis in a given paragraph: be sure to make clear the argumentative function of each step. You do this well throughout most of the paper, but the trajectory is less clear toward the end.

Overall, this paper is very good and it earns a grade of B+. I look forward to reading your Dean’s Date Assignment!

D2 Comments

This paper sets out to extend Gillian Beer’s claim about the optimistic and pessimistic elements in Darwin’s theory: while Beer suggests that authors responded to Darwin by registering these elements, your thesis asserts that Trumpery affirms optimism.

However, the body of your paper develops a different argument about the characterizations of Wallace and Darwin and the way that the play portrays Wallace as dominant. You really have interesting things to say about Wallace, and I think that we should use your draft conference to figure out how those claims could become the basis for a new thesis.

motive: I’m not sure that the claim of Beer’s that this paper should engage with is her claim about optimism and pessimism, and we’ll have to talk this evening about what claim of hers your conclusions about Trumpery might challenge or extend. But however you decide to engage with Beer, you’ll want to use your introduction to not only state her argument and your response, but to establish what you see as a problem in her claims, a limitation or shortcoming of her arguments. Doing so will help your reader to see why your argument matters.

thesis and key terms: Your thesis claims that Trumpery affirms the optimistic viewpoint embodied by Wallace. But the body of your paper does not really discuss optimism vs. pessimism. Instead, the word that recurs is “dominant.” It may be that you could show, more systematically than you do here, how Wallace’s dominance demonstrates Parnell’s affirmation of optimism. I am also interested in your paper’s implications for what Parnell is doing with the struggle for existence in this play—as we’ve noted in class, he presents the relationship between Darwin and Wallace in terms of the competition that is so important to Darwin’s theory. Your paper suggests that although Darwin wins, Parnell presents Wallace as more powerful, physically and emotionally.

evidence and analysis: You incorporate a lot of evidence from Trumpery into your essay, largely by way of short quotations (which you do a good job of integrating in your sentences). It’s great that you’re working closely with the text of this source. But the problem is that in the first half of your paper especially, this evidence serves to allow you to summarize events of the play and to show how characters are depicted. It does not serve as the basis for analysis—that is, as a basis for arguable claims or surprising insights about Parnell’s text. And, as I’ve said above, the key terms presented by your thesis (optimistic and pessimistic) pretty much disappear from your discussion of events in the play itself.

Where this essay does shift into analysis mode is in the discussion of Wallace and in the comparison of Darwin and Wallace that develops starting around p. 7. Here, you begin to make claims that go beyond what a casual reader of Trumpery would notice—such as what you say on pp. 4–5 about the way that Wallace speaks. However, there are many places where you make such claims without fully supporting them with evidence and/or analysis. And in the final page and a half, you quote at length from

Trumpery without saying very much about that quotation: it does seem that these passages could be important for your paper, but remember the 1:2 evidence: analysis ratio if you’re going to include them.

structure: It’s because your paper presents a lot of summary that you feel that the paragraphs don’t build on one another by adding new pieces to your argument. But in order to fix this problem, you’ll need to start by deciding what you want to argue.

I look forward to developing that argument with you in our conference!

All the best,

R2 Comments

This paper builds on Gillian Beer’s theory about the way that literary authors are influenced by the dualities present in Darwin’s work. While Beer suggests that these dualities are also present in literary works, you argue that authors can choose one side of the duality over the other, and you demonstrate that in Trumpery , Peter Parnell affirms optimism over pessimism by showing how Wallace, who represents optimism, comes to dominate Darwin, who represents pessimism.

This paper is doing so many things successfully. The introduction sets out a clear motive and thesis by establishing the status quo (Beer) and explaining how you will challenge and build on Beer’s claims. Then there’s a real sense of progression and development in your argument as you present it over the course of the paper. I’m delighted to see from your cover letter that you worked with a reverse outline (which is like a line-of-thinking) and thought of your paper in sections—those are strategies that can help keep a long essay organized, and definitely something to come back to in the research paper! Finally, and perhaps more strikingly of all, there’s terrific analysis of evidence from Trumpery . Your attention to the details of Parnell’s play is truly impressive, and makes your paper fascinating to read—I learned so much about how Trumpery is constructed. Thus you’ve eliminated summary and presented analysis that’s always relevant (and explicitly connected) to your thesis.

Keep doing all of these things this well in the research paper! My comments about this paper interrogate your motive and argument, and they aim to suggest how you might take your writing to the next level.

First, at moments in reading the body of your paper I found myself—and I think many readers would feel the same way—wanting a return to your motive . That is, while motive is something that must be established in the introduction, the strongest papers come back to the initial motivating move at key moments in the body of the essay. Another way to put this: Beer is your argument source, and ideally you should return to your argument source in the course of the paper. Often, a good place to do so is in the transitions between sections of the essay. So, for example, when you shift from showing that Wallace=optimism and Darwin=pessimism to showing that Wallace dominates Darwin, you might tell your reader how Beer’s theory would see these two allegorical figures—presumably, it could account for their presence in the play, but not for what Parnell does with them. Another place to come back to an argument source is in the final body paragraphs. On pp. 7–8, for example, you show that Parnell’s Darwin chooses to see the beauty of nature—whereas in Beer’s view (and maybe in the actual Darwin’s work) beauty and struggle always exist simultaneously.

It’s possible that it would have been easier to bring Beer back more frequently if your initial definition of your key terms made clear that that definition is also, essentially, the one that she uses. A second issue regarding key terms: they largely disappear from the discussion of how Parnell shows Wallace to be dominant. This may leave the reader wondering—is Wallace’s dominance a product of his optimism? Is there a cause-and-effect dynamic here that’s not being fully described? A related question may arise with respect to Darwin’s transformation at the end of the play: how does Wallace convert him? What happens in that conversation between them that changes how Darwin sees the world? Maybe the way to put this into more general terms is to say that this final scene of Trumpery , as the culminating piece of evidence for your argument, deserves more analysis that it receives.

Despite these issues, this paper is a real accomplishment, C. I look forward to seeing how you’ll build on these achievements in the research paper!

Your paper is full of quite elegant, specific, rigorous musical observation! You clearly have great ears and a sophisticated musical vocabulary; the question is how one deploys these skills to argumentative ends.

You articulated a particular motive in your cover letter, namely the ability of text-free music to convey political or narrative messages. This is the beginning of the answer to the ‘who cares?’ question. As it stands, though, there isn’t much in the paper that would indicate this larger concern and, further, the complexity of the question isn’t really engaged. I think there’s a whole lot to say about this sort of approach, and this can lock very nicely into thesis as you continue to develop your thinking. Speaking of thesis, it’s currently very general and slippery; in fact I’m not really sure what the overall argument might be. Taking up this question of music and narrative or the idea of ‘mickey mousing’ which I talk about in my marginal commentary might really lead somewhere promising.

In terms of evidence and analysis, I am quite enthusiastic, as I said repeatedly, about the depth of your musical description! The issue for your reader is going to be to what ends these excellent observations are deployed. This is really a thesis issue more than an evidence/analysis issue. Once you have a singular argument, you can invoke it in your analyses and interpretations; that way we wont’ feel as though these musical moments are floating in uninterpreted space. For your revision, try to make the moments you’ve focused on really work for you in argumentative terms. While this will take some thinking about your overall concerns, putting some pressure on the moments you’ve chosen might prove productive in terms of figuring out what those concerns might be.

Your paper would likewise benefit from a different approach to sources. Right now there isn’t any sort of theoretical source underpinning the argument; this is partly responsible for the sense that there are no anchors to observation/interpretation. As I said in the marginal commentary, looking into some scholarship on music and narrative could be really helpful to you. Specifically, what do scholars say about the pitfalls and benefits of musical narrative, of ‘literal’ depiction of events in musical terms? This would be a nice area of exploration for you.

I’m looking forward to talking through this with you, and to seeing how your thinking develops!

Your paper argues that Terence Blanchard’s A Tale of God’s Will: A Requiem for Katrina does something quite profound; while Blanchard steeps the music in narrative, the presence of this program never blunts the spontaneity of the music and never prevents it from being taken on its own terms.

Motive was nicely staged, both in terms of what the text itself is doing (i.e., that there’s an internal mystery that needs to be resolved) as well as the way this text relates to a scholarly point of interest. On the latter, I wanted for a bit more reference to these scholarly voices as the paper progressed; they were certainly effective as framing devices, but could have had an even greater impact were they given some space to breathe, reinvoked. Thesis was also strongly stated, though I wondered a little bit about the ‘new standard for jazz music’ language. There was definitely opportunity to be even more specific about what sort of innovation this might constitute.

Your evidence and analysis was superb with respect to the way you handled musical observation and interpretation. It was obvious from the draft that you have great ears, but besides the ability to recognize what’s going on, the paper makes nice interpretive moves throughout based on this excellent observational capacity. As I said above, I think it would have been really nice to apply this keen eye to some of the scholarly literature that you used to stage the argument; some close reading on par with the level of detail of the musical observation/analysis would have gone a long way.

With respect to key words, there were a lot of very big concepts (authenticity, narrative, etc.) that were being utilized in the paper, and a reader might have appreciated some time and space dedicated to defining them (provisionally, since getting a definitive ‘meaning’ is going to be pretty impossible!)

Finally, I wanted to say a quick word about structure. I really like the way this paper was set up. You’re able to create an intensifying argument through the way you’ve chosen and laid out your examples. They build throughout from a subtle programmatic content to an almost ‘mickey-moused’ example, so you’re able to refine and develop your argument in a way that’s really satisfying for the reader.

This is such a huge improvement over the draft, and your best paper to date. Way to end on a really high note!

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Getting College Essay Help: Important Do's and Don’ts

College Essays

If you grow up to be a professional writer, everything you write will first go through an editor before being published. This is because the process of writing is really a process of re-writing —of rethinking and reexamining your work, usually with the help of someone else. So what does this mean for your student writing? And in particular, what does it mean for very important, but nonprofessional writing like your college essay? Should you ask your parents to look at your essay? Pay for an essay service?

If you are wondering what kind of help you can, and should, get with your personal statement, you've come to the right place! In this article, I'll talk about what kind of writing help is useful, ethical, and even expected for your college admission essay . I'll also point out who would make a good editor, what the differences between editing and proofreading are, what to expect from a good editor, and how to spot and stay away from a bad one.

Table of Contents

What Kind of Help for Your Essay Can You Get?

What's Good Editing?

What should an editor do for you, what kind of editing should you avoid, proofreading, what's good proofreading, what kind of proofreading should you avoid.

What Do Colleges Think Of You Getting Help With Your Essay?

Who Can/Should Help You?

Advice for editors.

Should You Pay Money For Essay Editing?

The Bottom Line

What's next, what kind of help with your essay can you get.

Rather than talking in general terms about "help," let's first clarify the two different ways that someone else can improve your writing . There is editing, which is the more intensive kind of assistance that you can use throughout the whole process. And then there's proofreading, which is the last step of really polishing your final product.

Let me go into some more detail about editing and proofreading, and then explain how good editors and proofreaders can help you."

Editing is helping the author (in this case, you) go from a rough draft to a finished work . Editing is the process of asking questions about what you're saying, how you're saying it, and how you're organizing your ideas. But not all editing is good editing . In fact, it's very easy for an editor to cross the line from supportive to overbearing and over-involved.

Ability to clarify assignments. A good editor is usually a good writer, and certainly has to be a good reader. For example, in this case, a good editor should make sure you understand the actual essay prompt you're supposed to be answering.

Open-endedness. Good editing is all about asking questions about your ideas and work, but without providing answers. It's about letting you stick to your story and message, and doesn't alter your point of view.

Think of an editor as a great travel guide. It can show you the many different places your trip could take you. It should explain any parts of the trip that could derail your trip or confuse the traveler. But it never dictates your path, never forces you to go somewhere you don't want to go, and never ignores your interests so that the trip no longer seems like it's your own. So what should good editors do?

Help Brainstorm Topics

Sometimes it's easier to bounce thoughts off of someone else. This doesn't mean that your editor gets to come up with ideas, but they can certainly respond to the various topic options you've come up with. This way, you're less likely to write about the most boring of your ideas, or to write about something that isn't actually important to you.

If you're wondering how to come up with options for your editor to consider, check out our guide to brainstorming topics for your college essay .

Help Revise Your Drafts

Here, your editor can't upset the delicate balance of not intervening too much or too little. It's tricky, but a great way to think about it is to remember: editing is about asking questions, not giving answers .

Revision questions should point out:

• Places where more detail or more description would help the reader connect with your essay
• Places where structure and logic don't flow, losing the reader's attention
• Places where there aren't transitions between paragraphs, confusing the reader
• Moments where your narrative or the arguments you're making are unclear

But pointing to potential problems is not the same as actually rewriting—editors let authors fix the problems themselves.

Bad editing is usually very heavy-handed editing. Instead of helping you find your best voice and ideas, a bad editor changes your writing into their own vision.

You may be dealing with a bad editor if they:

• Add material (examples, descriptions) that doesn't come from you
• Use a thesaurus to make your college essay sound "more mature"
• Add meaning or insight to the essay that doesn't come from you
• Tell you what to say and how to say it
• Write sentences, phrases, and paragraphs for you
• Change your voice in the essay so it no longer sounds like it was written by a teenager

Colleges can tell the difference between a 17-year-old's writing and a 50-year-old's writing. Not only that, they have access to your SAT or ACT Writing section, so they can compare your essay to something else you wrote. Writing that's a little more polished is great and expected. But a totally different voice and style will raise questions.

Where's the Line Between Helpful Editing and Unethical Over-Editing?

Sometimes it's hard to tell whether your college essay editor is doing the right thing. Here are some guidelines for staying on the ethical side of the line.

• An editor should say that the opening paragraph is kind of boring, and explain what exactly is making it drag. But it's overstepping for an editor to tell you exactly how to change it.
• An editor should point out where your prose is unclear or vague. But it's completely inappropriate for the editor to rewrite that section of your essay.
• An editor should let you know that a section is light on detail or description. But giving you similes and metaphors to beef up that description is a no-go.

Proofreading (also called copy-editing) is checking for errors in the last draft of a written work. It happens at the end of the process and is meant as the final polishing touch. Proofreading is meticulous and detail-oriented, focusing on small corrections. It sands off all the surface rough spots that could alienate the reader.

Because proofreading is usually concerned with making fixes on the word or sentence level, this is the only process where someone else can actually add to or take away things from your essay . This is because what they are adding or taking away tends to be one or two misplaced letters.

Laser focus. Proofreading is all about the tiny details, so the ability to really concentrate on finding small slip-ups is a must.

Excellent grammar and spelling skills. Proofreaders need to dot every "i" and cross every "t." Good proofreaders should correct spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar. They should put foreign words in italics and surround quotations with quotation marks. They should check that you used the correct college's name, and that you adhered to any formatting requirements (name and date at the top of the page, uniform font and size, uniform spacing).

Limited interference. A proofreader needs to make sure that you followed any word limits. But if cuts need to be made to shorten the essay, that's your job and not the proofreader's.

A bad proofreader either tries to turn into an editor, or just lacks the skills and knowledge necessary to do the job.

Some signs that you're working with a bad proofreader are:

• If they suggest making major changes to the final draft of your essay. Proofreading happens when editing is already finished.
• If they aren't particularly good at spelling, or don't know grammar, or aren't detail-oriented enough to find someone else's small mistakes.
• If they start swapping out your words for fancier-sounding synonyms, or changing the voice and sound of your essay in other ways. A proofreader is there to check for errors, not to take the 17-year-old out of your writing.

What Do Colleges Think of Your Getting Help With Your Essay?

Admissions officers agree: light editing and proofreading are good—even required ! But they also want to make sure you're the one doing the work on your essay. They want essays with stories, voice, and themes that come from you. They want to see work that reflects your actual writing ability, and that focuses on what you find important.

On the Importance of Editing

Get feedback. Have a fresh pair of eyes give you some feedback. Don't allow someone else to rewrite your essay, but do take advantage of others' edits and opinions when they seem helpful. ( Bates College )

Read your essay aloud to someone. Reading the essay out loud offers a chance to hear how your essay sounds outside your head. This exercise reveals flaws in the essay's flow, highlights grammatical errors and helps you ensure that you are communicating the exact message you intended. ( Dickinson College )

On the Value of Proofreading

Share your essays with at least one or two people who know you well—such as a parent, teacher, counselor, or friend—and ask for feedback. Remember that you ultimately have control over your essays, and your essays should retain your own voice, but others may be able to catch mistakes that you missed and help suggest areas to cut if you are over the word limit. ( Yale University )

Proofread and then ask someone else to proofread for you. Although we want substance, we also want to be able to see that you can write a paper for our professors and avoid careless mistakes that would drive them crazy. ( Oberlin College )

On Watching Out for Too Much Outside Influence

Limit the number of people who review your essay. Too much input usually means your voice is lost in the writing style. ( Carleton College )

Ask for input (but not too much). Your parents, friends, guidance counselors, coaches, and teachers are great people to bounce ideas off of for your essay. They know how unique and spectacular you are, and they can help you decide how to articulate it. Keep in mind, however, that a 45-year-old lawyer writes quite differently from an 18-year-old student, so if your dad ends up writing the bulk of your essay, we're probably going to notice. ( Vanderbilt University )

Now let's talk about some potential people to approach for your college essay editing and proofreading needs. It's best to start close to home and slowly expand outward. Not only are your family and friends more invested in your success than strangers, but they also have a better handle on your interests and personality. This knowledge is key for judging whether your essay is expressing your true self.

Parents or Close Relatives

Your family may be full of potentially excellent editors! Parents are deeply committed to your well-being, and family members know you and your life well enough to offer details or incidents that can be included in your essay. On the other hand, the rewriting process necessarily involves criticism, which is sometimes hard to hear from someone very close to you.

A parent or close family member is a great choice for an editor if you can answer "yes" to the following questions. Is your parent or close relative a good writer or reader? Do you have a relationship where editing your essay won't create conflict? Are you able to constructively listen to criticism and suggestion from the parent?

One suggestion for defusing face-to-face discussions is to try working on the essay over email. Send your parent a draft, have them write you back some comments, and then you can pick which of their suggestions you want to use and which to discard.

Teachers or Tutors

A humanities teacher that you have a good relationship with is a great choice. I am purposefully saying humanities, and not just English, because teachers of Philosophy, History, Anthropology, and any other classes where you do a lot of writing, are all used to reviewing student work.

Moreover, any teacher or tutor that has been working with you for some time, knows you very well and can vet the essay to make sure it "sounds like you."

If your teacher or tutor has some experience with what college essays are supposed to be like, ask them to be your editor. If not, then ask whether they have time to proofread your final draft.

Guidance or College Counselor at Your School

The best thing about asking your counselor to edit your work is that this is their job. This means that they have a very good sense of what colleges are looking for in an application essay.

At the same time, school counselors tend to have relationships with admissions officers in many colleges, which again gives them insight into what works and which college is focused on what aspect of the application.

Unfortunately, in many schools the guidance counselor tends to be way overextended. If your ratio is 300 students to 1 college counselor, you're unlikely to get that person's undivided attention and focus. It is still useful to ask them for general advice about your potential topics, but don't expect them to be able to stay with your essay from first draft to final version.

Friends, Siblings, or Classmates

Although they most likely don't have much experience with what colleges are hoping to see, your peers are excellent sources for checking that your essay is you .

Friends and siblings are perfect for the read-aloud edit. Read your essay to them so they can listen for words and phrases that are stilted, pompous, or phrases that just don't sound like you.

You can even trade essays and give helpful advice on each other's work.

If your editor hasn't worked with college admissions essays very much, no worries! Any astute and attentive reader can still greatly help with your process. But, as in all things, beginners do better with some preparation.

First, your editor should read our advice about how to write a college essay introduction , how to spot and fix a bad college essay , and get a sense of what other students have written by going through some admissions essays that worked .

Then, as they read your essay, they can work through the following series of questions that will help them to guide you.

Introduction Questions

• Is the first sentence a killer opening line? Why or why not?
• Does the introduction hook the reader? Does it have a colorful, detailed, and interesting narrative? Or does it propose a compelling or surprising idea?
• Can you feel the author's voice in the introduction, or is the tone dry, dull, or overly formal? Show the places where the voice comes through.

Essay Body Questions

• Does the essay have a through-line? Is it built around a central argument, thought, idea, or focus? Can you put this idea into your own words?
• How is the essay organized? By logical progression? Chronologically? Do you feel order when you read it, or are there moments where you are confused or lose the thread of the essay?
• Does the essay have both narratives about the author's life and explanations and insight into what these stories reveal about the author's character, personality, goals, or dreams? If not, which is missing?
• Does the essay flow? Are there smooth transitions/clever links between paragraphs? Between the narrative and moments of insight?

Reader Response Questions

• Does the writer's personality come through? Do we know what the speaker cares about? Do we get a sense of "who he or she is"?
• Where did you feel most connected to the essay? Which parts of the essay gave you a "you are there" sensation by invoking your senses? What moments could you picture in your head well?
• Where are the details and examples vague and not specific enough?
• Did you get an "a-ha!" feeling anywhere in the essay? Is there a moment of insight that connected all the dots for you? Is there a good reveal or "twist" anywhere in the essay?
• What are the strengths of this essay? What needs the most improvement?

Should You Pay Money for Essay Editing?

One alternative to asking someone you know to help you with your college essay is the paid editor route. There are two different ways to pay for essay help: a private essay coach or a less personal editing service , like the many proliferating on the internet.

My advice is to think of these options as a last resort rather than your go-to first choice. I'll first go through the reasons why. Then, if you do decide to go with a paid editor, I'll help you decide between a coach and a service.

When to Consider a Paid Editor

In general, I think hiring someone to work on your essay makes a lot of sense if none of the people I discussed above are a possibility for you.

If you can't ask your parents. For example, if your parents aren't good writers, or if English isn't their first language. Or if you think getting your parents to help is going create unnecessary extra conflict in your relationship with them (applying to college is stressful as it is!)

If you can't ask your teacher or tutor. Maybe you don't have a trusted teacher or tutor that has time to look over your essay with focus. Or, for instance, your favorite humanities teacher has very limited experience with college essays and so won't know what admissions officers want to see.

If you can't ask your guidance counselor. This could be because your guidance counselor is way overwhelmed with other students.

If you can't share your essay with those who know you. It might be that your essay is on a very personal topic that you're unwilling to share with parents, teachers, or peers. Just make sure it doesn't fall into one of the bad-idea topics in our article on bad college essays .

If the cost isn't a consideration. Many of these services are quite expensive, and private coaches even more so. If you have finite resources, I'd say that hiring an SAT or ACT tutor (whether it's PrepScholar or someone else) is better way to spend your money . This is because there's no guarantee that a slightly better essay will sufficiently elevate the rest of your application, but a significantly higher SAT score will definitely raise your applicant profile much more.

Should You Hire an Essay Coach?

On the plus side, essay coaches have read dozens or even hundreds of college essays, so they have experience with the format. Also, because you'll be working closely with a specific person, it's more personal than sending your essay to a service, which will know even less about you.

But, on the minus side, you'll still be bouncing ideas off of someone who doesn't know that much about you . In general, if you can adequately get the help from someone you know, there is no advantage to paying someone to help you.

If you do decide to hire a coach, ask your school counselor, or older students that have used the service for recommendations. If you can't afford the coach's fees, ask whether they can work on a sliding scale —many do. And finally, beware those who guarantee admission to your school of choice—essay coaches don't have any special magic that can back up those promises.

Should You Send Your Essay to a Service?

On the plus side, essay editing services provide a similar product to essay coaches, and they cost significantly less . If you have some assurance that you'll be working with a good editor, the lack of face-to-face interaction won't prevent great results.

On the minus side, however, it can be difficult to gauge the quality of the service before working with them . If they are churning through many application essays without getting to know the students they are helping, you could end up with an over-edited essay that sounds just like everyone else's. In the worst case scenario, an unscrupulous service could send you back a plagiarized essay.

Getting recommendations from friends or a school counselor for reputable services is key to avoiding heavy-handed editing that writes essays for you or does too much to change your essay. Including a badly-edited essay like this in your application could cause problems if there are inconsistencies. For example, in interviews it might be clear you didn't write the essay, or the skill of the essay might not be reflected in your schoolwork and test scores.

Should You Buy an Essay Written by Someone Else?

Let me elaborate. There are super sketchy places on the internet where you can simply buy a pre-written essay. Don't do this!

For one thing, you'll be lying on an official, signed document. All college applications make you sign a statement saying something like this:

I certify that all information submitted in the admission process—including the application, the personal essay, any supplements, and any other supporting materials—is my own work, factually true, and honestly presented... I understand that I may be subject to a range of possible disciplinary actions, including admission revocation, expulsion, or revocation of course credit, grades, and degree, should the information I have certified be false. (From the Common Application )

For another thing, if your academic record doesn't match the essay's quality, the admissions officer will start thinking your whole application is riddled with lies.

Admission officers have full access to your writing portion of the SAT or ACT so that they can compare work that was done in proctored conditions with that done at home. They can tell if these were written by different people. Not only that, but there are now a number of search engines that faculty and admission officers can use to see if an essay contains strings of words that have appeared in other essays—you have no guarantee that the essay you bought wasn't also bought by 50 other students.

• You should get college essay help with both editing and proofreading
• A good editor will ask questions about your idea, logic, and structure, and will point out places where clarity is needed
• A good editor will absolutely not answer these questions, give you their own ideas, or write the essay or parts of the essay for you
• A good proofreader will find typos and check your formatting
• All of them agree that getting light editing and proofreading is necessary
• Parents, teachers, guidance or college counselor, and peers or siblings
• If you can't ask any of those, you can pay for college essay help, but watch out for services or coaches who over-edit you work
• Don't buy a pre-written essay! Colleges can tell, and it'll make your whole application sound false.

Ready to start working on your essay? Check out our explanation of the point of the personal essay and the role it plays on your applications and then explore our step-by-step guide to writing a great college essay .

Using the Common Application for your college applications? We have an excellent guide to the Common App essay prompts and useful advice on how to pick the Common App prompt that's right for you . Wondering how other people tackled these prompts? Then work through our roundup of over 130 real college essay examples published by colleges .

Stressed about whether to take the SAT again before submitting your application? Let us help you decide how many times to take this test . If you choose to go for it, we have the ultimate guide to studying for the SAT to give you the ins and outs of the best ways to study.

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Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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Examples of Submission Feedback

The following are actual responses to some of our recent submissions to the Online Writing Lab, although the names have been changed to maintain the anonymity of student writers. You can expect similarly global-oriented comments and suggestions for developing your own work. Of course, length and type of feedback vary between individual tutors and between essay submissions.

Dear Rachel: I think you touch on some really nice ideas in this paper, which I'll talk about in a minute, but first I want to address one general concern I had about your writing. You have a tendency to spend too much time summarizing the plot--this is time when you could be advancing your argument. You don't need to tell your reader what happens in the story; you can assume that he or she already knows. For example, look at this paragraph: [...] Everything that I've noted with square brackets is plot summary. The sentence that begins "Feeling rejected, the creature wanders away..." is borderline because you're making a judgment about the creature's motivations, but in general you shouldn't spend time repeating the events of the story. The second part of this paragraph is much better in that you're talking about motivations and making arguments. I think you've got some really interesting ideas in this paper, particularly in your fifth and sixth paragraphs, but you need to expand upon them. For example, you might spend more time talking about Millhauser's rationale--WHY does he think the monster should have been presented as a brutal beast throughout? What would be lost in such a presentation? Why is it better that Shelley shows the monster in terms of growth and progression? You introduce this idea in your introduction, arguing that Shelley is deliberately playing with the reader's sympathies, for the monster and for Frankenstein. Could you say more about HOW she does this? What is the effect of the reader's divided sympathies? Where does the sympathy lie at the end of the book? Why might Shelley be interested in this? In general, what is the value of making the creature sympathetic? I hope you found some of the questions I've raised valuable. You've touched on some interesting issues in this paper, and there is definitely plenty of room for you to develop them even further. If you have any questions about anything I've said, or any further questions, please feel free to write back to me. Good luck with your paper and thank you for submitting to the OWL!

Mark, Thank you for submitting your paper to the OWL; I am a Political Science major and very much enjoyed reading it. Below you will find a few suggestions for how to strengthen your writing during the revision process. You wrote that your major concerns with your paper were "abstract prose" and "elementary points." I did not find your arguments to be too simplistic or "elementary," nor did your language seem too abstract. It did, however, lack clarity and definition at some points. Specifically, there are some concepts that you repeat throughout your paper but never define. One is the "republican role." It may be that your instructor discussed this idea at length in class, or that Machiavelli does in his Discourses on Livy, but there is no such discussion in your paper. A stronger paper would define the proper role of a leader in a republican state from the beginning. Some theoretical questions you may want to consider on this point include: what is the difference between a republican leader and a tyrannical leader? How can one distinguish between the two? Why is it important to prevent against tyranny? Is the leader subservient to the will of the people? Is the leader responsible to anyone? Where does the leader draw his power or right to govern from? What does it mean to "be subordinate to a republican role"? What qualities are valuable in a leader? Which ones are dangerous? It may be beneficial to read over your paper with a critical eye looking for vague concepts. What ideas do you reference but never fully explain? Do you take certain concepts for granted? If you find such problems, generating a list of questions to focus your idea (as above) can be a helpful exercise. There were two more areas I found especially lacking in definition: the concept of tyranny and a "short time in office." Thank you again for submitting your paper to the OWL. Your arguments are strong and I hope my comments will help to fine-tune your essay. Please feel free to e-mail me for further assistance or clarification. Good luck with your revisions!

Thanks for submitting your essay-I enjoyed reading it. I hope my comments help you in your revision process.

Your personal narrative is without a doubt at its best when you give vivid details of the day from your perspective, which is, as you describe, a very unique one. The "chalky taste" of the air, for instance, is a detail that really brings the scene to life.

You asked for help with structure, and I think the most sensible structure in this case is a chronological one. It's fine to start with a vivid scene to land the reader in the event, but then it makes sense to step back and tell the story as it happened. To help you accomplish this end, you might consider listing each of the major points you want to cover and then turning them into an outline. It might help, too, to think about the overall message you want to convey. Then make sure all of your details contribute to that message.

As for constructive comments, you never really explain why you were at Ground Zero on September 12. Do you just happen to live nearby? Did you have any special connection to the firefighters or the victims? Why did you decide to help out?

I would also be careful of the very general statements you use to sum up the essay, such as , "That day brought to my attention a side of humanity that had lay dormant in my mind. That moment in time showed me that people have the capacity to act unselfishly." It's best to convey your point through examples rather than summation-the old advice to "show not tell."

It takes a lot of courage to tackle in an essay the events of September 11 and the days following, but I think you have a great perspective, and the ability to look beyond the chaos to the details of the scene.

Feel free to write back as you revise this piece. I'd be glad to talk more about it.

Hello, Angela,

Your paper is coherent, well-organized, and very informative. You do a nice job of incorporating various theorists and applying their ideas to the phenomenon of AHANA. You also do a good job of considering "the opposing viewpoint" and introducing relevant arguments to substantiate your position.

One area I would suggest giving a little more attention to how exactly AHANA functions. You mention that the term was coined as an alternative to the more negative term "minority," and that the group exists to "promote understanding..." etc. But I still want to know more about HOW the group works to achieve their goals; do they sponsor events on campus? hold workshops? etc. You did an effective job of explaining the philosophy of the group, but I would be interested in seeing just a little bit more of how it works in action, so to speak.

The second point is that you might want to explain in greater detail how subjective experiences shape the need for a group such as AHANA. You mention that racial and cultural differences do exist and that the "differing perspectives caused by these distinctions exist regardless of whether they are acknowledged." This is a very integral part of your argument, so maybe developing it further would be helpful. I realize it's a very broad concept to try and condense within your paper, but focusing on explicating that part might be helpful. Overall, I think you have a very strong paper that seems to fulfill the parameters of the assignment quite well.

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Sample College Admission Essay 1 with Feedback

Introduction.

We've discussed in a general sense what makes a good essay, but it's always helpful to look at specific examples and hear how admissions officers evaluated them. Included below is a sample essay. It's well-written and avoids the common admission essay pitfalls discussed in previous videos (listing off accomplishments like a resume, writing about someone else instead of making it personal, etc.), so it's not simple to know how an admissions officer will react. Read the essay, and then proceed to the follow-up video to hear from admissions.

Sample essay 1

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you (500 word limit).

A misplaced foot on the accelerator instead of the brakes made me the victim of someone’s careless mistake. Rushing through the dark streets of my hometown in an ambulance, I attempted to hold back my tears while two supportive Emergency Medical Technicians (EMTs) comforted me. Although I suffered a minor knee injury, the trauma of that accident still lingers.

Fast forward six years to the present. Now I am sitting in the back of the ambulance, a rookie EMT, with my purple gloves on, stethoscope around my neck, and a red medical bag in hand. I am also making sure we have the proper medical equipment stocked, including neck collars and long body boards. As I step out of the ambulance, a bitter breeze nips at my face. Shattered glass, two crushed car hoods, and traffic everywhere, the scene is put into perspective as I can finally see what is happening. I stop in my tracks. It is my accident all over again.

“Get the collars and boards, there is a possible back injury,” my partner whispers to me. I fetch the items, still attempting to deal with my conflicting emotions. Using the help of five other EMTs, we extricate the victim from the car and secure him to the stretcher. While in the ambulance, I realize now that circumstances have been reversed. This time, clutching the patient’s hand, I tried to soothe him, and he slowly calms down. I keep my composure and actively tried to help the patient feel as comfortable as I did. Keeping all of his personal belongings close to me, we wheel him into the busy emergency room and transfer him safely. As we leave, he looked into my eyes and I could feel his sincere gratitude. Rather than being an innocent victim, like the current patient was, I am now the rescuer.

Even though I felt the horrid memories rushing back, I kept my duties as a rescuer in the forefront of my mind. Keeping my cool in the face of extreme pressure I came out of the call a changed person: someone who can see a problem, regardless of any bias I may have, and focus only on what is happening at that instant. Confidently facing my own terrors, I felt as if conquering my fears allowed me to face my duties with a grounded and compassionate outlook.

Tears stream, limbs hurt, children cry: I am there, with a smile on my face, a stethoscope around my neck, compassion in my heart, happy to help and proud to serve.

Related Articles

Title Page Setup

A title page is required for all APA Style papers. There are both student and professional versions of the title page. Students should use the student version of the title page unless their instructor or institution has requested they use the professional version. APA provides a student title page guide (PDF, 199KB) to assist students in creating their title pages.

Student title page

The student title page includes the paper title, author names (the byline), author affiliation, course number and name for which the paper is being submitted, instructor name, assignment due date, and page number, as shown in this example.

Title page setup is covered in the seventh edition APA Style manuals in the Publication Manual Section 2.3 and the Concise Guide Section 1.6

Related handouts

• Student Title Page Guide (PDF, 263KB)
• Student Paper Setup Guide (PDF, 3MB)

Student papers do not include a running head unless requested by the instructor or institution.

Follow the guidelines described next to format each element of the student title page.

Professional title page

The professional title page includes the paper title, author names (the byline), author affiliation(s), author note, running head, and page number, as shown in the following example.

Follow the guidelines described next to format each element of the professional title page.

• Center for Excellence in Writing >
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Written Feedback Service

As you may have noticed, here at the CEW our favorite word is  dialogue . We love a good exchange of ideas and perspectives, and especially giving you, the writer, space to voice your questions, explore your ideas, and work out any dilemmas you are having in the writing process.  

That being said, our second favorite word might be  inclusivity . We know that not everyone, in every situation, at every time, is able to make a synchronous appointment work.  

For that reason, we are piloting a  written feedback service .  With your help, we’ll make it as dialogical and responsive as possible! 

These appointments do not require a face-to-face or online meeting, but allow you to request specific feedback and receive it through written comments.  

How do I know if this service is right for me?

Written feedback appointments may be a good option for you if:  

• Your schedule does not permit attendance in a synchronous session.  
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• You prefer the asynchronous format.   

How do I make a written feedback appointment?

Fill out this form. 

How will I receive my feedback?

When we first receive your request, we will send you a confirmation email letting you know how quickly we can get your feedback to you. (Usually between 2-24 hours, depending upon demand.) You will receive your feedback via email. Make sure you submit yout document via Word or a Google doc link so that our consultants can place comments on it. 

What kind of feedback can I get?

First of all, we must specify that this is not an editing or revision service. That is, the consultant will not change your writing. Instead, they will give you feedback on your writing. You will be prompted to describe the kind of feedback you want on the appointment form. You may find yourself wanting different kinds of feedback depending upon your goals, your prior experience, and where you are in the writing process.  

For example, say you have written a first draft of an argument paper and have a few more days until it is due. You want it to be the best it can be before you submit it. So you might ask:

Please give me some feedback on my argument so that I can revise and make it better.  I’m unsure if my thesis statement is carried through throughout the paper, and I want to make sure it makes sense and flows for the reader. I felt things were getting a little disorganized as I was writing.    

This is a great feedback request because it is likely that your professor’s most important grading criteria for the paper is the clarity and strength of your argument and you still have time to revise before submitting!  

But what if you have only a short window of time before submitting your essay and you feel satisfied about the strength and clarity of your argument?  You’re still motivated to improve your essay, but you know you don’t want feedback about substantive revision.  No problem, you can ask something like:

I feel satisfied with my overall argument and organization, but I just want to get some fresh eyes on this paper to make sure I haven’t missed any errors, style issues, or other red flags before I submit!  Also, please let me know if there are any parts that you don’t understand.  

Another scenario is that you might be in the middle of a writing process and you have a specific question to ask.  For example:

I’ve only written the introduction so far, but before I go on, I wanted some feedback on my thesis statement. Am I on the right track?  

I’ve never written in APA format before, can you take a look at this, and see if I am doing it correctly? I am a little unsure where I even need to cite!   

If you give us a general prompt like: please give me feedback on this essay, we will provide a holistic response:  2-3 things that are working well in the paper, 1 -2 areas to work on that will make the greatest positive impact in revision,. And, if applicable, we may point out a couple of grammatical or technical patterns of which you can be mindful when you get to your editing stage.  

Keep in mind that you can always schedule a follow-up synchronous appointment with the same consultant or a different one if you want to discuss the feedback or share your writing again after revising.

• To use this service, you must be a current UB student and the writing you submit must be your own.  (Please do not send us AI generated text.  If you want to learn about AI and the Writing process, make an in-person appointment.)  
• Writers may not exceed one written feedback appointment per week.
• We only accept Word doc, docx or Google doc submissions. Assignment sheets can be provided in PDF form.  The consultant must be able to make comments on the document.  

Considerations

• The consultant will have 45 minutes to work on your draft.  Please keep this in mind when it comes to the kind of feedback you request and the length of the assignment you submit.  (Generally, if your document is more than 10 page double spaced, you may need to submit a specific section you wish the consultant to focus upon.) 
• Remember that our consultants have special training or advanced experience when it comes to giving feedback, but the choices you make related to your writing are your own. You are the author, and you must use your own discernment when it comes to revision. The consultant cannot comment upon the grade they think you might receive. CEW feedback should never compete with your instructor’s; it should be considered another perspective for you to consider in your revision process.  
• Since this is a new service, we do not yet know how high the demand will be or how users will experience or interact with the service.  Waiting times for return of feedback will be influenced by demand and policies may need to shift as we study the service patterns.  
• We hope written feedback be a useful form of support that increases access and inclusion for CEW services.  We encourage you, however, to continue to take advantage of the CEW’s synchronous (in person or online) appointments which facilitate conversation and responsiveness.  
• You might find that a written feedback appointment followed by a synchronous appointment to discuss your revision plan is an especially powerful combination!  
• Your submissions are confidential and handled with care.  Only the consultant who is responding to your work will have access to your document and will only pass it along at your request if you choose to make a follow-up consultation with another consultant.

Jerron Wheeler

University of Florida Levin College of Law

P.O. Box 117625

Gainesville, FL 32611-7625

United States

Scholarly Papers (2)

• Original List
• All Versions Hide All Versions
• All Abstracts Hide All Abstracts

Breaking Bias: A Singular Chapter Solution for Racial Equity in Consumer Bankruptcy

bankruptcy, consumer bankruptcy, COVID-19, medical debt, racial bias, policy, CBRA, chapter 7, chapter 13, chapter 10

Defunding C.O.P.S.: Conditioning Federal Funding to State and Local Law Enforcement Agencies Upon the Implementation of a Program that Screens its Current and Future Officers for White Supremacist Affiliations 

policing, Spending clause, racism, federal grants

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• August 25, 2022—KB5016691 (OS Build 22000.918) Preview
• August 9, 2022—KB5016629 (OS Build 22000.856)
• July 21, 2022—KB5015882 (OS Build 22000.832) Preview
• July 12, 2022—KB5015814 (OS Build 22000.795)
• June 23, 2022—KB5014668 (OS Build 22000.778) Preview
• June 20, 2022—KB5016138 (OS Build 22000.740) Out-of-band
• June 14, 2022—KB5014697 (OS Build 22000.739)
• May 24, 2022—KB5014019 (OS Build 22000.708) Preview
• May 10, 2022—KB5013943 (OS Build 22000.675)
• April 25, 2022—KB5012643 (OS Build 22000.652) Preview
• April 12, 2022—KB5012592 (OS Build 22000.613)
• March 28, 2022—KB5011563 (OS Build 22000.593) Preview
• March 8, 2022—KB5011493 (OS Build 22000.556)
• February 15, 2022—KB5010414 (OS Build 22000.527) Preview
• February 8, 2022—KB5010386 (OS Build 22000.493)
• January 25, 2022—KB5008353 (OS Build 22000.469) Preview
• January 17, 2022—KB5010795 (OS Build 22000.438) Out-of-band
• January 11, 2022—KB5009566 (OS Build 22000.434)
• December 14, 2021—KB5008215 (OS Build 22000.376)
• November 22, 2021—KB5007262 (OS Build 22000.348) Preview
• November 9, 2021—KB5007215 (OS Build 22000.318)
• October 21, 2021—KB5006746 (OS Build 22000.282) Preview
• October 12, 2021—KB5006674 (OS Build 22000.258)

Release Date:

OS Builds 22621.4037 and 22631.4037

07/09/24--- END OF SERVICE NOTICE ---

IMPORTANT Home and Pro editions of Windows 11, version 22H2 will reach end of service on October 8, 2024. Until then, these editions will only receive security updates. They will not receive non-security, preview updates. To continue receiving security and non-security updates after October 8, 2024, we recommend that you update to the latest version of Windows.

Note We will continue to support Enterprise and Education editions after October 8, 2024.

For information about Windows update terminology, see the article about the  types of Windows updates  and the  monthly quality update types . For an overview of Windows 11, version 23H2, see its update history page . 

Note  Follow  @WindowsUpdate  to find out when new content is published to the Windows release health dashboard.       

This update addresses security issues for your Windows operating system. 

 Improvements

Note:  To view the list of addressed issues, click or tap the OS name to expand the collapsible section.

Important:  Use EKB  KB5027397  to update to Windows 11, version 23H2.

This security update includes quality improvements. Key changes include: 

This build includes all the improvements in Windows 11, version 22H2.

No additional issues are documented for this release.

This security update includes improvements that were a part of update KB5040527   (released July 23, 2024). Below is a summary of the key issues that this update addresses when you install this KB. If there are new features, it lists them as well. The bold text within the brackets indicates the item or area of the change we are documenting.  

[BitLocker (known issue)] A BitLocker recovery screen shows when you start up your device. This occurs after you install the July 9, 2024, update. This issue is more likely to occur if device encryption is on. Go to Settings > Privacy & Security > Device encryption . To unlock your drive, Windows might ask you to enter the recovery key from your Microsoft account.

[Lock screen] This update addresses CVE-2024-38143. Because of this, the “Use my Windows user account” checkbox is not available on the lock screen to connect to Wi-Fi.

[NetJoinLegacyAccountReuse] This update removes this registry key. For more information refer to KB5020276—Netjoin: Domain join hardening changes .

[Secure Boot Advanced Targeting (SBAT) and Linux Extensible Firmware Interface (EFI)] This update applies SBAT to systems that run Windows. This stops vulnerable Linux EFI (Shim bootloaders) from running. This SBAT update will not apply to systems that dual-boot Windows and Linux. After the SBAT update is applied, older Linux ISO images might not boot. If this occurs, work with your Linux vendor to get an updated ISO image.

If you installed earlier updates, only the new updates contained in this package will be downloaded and installed on your device.

For more information about security vulnerabilities, please refer to the Security Update Guide website and the August 2024 Security Updates .

Windows 11 servicing stack update (KB5041584) - 22621.4027 and 22631.4027

This update makes quality improvements to the servicing stack, which is the component that installs Windows updates. Servicing stack updates (SSU) ensure that you have a robust and reliable servicing stack so that your devices can receive and install Microsoft updates.

Known issues in this update

Microsoft is not currently aware of any issues with this update.

How to get this update

Before you install this update

Microsoft combines the latest servicing stack update (SSU) for your operating system with the latest cumulative update (LCU). For general information about SSUs, see Servicing stack updates  and  Servicing Stack Updates (SSU): Frequently Asked Questions . 

Install this update

To install this update, use one of the following Windows and Microsoft release channels.

If you want to remove the LCU

To remove the LCU after installing the combined SSU and LCU package, use the DISM/Remove-Package command line option with the LCU package name as the argument. You can find the package name by using this command: DISM /online /get-packages .

Running Windows Update Standalone Installer ( wusa.exe ) with the /uninstall switch on the combined package will not work because the combined package contains the SSU. You cannot remove the SSU from the system after installation.

File information

For a list of the files that are provided in this update, download the  file information for cumulative update 5041585 . 

For a list of the files that are provided in the servicing stack update, download the  file information for the SSU (KB5041584) - versions 22621.4027 and 22631.4027 .  

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Trump and Allies Forge Plans to Increase Presidential Power in 2025

The former president and his backers aim to strengthen the power of the White House and limit the independence of federal agencies.

Donald J. Trump intends to bring independent regulatory agencies under direct presidential control. Credit... Doug Mills/The New York Times

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By Jonathan Swan Charlie Savage and Maggie Haberman

• Published July 17, 2023 Updated July 18, 2023

Donald J. Trump and his allies are planning a sweeping expansion of presidential power over the machinery of government if voters return him to the White House in 2025, reshaping the structure of the executive branch to concentrate far greater authority directly in his hands.

Their plans to centralize more power in the Oval Office stretch far beyond the former president’s recent remarks that he would order a criminal investigation into his political rival, President Biden, signaling his intent to end the post-Watergate norm of Justice Department independence from White House political control.

Mr. Trump and his associates have a broader goal: to alter the balance of power by increasing the president’s authority over every part of the federal government that now operates, by either law or tradition, with any measure of independence from political interference by the White House, according to a review of his campaign policy proposals and interviews with people close to him.

Mr. Trump intends to bring independent agencies — like the Federal Communications Commission, which makes and enforces rules for television and internet companies, and the Federal Trade Commission, which enforces various antitrust and other consumer protection rules against businesses — under direct presidential control.

He wants to revive the practice of “impounding” funds, refusing to spend money Congress has appropriated for programs a president doesn’t like — a tactic that lawmakers banned under President Richard Nixon.

He intends to strip employment protections from tens of thousands of career civil servants, making it easier to replace them if they are deemed obstacles to his agenda. And he plans to scour the intelligence agencies, the State Department and the defense bureaucracies to remove officials he has vilified as “the sick political class that hates our country.”

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