examples of a senior essay

Requirements and Guidelines for the Senior Essay

In the English Department, as in other departments, the Senior Essay consists of an extended research and writing project (critical, not creative) undertaken with the guidance of a faculty advisor. The Senior Essay is not a requirement for completing the English major, nor is it required for receiving distinction in the major. It does, however, offer a satisfying way to fulfill one semester of the senior requirement. Writing an essay provides an opportunity for those who are eager to pursue a special interest, who like to write long papers, and who work well independently. Be warned that it entails inexorable deadlines and exacting effort; it can be thrilling to write a senior essay, but only if you are committed to the project. Procrastination has repeatedly proved a grave mistake. Given an essay of this magnitude, you cannot leave reading, writing, and ruminating until the last minute. If you have any doubts, take a Senior Seminar.

In addition to the prospectus and final draft, you will be asked to hand in, at the end of four weeks, five to ten pages of writing or, if appropriate, an annotated bibliography so that you, your advisor, and the department will know how your work is proceeding relatively early in the term. By the end of the seventh week, an extended piece of writing should be submitted. And by the end of the tenth week, a rough draft is due (to ensure the essay will be carefully thought through and receives feedback from your advisor before you revise).

You will be expected to consult frequently with your advisor throughout the semester, both about your research and about the substance of your developing argument; we recommend at least four meetings, with bi-weekly meetings as the norm. Typically, finished senior essays range from 30-40 pages. Some drafts are considerably longer (40-50 pages) and require cutting as well as revising; other drafts are shorter (25-30 pages) and require expansion as well as revision of the argument.

Specific requirements are as follows:

1. In the term before you intend to write your essay (see I mportant Dates ), you must hand in to the DUS office a completed proposal form for ENGL 4100 or 4101 and a prospectus, which includes the following information:

(a) a description of your topic (approximately 2 pages)

(b) a bibliography of the reading and research, both primary and secondary, you intend to undertake (If part of your project will consist in looking for sources, you must still indicate subjects that you will pursue in your research.)

(c) a list of the introductory and advanced courses you have taken that have prepared you to do independent work on your topic

(d) a schedule of meetings with your advisor

(e) your advisor’s signature

If you intend to pursue a two-semester essay (not commonly done, but a possibility for substantial research projects), please conceptualize your project in two parts so that you can submit an essay for evaluation at the end of the fall semester.

Within two weeks after you submit your prospectus, you will receive an email from the senior essay committee, via the Registrar in the DUS’s office, granting approval or asking for clarification. Approval is not automatic, and the Senior Essay committee may stipulate revisions to the project as a condition of approval.

2. By the end of Week 4 of classes, you must hand in five to ten pages of writing, along with an annotated list of at least two secondary sources relevant to your essay; or , if the project requires a substantial amount of research, an annotated bibliography of the works you have consulted together with an outline of the reading you have still to do. You may decide, in consultation with your advisor, which of these options is the more appropriate for you. This work should be turned in to your advisor.

3. By the end of Week 7 of classes, you must hand in ten to twelve pages of writing (possibly inclusive of your earlier five pages) and, as part of that writing or separately, a brief discussion of your project’s engagement with one or more secondary sources. This work should be turned in to your advisor.

4. By the end of Week 10, you must hand in a full or almost full draft to your advisor: consult your advisor for details.

Failure to submit the draft on time or the preliminary work described above may affect the final grade received for the essay.

5. The final essay is due by noon on the last day of classes in the fall term and on the Friday before the last day of classes in the spring term (see I mportant Dates ); it should include a bibliography of works consulted. Submit the essay to the DUS office electronically (pdf preferred) by emailing it to the departmental registrar.

Your essay will be read, graded, and commented upon both by your advisor and by a second reader chosen by the Senior Essay Committee. The two readers’ reports, will be available from the DUS office two to three weeks after you hand in the final draft. The department will keep a copy on file so that students in the future can see what kinds of projects have been undertaken.

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Last updated July 17, 2024

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Blog > Common App , Essay Examples , Personal Statement > 21 College Essay Examples (Graded by Former Admissions Officers)

21 College Essay Examples (Graded by Former Admissions Officers)

Admissions officer reviewed by Ben Bousquet, M.Ed Former Vanderbilt University

Written by Alex McNeil, MA Admissions Consultant

Key Takeaway

Have you ever wondered what goes through an admissions officer’s mind as they read college essays? It's one of the questions the parents and students we work with ask us the most.

We’ve asked our team of former admissions officers to read through the essays, analyze them, offer editing ideas, and assign them grades.

Let’s jump right into an example to kick things off.

College Essay Example #1: Clair de Lune

In this first example essay, Clair de Lune, we'll watch Alex review the essay in real-time. Let's take a look.

The writer here uses what we call a "sacred practice" format in the Essay Academy , and they do it well. It's easy to see the meaning music holds in the writer's life. Importantly, this isn't an essay about Anna. It's an essay about the writer. More specifically, it's an essay about the writer's journey as a musician—and the ambiguity and imperfection that comes with it. By the end of the essay, the writer has come full circle. Throughout the essay, the writer also uses strong, creative language and a tight narrative pacing. Grade: A!

Before we get into the rest of our examples, let's take a quick detour to go over the role essays play in the admissions process.

How to Use College Essay Examples

Here’s the thing. People in college admissions have lots of different opinions about whether students should read example essays. But we believe that reading example essays is a crucial step in the college essay writing process.

If you don’t know what a college essay looks like, then how should you expect yourself to write one?

So reading examples is important.

However! There’s a caveat. The point of reading college essay examples isn’t to copy them or even to get inspiration from them. It’s to analyze them and apply what you’ve learned to your own college essay.

To help you do that, our team of former admissions officers has taken this super-comprehensive compilation of college essay examples and pointed out exactly what you need to know before you start writing.

Let me break down how this post works:

Categories:

We’ve put together a great variety of college essay examples and sorted them into three categories, including…

Best college essay examples: these examples are the creme-de-la-creme. They’re written by a small percentage of students who are exceptional writers.
Good college essay examples: these examples are solid. They do exactly what they need to do on the admissions committee floor. You’re aiming to write a good college essay.
“Bad” college essay examples: these examples illustrate a few of the most common college essay mistakes we see.

Our former admissions officers have assigned each essay a letter grade to help you understand where it falls on the scale of “bad” college essays to exceptional college essays.

Alongside our categorization and grades, our former admissions officers have also annotated the essays and provided concrete feedback about what works and what could be improved.

The majority of essays you’ll see here are written in response to the Common Application personal statement prompts. We’ve also included a few stellar supplemental essays at the end of the post.

How an Admissions Officer Reads College Essays

All admissions officers are different. And all institutions ask their admissions officers to read in different ways.

But there are a few strategies that shape how the majority of admissions officers read college essays. (If you want a look behind the mysterious admissions curtain, read our post about how admissions offices read tens of thousands of applications every year .)

First, we need to talk about application reading as a whole.

Remember that admissions officers are reading your college essays in the context of your entire application. It’s likely that by the time they get to your essay, they’ve already glanced at your background information, activities , and transcript . They may have even looked at your letters of recommendation or additional information.

Why is this detail important? It matters because your college essays need to be in conversation with the rest of your application. We refer to this strategy as adopting a “ cohesive application narrative .” Your unique personal brand—who you are, what you’re good at, what you value—should emerge across all of your application materials.

To summarize: your college essays don’t exist in a vacuum. Your admissions officers learn about who you are from your entire application, and your college essays are the place where you get to tell them exactly what you want them to know. You should write them in a way that creates balance among the other parts of your application.

So once your admissions officers get to your college essays, what are they looking for?

They’re looking for several things. Each of your essays doesn’t have to address all of these points, but they are a great place to start:

Personal narrative that explains who you are and where you come from
Details about specific activities, accomplishments, or inclinations
Personality traits that make you who you are
Lessons you’ve learned throughout your life
Values that you hold dear
Information about how you interact with the world around you
Highlights about what makes you special, strong, interesting, or unique

What do all of these points have in common? They revolve around your core strengths . We’ve written more extensively about core strengths in our college essay writing guide . But for now, just know this: your college essays should tell admissions officers something positive about yourself. They want to know who you are, what motivates you, and why you would be an active contributor to their campus.

As we go through the following example essays, remember: college essays are read alongside the rest of your application, and college admissions officers read your essays to learn about your core strengths. That's why our work with students focuses on creating a clear, cohesive narrative across the personal statement and supplemental essays, as you'll see in this post.

Okay, let’s get to it. Ready? Buckle up.

The Best College Essay Examples

As an admissions officer, every so often you come across an essay that blows you away. It stops you in your tracks, makes you laugh or cry, or resonates deeply with you. When exceptional essays come through your application bin, you’re reminded what an honor it is to get these fleeting glimpses into incredible students’ lives.

As an applicant, you may be wondering how to write this kind of exceptional college essay. Unfortunately, there’s no simple formula. You can’t “hack” your way into it. You have to write vulnerable, authentically, and beautifully—which is much easier said than done. We have a whole guide on how to write a personal statement that stands out, so we recommend that you start there.

For now, let’s take a look at some of our favorites.

College Essay Example #2: The Gospel of Steve

The first college essay we'll look at got an A+ grade and is about the writer's experience with depression and... Steve Irwin. It's a common application essay. Check it out:

" In sophomore year, I struggled with depression((While this is a fantastic essay, this hook could definitely be stronger.)) . I felt like I was constantly battling against the darkness that seemed to be closing in on me. Until, that is, I found solace in the teachings of Steve Irwin.((This unusual last sentence drew me in when I read this for the first time.))

When I first discovered Steve Irwin and his show "The Crocodile Hunter," I was captivated by his passion for wildlife. He was fearless, jumping into danger without hesitation to save an animal in need. But it was more than just his bravery that inspired me; it was his infectious energy and love for life. Watching him on TV, I couldn't help but feel a little bit better about my own struggles.((This explicit reflection does a fantastic job connecting the writer’s experiences to this Steve Irwin reference.))

But it wasn't until I read his biography that I truly felt the impact Steve had on my life. In the book, he talked openly about his own struggles with depression. He talked about the dark moments in his life, when he felt like he was drowning in despair. But he also talked about how he fought back against the darkness, how he refused to let it consume him, and how he turned his depression into a career that allowed him to follow his biggest passions.

Reading Steve's words, I felt like he was speaking directly to me.((Another beautiful transition)) I wasn't alone in my struggles if someone as brave and fearless as Steve had faced similar challenges. And that gave me the courage to keep going. I started visiting a therapist, exercising regularly, and practicing mindfulness meditation. Day by day, I lifted myself out of my depression–all with a healthy dose of “Crocodile Hunter” each evening after I finished my homework((The writer does a great job focusing on action steps here.)) .

One of the things that I admired most about Steve was his ability to find joy and laughter in the most unlikely places. He was always cracking jokes, even in the face of danger. He taught me that laughter and humor can be a powerful tool in the fight against depression. I went looking for the humor in my own struggles. I started learning about how stand-up comedy works, and wrote my own five-minute skit finding the humor and silver lining((The writer expands their connection to Steve Irwin even more through this comedy thread.)) in my depression. I wasn’t a great comic, let me tell you. But being able to channel my experience into something positive—something that helped others laugh—was extremely gratifying to me.

Depression((The reflection in this paragraph is exactly what writers need to tie all the information together before reaching the conclusion.)) is a bizarre thing. One day, you’re besieged by it from every side and it looks like there’s no way out. Then, two months later, if you’re diligent, you look around the world and wonder what you ever had to be upset about. You find goodness and light in the things around you—your friends, your family, your habits, and your hobbies. These forces act as buttresses to keep you standing up and moving forward.

As silly as it may sound, I credit Steve Irwin with that first buttress. His experience and outlook on life gave me the push I needed to cultivate bravery and resilience in the face of my struggle with mental health. My eternal goal is now to practice the gospel of Steve—to always pass along humor, passion, and encouragement to others, especially to those who seem down and out. Thank you, Steve."

Word Count: 525

Admissions Officer Notes on The Gospel of Steve

This essay captured my attention because of its unique pairing of a tough subject—depression—with a light-hearted and endearing topic—Steve Irwin.

The writer doesn’t dwell in the experience of depression but instead finds hope and light by focusing on how their favorite TV star changed their perspective. Why this essay stands out:

Great organization and sign-posting . The essay clearly progresses through each part of the writer’s journey. The first sentence of each paragraph signals to the reader what that paragraph will be about.
Focus on action steps. It’s very apparent that this writer is a do-er. The focus of the essay is on the way they emerged from their depression, not on the depression itself.
Meaningful reflection. Especially in the second-to-last paragraph and conclusion, the writer beautifully reflects on what depression and hope mean to them.
Core strengths. From this essay alone, I gather that the writer is a sage archetype . They clearly show their wisdom and ability to persist through challenges.

Most importantly, they’ve written the essay around communicating their core strengths.

College Essay Example #3: The Embroidery Scientist

This essay is about a writer's Etsy store and the connection she draws between fashion and science.

I stretch the thin fabric over my hoop and pull it tight, wedging the nested rings between my legs to secure them shut with my other hand((This hook is compelling. It makes us ask, “What in the world is the writer doing?” We are compelled to read on to find out.)) .

Next I get out the thread. Each color is wound tightly around a paper spool and stored in a container whose original purpose was to store fishing tackle.

I look at the pre-printed design on the fabric and decide what colors to select. Orange, red, pink, yellow–this design will be as bright and happy as I can make it.

Embroidery is where the STEM and creative parts of my identity converge((Here we get a clear, explicit statement of the writer’s main point. This isn’t always necessary, but it can help your reader navigate your essay more easily if you have a lot going on.)) . My STEM side is calculated. She meticulously plans the designs, mocks them up in photoshop, and painstakingly transfers them onto the fabric. She organizes each thread color by its place in ROYGBIV and cuts every piece to an identical length of 18”. Her favorite stitch is the French Knot, with its methodical “one, two” wrap sequence. For her, art is about precision.

My creative side, on the other hand, is messy. She throws thread scraps on the floor without hesitation, and she haphazardly adds design elements in pen. She does a Lazy Daisy stitch very lazily while adding an indescribable flourish to a simple backstitch. Her methods are indeed madness: she’ll border a design with glitter glue, hang a finished project upside down, or stitch a big red X over a perfectly good embroidery. For her, art is about meaning.

While these two sides of myself may seem at odds((Seamless transition to talking about Etsy accomplishment)) , they actually complement each other perfectly. At least, that’s what 3,000 of my Etsy customers think. From three-inch hoops to massive wall hangings, my Etsy shop is a compilation of the best embroidery I’ve ever done. My precision and meaning have earned me hundreds of five-star reviews from customers whose lives I’ve impacted with my art. And none of that art would have been possible without STEM me and creative me.

My STEM and creative side complement each other in more than my embroidery life too. What began as a creative side hustle has actually made me a better scientist((Another good transition to discussing passion and talent for science)) .

Before I started embroidering, I approached the lab bench with an eye like a ruler. Poured a millimeter too much liquid? Better get a pipette. Went a degree over boiling? Time to start over. My lab reports demonstrated my knowledge, skill, and care, but they didn’t show any innovation or ingenuity. My precision led me to be a good scientist but not an exceptional one.

I realized that to be exceptional, I needed to think like a real scientist. While scientists are careful and precise, they are also interrogators. They constantly question the world around them, identifying previously unseen problems and finding creative solutions. To become the scientist I wanted to be, I needed to allow myself to be more creative((This is a good example of what reflection throughout the essay should look like.)) .

When I had this realization, I had just begun my embroidery business. I didn’t understand that my creativity could also be so useful in the lab. I set out on a new path to use more creativity in the pursuit of science.

To inspire myself, I brought an embroidery project to the lab. On it, I stitched a compound microscope and a quote from one of my favorite scientists, Marie Curie. It reads, “ I am among those who think that science has great beauty.”

In the lab now, I’m not afraid to take risks and try new things((Here we see clear personal growth.)) . When I boil my mixture too long, I still start over. But occasionally, when my teacher permits, I do a second experiment on the rejected liquid just to see what will happen. Sometimes nothing happens. Sometimes it results in utter failure. But other times, my mistakes create blue, green, and purple mixtures, mixtures that bubble and burst and fizz. All of these experiments are stitches in my quest to become a cancer researcher. They are messy, but they are beautiful((The conclusion ties beautifully back to the beginning, and we also learn what the writer is interested in pursuing in the future.)) .

Admissions Officer Notes on "Embroidery Scientist"

This writer has done an excellent job talking about two very different aspects of their identity. What I love about this essay is that the structure of the essay itself shows the writer’s creativity and precision. The essay is well-organized and precise, but the writing has a unique and creative flair. It demonstrates the writer’s point exactly. I also appreciate how the writer doesn’t just talk about these parts of their identity. They explicitly connect their creativity and precision to their future goals as a scientist.

Why this essay stands out:

Creative approach: The writer doesn’t just say, “I have two identities: creative and logical.” Instead, they illustrate that point through the wonderful example of embroidery. Connecting embroidery with science also shows this creativity.
Attention-grabbing hook : The introductory paragraphs place readers immediately into the essay. We’re drawn in because we’re curious what the writer is doing and how it will evolve into a more meaningful message.
Connection between personal and academic interests: The writer makes it clear why this story matters for their life in college. The creative and precise personalities aren’t inconsequential—they have a real effect on who this person wants to be.
Forward-looking conclusion: The writer ends by subtly telling admissions officers what they’re interested in doing during and after college.

College Essay Example #4: Poetry Slam

When I first met Simon, he was neither speaking nor singing. He was doing something in between(( This hook is a good “statement” hook that raises more questions than it answers.)) . With words that flowed together like an ancient tributary, he spoke music. His hands grasping a microphone, he swayed slowly from side to side. He was a poet. But unlike that of Yeats or Dickenson, Simon’s poetry wasn’t meant to be read on a page—it was meant to be experienced like an aural work of art. And I had never experienced anything more beautiful. Disheartened, I realized that my words would never sound like Simon’s(( These two sentences are essential because otherwise the introduction would be all about Simon, not the writer.)) .

I sat in my on-deck seat. Forgetting that I was up next, I admired his craft. The crescendos and decrescendos that mirrored his pacing, the quick staccatos that punctuated each stanza, the rhymes so subtle they almost disappeared—every second of his spoken word pulled me further from reality. I listened to his words like a devout in church(( This is good sentence pacing. A long, winding sentence is followed by a short one that keeps our attention and propels us forward.)) . Closing my eyes, I joined my hands together to count the syllables. From the outside, it probably looked like I was praying. And maybe I was. When Simon’s poem ended, the audience, though betrayed by the silence, erupted into applause.

It was my turn. I had spent an entire year perfecting my poem. My sister had grown accustomed to kicking me under the dinner table when someone asked me a question. She knew that my mind was in my beloved poetry notebook, mentally analyzing my latest draft. I’ve never been one for living in the moment. My report cards usually feature comments like, “She’s a good student but has trouble paying attention.” I’m always the first one out in dodgeball because my mind is completely absent from the school gym. But what seems like inattention to my teachers is actually a kind of profound focus(( This reflection widens the essay’s scope and reveals more about who the writer is as a person.)) .

When writing slam poetry, I become completely consumed. I like to start with the words. The rhythm and intonation come with time. For me, it’s about translating a feeling into language. It’s no easy task, but it feels like an obligation. Once the words come into being, they’re like a twister in my mind(( Good (and sparing) use of figurative language.)) . They spin and spin, destroying every other thought in their path. I can’t focus on anything else because, in the aftermath of a twister, nothing else exists.

And there on the stage, nothing else existed besides me and my poem. I spoke it into existence. Like Simon, I wrapped my hands around the microphone, willing my poem to be heard. The twister exited my mind and entered the world.

A few weeks ago(( Excellent signposting)) , I watched the recording of my first poetry slam, that slam two years ago when I saw Simon perform for the first time. I saw myself climb on stage from the dark abyss of the audience. I looked small, all alone on that big stage. My voice shook as I began. But soon, my poem rendered the stage smaller and smaller. I filled the darkness with words.

As I watched myself on my computer, I thought about how I felt that day, awe-struck in the audience by Simon’s work. I felt like I’d never be able to sound like him. And I was right. My poem didn’t sound like Simon’s, and none of my poems ever would. But in this moment, I realized that they were just as beautiful. My words sounded like me(( Beautiful conclusion that really drives home just how much this person has grown. They don’t need to sound like Simon. They need to sound like themself.)) .

Word Count: 552

Admissions Officer Notes on Poetry Slam

We would call this essay a “sacred practice” essay. It’s clear that slam poetry is deeply meaningful to the writer. They even call it “an obligation.” It’s a beautiful essay that also reflects the writer’s interest in poetry. They have some nice figurative language that adds interest to the story—it’s almost like the essay is in some ways a poem itself. And the story is a good one: it demonstrates the writer’s fears, strengths, and growth.

Deeply meaningful: We say it all the time because it’s true: college essays should be vulnerable and deeply meaningful. This essay oozes meaning. The writer even connects their love of slam poetry to who they are as a person.
Good organization and signposting: The narrative in this essay is a little complicated as the writer switches between the slam poetry event, reflection on past events, and reflection during current day. But because each paragraph is about a single topic, and because they use very clear topic sentences and transitions, it’s easy to follow the narrative thread.
Theme: The main theme in this essay is that the writer found their own voice through slam poetry. They had to experience growth to come to this realization. The very last sentence of the essay wonderfully ties back to the introduction and wraps up the entire essay.

College Essay Example #5: The Muscle Show

My parents are the scrapbooking type(( I’m intrigued by this hook! It makes me ask, “Where is this essay going?”)) . The crafty, crazy-cut scissors and construction paper, okay-everyone-make-a-silly-face-for-this-picture type.

Every summer, my entire family rents a small house in Wildwood, New Jersey for a week to catch up and enjoy the beach and good company. My favorite part is spending time with my cousin Steven, who is one year older than me. To us, there is nothing better than two pockets full of quarters, strolling down the boardwalk headed to an arcade, licking an ice cream cone, and laughing at all the novelty t-shirts for sale(( This sentence beautifully gives us a sense of place. It evokes a sense of nostalgia, too.)) .

We have a “down the shore” scrapbook proudly displayed on our coffee table that holds memories from each of our family vacations. The scrapbook(( Ah-ha. A quick answer to our scrapbooking question.)) is such a fixture in our house that it blends in with its surroundings and I fully forgot it existed until this past March. I happened to pick it up and look at pictures from the first year we went. I was four, Steven was five, and there we were, shirtless in the living room, proudly displaying our kid “muscles” in front of a handmade sign that said “WELCOME 2 THE MUSLE SHOW”.

I cried when I saw it.

No, not because we spelled muscle wrong. The four-year-old in that picture had such a small and fragile frame. I was the kind of child who almost looked like they had six-pack abs because they are so slim. There was so much naivety in that picture that no longer exists(( With this sentence, our writer begins to embark on their journey.)) .

I started gaining weight–a lot of weight–around the fifth grade. My parents are wonderful role models in the way they treat others, but they aren’t exactly paragons of healthy eating. Looking through the scrapbook, none of the adults in my family were particularly healthy. I distinctly remember my dad saying to me sometime in elementary school, “what do these people go to the gym for, anyway? What are you going to do with all those muscles?” I spent elementary and middle school on a steady diet of McDonald’s, Doritos, and video games.

I hit 200 pounds at age 14. One day in my least favorite class, PE, we had to do a push-up competition. Not only could I not do one, I was out of breath just getting up and down from the floor. Something had to change(( And here is our inciting incident in this narrative arc)) .

I turned to one thing I was good at to figure out a solution: reading. I read books like “Why We Get Fat” by Gary Taubes and started to learn the science behind calories, carbs, insulin, and soon, exercise. Even though neither of my parents had ever been inside a gym, I convinced them to buy me some training sessions and a membership that Christmas.

It’s remarkable what happens when you suddenly stop consuming fried chicken and soda, go for a daily 20-minute power walk, and exercise a few times a week. Progress in losing weight actually came sooner than I expected. By sophomore year, I was lifting weights four times a week after school and felt more comfortable in the gym than anywhere else.

I also noticed my attitude towards schoolwork was changing(( This is a good transition to widen the scope of the essay and talk about the broader implications of this journey on the writer’s life.)) . I felt like I had control in my life for the first time. I had spent countless hours trying to “level up” fake characters in video games (OK, I still do that…). But leveling up myself–my own body and mind–was life changing. So much in life is out of our control, but realizing that, at least to an extent, my own health is within my control brought a new sense of purpose, responsibility, and pride.

Today, I’m at a healthy weight, my grades have improved, and I have even taken several of my friends to the gym for their first time. I look forward to continuing my healthy trend in college and beyond.

I’ll see Steven again at this summer’s beach trip. We have decided to recreate the “musle show” picture–this time with better spelling and in better health(( This short conclusion wraps everything up and has a great callback to the beginning of the essay.)) .

Admissions Officer Notes on The Muscle Show

What I like about this essay is how it weaves together multiple parts of this writer’s life. We get their family background, their sense of self, and their values, interests, and goals. The writer takes us on a journey with them. We see their determination in finding solutions to the problems they’re facing, and we also clearly see their personality and voice.

Upward-trending growth structure : This writer nails this essay structure. We clearly see that they begin at a “point A” where things aren’t so great, and they steadily make their way to “point B.” By the end, we truly get a sense of how they’ve grown through the journey.
Connections: This essay isn’t just about the writer’s health journey. It’s also about their “sense of purpose, responsibility, and pride.” Their changes expanded to even more parts of their life, and we can see that they are a person who takes initiative and gets creative with solutions.
Conclusion: I especially love the way this conclusion brings everything full-circle. The “musle show” reference at the end ties the journey nicely together with a bow and ends with a sense of forward movement.

College Essay Example #6: The Stop Sign

While some high schoolers get in trouble for skipping class, I get in trouble for arguing with my local government officials on Twitter. But when lives are at stake, I can take the heat(( Very catchy, humorous, and personality-filled hook)) .

I live at the intersection of 33rd and Spruce. The intersection itself sits between a large bend and a bundle of white oak trees—a recipe for obstructed views. Drivers careen around the corner, Indy 500-style, and are abruptly met with oncoming traffic. Neither can see the other through the oaks. What is otherwise a beautiful intersection makes for awfully dangerous driving conditions.

Living by this intersection my whole life, I’ve heard countless crashes and collisions. The screeching tires and cacophony of crushing car parts is seared in my mind. As neighbors, we are often the first on the scene. Cell phone in hand, I’ve run out to help several motorists who didn’t know what was coming. After the most recent crash, where a car flipped into the ditch, I knew that something had to change(( The writer has set the scene with a vivid description, and these sentences draw our attention to what’s at stake. They need a stop sign, and it’s clear that the writer is on a mission to get one.)) . We needed a stop sign.

I began with a google search, which led me to my local Stop Sign Request Form. According to the form, a government official would reach out to me. If they deemed it appropriate, we’d work together to assess whether the intersection qualified for a stop sign.

Their response took months. While I waited, I began collecting evidence on my own(( The writer’s initiative shines through.)) . After noticing that the security camera on my house pointed toward the intersection, I decided to put the skills I’d been developing in AP Computer Science to work. I wrote a simple code that tabulated the number of cars that passed through the intersection each day(( Here we see the technical skills the writer is developing.)) . Briefly reviewing the footage each night also helped me determine how many cars were likely going over the posted speed limit of forty miles per hour. Alongside these statistics, I went back into our cloud history to find footage of the crashes that had occurred.

When I finally heard back from the city, I was ready to make my case. My confidence deflated as soon as I opened the email(( Oh no! There’s a roadblock. Things aren’t progressing as the writer hoped.)) : Thank you for filling out a Stop Sign Request Form , the email read. At this time, we do not have reason to believe that the intersection of 33rd Street and Spruce Street meets the criteria for a two-way stop sign. The city had disagreed with my recommendation and denied my request.

I took a moment to collect myself. How could the city not care about the safety of its citizens? Were human lives not worth looking into a simple stop sign? I took to Twitter, posting statistics from my research, photos of the obstructed view, and a security camera compilation of cars speeding by. I tagged my local representatives, and I asked for help(( But the writer doesn’t focus on the problem. They continue to focus on their action steps and solutions. That’s exactly how you talk about a personal challenge in a college essay.)) .

While not all of them were receptive to my post, one particularly helpful representative connected me with my city’s City Engineer. The representative instructed me to send the City Engineer all of the evidence I had collected along with another copy of my Stop Sign Request Form.

The engineer was impressed with the code I wrote and the tracking system I’d put together, and she agreed to meet me at my house to do an inspection of the intersection. I accompanied her on the inspection so I could watch what she did. After working so hard to advocate for my community, it felt good to have my opinions heard.

In the end, I got my stop sign(( The writer emphasizes that it wasn’t just about winning the stop sign debate. It was about the community impact. And what do admissions officers want to see? Yep, community impact.)) . Drivers still occasionally speed, but I was astounded by the outpouring of thanks I received after my neighborhood was alerted of the change. My foray into local government was an eventful but rewarding one. And even though I’ve secured my stop sign, I’ll still be doing stop sign research this summer— this time as an intern at the City Engineer’s office(( And the writer pops in this awesome opportunity they’ve earned as a result. As an AO, I would see that they are continuing to prepare for college as their high school career is coming to a close.)) .

Word Count: 641

Admissions Officer Notes on The Stop Sign

This essay combines a story of personal strengths with an impactful accomplishment. It’s not necessary to write about one of your accomplishments in your college essays, but if that’s the route you want to go down, then this approach is a good one. Notice how it focuses on concrete action steps, emphasizes the skills the writer learned and used, and highlights how their actions impacted their community. A stop sign may seem small in the grand scheme of things, but the writer shows just how important this effort was.

Community impact: The accomplishment this writer chose to write about is an impressive one. Admissions officers are always looking at how applicants interact with their communities , so this story showcases the writer’s willingness to help and engage with those around them.
Strengths: Above all, we see that the writer is solutions-oriented. They are a “founder” or “builder” archetype and aren’t afraid to tackle hard problems. The writer also explicitly shows how they solved the problem using impressive skills.
Narrative momentum : This essay is easy to read because we’re always wondering what’s going to happen next. The hook is very catchy, the ups and downs of the writer’s struggle to solve this problem are clear, and the conclusion points to the overall significance of the story and looks toward its future impact.

College Essay Example #7: Fran’s Flower Farm

Surrounded(( The hook is interesting and vivid.)) by carnations, dahlias, and marigolds, I laid down on the hard dirt, sweating from the midday sun. While my garden was a labor of love, it was still a labor. I’d spent months during the beginning of the pandemic researching how to set up beds correctly, choose seeds and fertilizers, and run a small business(( We get plopped right into the story without wasting any time.)) . A year later, this summer would be the second harvest of Fran’s Flower Farm.

As I prepared the yield for my small table at that week’s farmers market, I reflected on how far I had come(( This transitional phrase is a quick and convenient way to incorporate reflection.)) . Prior to the pandemic, I had never even dug in the dirt. I didn’t know anything about seed germination or nitrogen levels. I had my own Instagram, but I had never had to market anything or think about overhead costs. I was a total and complete newb.

But my life, like everyone’s, changed in spring of 2020. Lockdown rendered me depressed and hopeless until one day when my mom ordered me a bouquet of flowers along with our grocery delivery. The bouquet was a simple grocery store arrangement of sunflowers. A few petals were wilting at the ends, and the stems were smashed from the flour that had been in the same plastic bag. But they were perfect. Such a small and thoughtful gesture, that bouquet inspired me to get to work(( Nice—here we learn about the “inciting incident” that compelled the writer to get started on their flower farm.)) .

Lucky enough to have space for flower beds, I mapped out four different six-foot beds in my backyard. Garden tools stolen from my mom and borrowed from socially-distanced neighbors in hand, I added compost, arranged my seeds, watered, and mulched. I laid protective plastic over my beds, tucking them in like a child, and wrapped the garden in decade-old chickenwire I found in our barn. My garden was imperfect–compost trailed between beds, my hose wrapped around my shovel in a heap on the ground, and the chickenwire was dented and rusty. But it was all mine, and it was alive(( I like this paragraph because we really see the writer’s personality. They are determined, innovative, and grateful.)) .

As the pandemic waged on, I tended to my flowers. Each morning, I’d peek under the plastic to see how they had fared throughout the night. They gave me routine and purpose when the days seemed droning and neverending. The longer I kept them alive, the more their sprouts brought me life, too(( This is a very nice and poetic point.)) . In a world that seemed to come to a halt, my flowers showed me that growth wasn’t just possible–it was happening right in front of me.

The business side came soon after(( The transition here could be a touch smoother.)) . Later that summer, once my first crop had bloomed, I set up a roadside stand outside of my house. At that point, I had to put my flower buckets across the driveway from my stand to keep everyone safe. But my flowers brightened the days of hundreds of passing motorists. With growing confidence, I secured a spot at the farmer’s market by July, my business boomed(( I’d like to see some specific details here about how well the business was doing.)) . Returning all profits to my garden, I’ve expanded my operations to include two more flower beds this year.

I’m proud of how far my gardening and business skills have come, but what has been most fulfilling about Fran’s Flower Farm have been the connections I’ve made. The pandemic was difficult for everyone, but it was especially difficult for healthcare workers. As the child of a healthcare worker myself, these challenges have been close to home. Knowing how greatly that bouquet of sunflowers affected me, I make sure to donate flowers(( And this sweet gesture shows another one of the writer’s strengths.)) to my local hospital in thanks every week.

Three years ago, I would never have guessed that I’d own my own flower farm. It’s brought me so many joys, challenges, and friends. I know I won’t be able to bring my flower farm with me to college. But the heart of the farm is more than the flowers(( Here, the writer wraps up the main theme of the essay and makes sure the reader really understands the point.)) . It’s about me learning and using my skills to help others. Wherever I’m planted, I know that I will bloom(( This phrasing is cliche. The writer could re-write the idea in their own words.)) .

Word Count: 643

AO Notes on Fran’s Flower Farm Grade: A

I don’t know about you, but I’d love to buy a bouquet of flowers from this student! While the ending is a bit cliche, we really see how far this student has come in their journey as a farmer and a business person. We also see the magnitude of their impact. They not only grew a successful small business, but they also gave back to the healthcare workers in their community. The student is definitely one I could see thriving in a campus community.

Topic and accomplishments : Like The Stop Sign, this essay conveys an impressive accomplishment. But the essay isn’t bragging about it or overstating its significance. It works well because the writer tells a genuine story about a passion they developed.
Variety: The writer also manages to show us two distinct strengths in one essay. We see their strength as a DIY farmer and as a business person. They are clearly a founder archetype.
Organization and style: The essay opens with a beautiful description, and we get a lot of good language throughout. The writer is able to go through a fairly complicated timeline in a concise and digestible way.

Good College Essay Examples

Not every student can write an exceptional college essay. And that’s okay. Sometimes it’s not one of your priorities or in your particular skill set.

Thankfully, college essays don’t have to be exceptional to earn admission. They can simply be good. You can still write a solid college essay that does everything you need it to do.

So what’s the difference between the best college essays and good college essays? Usually it’s writing style. Some writers have a gift for writing or have spent years practicing their craft, and those are usually the writers who produce essays that make admissions officers gasp.

But admissions officers recognize good, solid writing and storytelling, too.

So writing a good college essay should always be your main goal. Focus on the basics first before trying to level up to an exceptional essay.

College Essay Example #8: My Emotional Support Water Bottle

I had a stuffed animal named Elephant when I was a child(( This hook makes a statement that compels me to read on so I can figure out what they’re referring to.)) . I’ve long since outgrown Elephant, but now I have a new object that I keep around for comfort: my emotional support water bottle. A gray thirty-two-ounce wide-mouth Hydroflask, my emotional support water bottle accompanies me everywhere.

The water bottle was a gift last Christmas after I begged my mom for one. The brand had become extremely popular at my school, and I wanted in on the trend. When I opened the package that Christmas morning, I was elated. I felt an immediate attachment, and I was proud that I could finally fit in with the other kids at my school(( Here we learn about the connection between the waterbottle and the writer’s values)) .

I had always felt like an outsider(( In this paragraph, the writer zooms the focus out to their life in general. We need this reflection to understand why the topic matters so much to the writer.)) . Other students seemed to fit together like puzzle pieces. But as much as I tried, I couldn’t find a picture that matched my piece. I envied the tight-knit friendships I saw among my peers.

As soon as I unwrapped my water bottle, I decided that I needed stickers to match. The kids at my school always had stickers on theirs. I found the perfect pack. It had animated depictions of every famous literary character imaginable. Jane Austen characters, Jay Gatsby, Sherlock Holmes, Guy Montag, Jane Eyre, and more. I couldn’t believe my luck.

No matter how disconnected I felt from my classmates, I could always find a community on my bookshelf(( The writer introduces another topic, literature, that tells us more about who they are.)) . I sat in the courtroom with Atticus Finch, walked through the streets of Saint Petersburg with Raskolnikov, and watched the revolution unfold alongside Satrapi. My literary friends kept me optimistic through difficult times, and I was glad to see them every day on my beloved Hydroflask.

After winter break ended, I couldn’t wait to debut my new accessory. I placed it atop my desk in each class, angling my favorite stickers outward in hopes of connection. I was profoundly comforted by its presence—I could always take a sip of water when I felt thirsty or uncomfortable, and its stickers promised to draw people in.

To my dismay(( This paragraph serves an important plot function. We see that everything, in fact, did not work out perfectly. By highlighting this challenge, we really get a sense of the writer’s problem-solving and resilience.)) , weeks went by, and no one noticed my Hydroflask or stickers. The school was filled with dozens more Hydroflasks after the holidays, so mine didn’t seem so special. What had once filled me with so much hope and support transformed into a reminder of an unfulfilled promise of friendship.

I coped with the disappointment by re-reading one of my childhood favorites, Le Petit Prince . Near the end, when the little prince returns to water his flower, I had a realization. I couldn’t wait around for people to come to me(( Ding, ding, ding! Here we have it. The main lesson the writer has learned. What’s great, too, is that they’ve stated it so clearly.)) . I had to bring the water to them.

The next day at school, I held my Hydroflask close and gathered all my courage. I headed into the lunch room and spotted Jordan, one of the people I’d chatted with in class. She was sitting alone at a table, reading a book I couldn’t identify. I asked if I could join her. Nodding, she told me about her book, White Teeth . When I placed my Hydroflask on the lunch table, she noticed my stickers(( This sentence is crucial because it ties all these threads together: the waterbottle, stickers, literature, and friendship/fitting in.)) . Together, we went through every sticker and talked about the character’s book.

Jordan and I spent the next day’s lunch exchanging laughter and book recommendations. She had a water bottle of her own, too. It was a classic Nalgene without a single sticker. As our friendship grew stronger, I brought Jordan the last sticker from my collection(( With this small gesture, we see a) the writer’s kindness and b) the writer’s personal growth.)) , a rainbow bookmark that read, “BOOKWORM.”

I’ve always looked to the world around me for comfort instead of finding courage within myself. Elephant still sits on my shelf, I continue to be an avid reader, and I always carry my Hydroflask around for hydration. But this learning process has taught me the importance of having confidence and finding the ability to reach out to others. I can’t wait to carry this skill with me to college— after I get some more stickers(( The conclusion ties all these threads together beautifully, and this final statement adds some spunk and forward movement.)) .

Word Count: 648

Admissions Officer Notes on My Emotional Support Waterbottle

Ah, the emotional support water bottle. We’ve all had one! This writer does a wonderful job connecting an otherwise simple object to a larger story about an important part of their life. We also learn a lot about the student, their background, their goals, and their interests from this essay. I especially like how the essay shows the writer’s academic passion (literature) without being an explicitly academic-focused essay.

What makes this essay good:

Storytelling: With their love of reading, it’s no wonder this writer is a good storyteller. As readers, we get a very clear sense of how the events progressed and changed the reader’s perspective.
Compelling hook: This essay’s introduction is attention-grabbing and quirky. It compels readers to continue on in the essay to find out what, exactly the writer is talking about.
Clean conclusion: The conclusion is a fantastic example of what college essay conclusions should do. It reflects back on the essay, ties up loose ends, and looks forward to how these lessons will apply to the writer’s future.

What the writer could do to level up:

Core Strengths: While we learn a lot about the writer from the essay, there could be a stronger sense of core strengths. We see that they are a strong reader, but that strength doesn’t necessarily connect to their overall message. We also see that they are eager to connect and become a good friend with Jordan, but they don’t all connect seamlessly into a specific archetype or two. A good question to ask yourself is: how would the strengths I show in this essay convince an admissions officer that I will be a good addition to their campus?

College Essay Example #9: Party of One

The sun shone through my airplane window, hitting the tray table exactly right to reveal the greasy handprint of a child. Beside me, a woman cleared her throat as she rifled through her purse, and the tween next to her tapped away on an iPad. The knees of the tall man behind me pushed against the back of my chair. Together, we headed to Pennsylvania(( We open with clear scene-setting, and the final sentence jumps right to the point: we’re on a journey to PA.)) .

This wasn’t my first trip to Pennsylvania, and it wouldn’t be my last. But it was my first trip traveling as a party of one. Barely past the unaccompanied minor cutoff, I departed for a month-long and court-ordered trip to my dad’s house. I wasn’t eager to travel alone. I felt afraid, too young to do this by myself. I wanted to go back home. But I decided to embrace the journey as an adventure(( This explicit reflection helps us, the reader, understand what mindset the writer is at at the beginning of this journey.)) .

With the growing whirr of the engines, the plane ascended. All around me, my neighbors breathed sighs of relief when we reached cruising altitude. I tightened my seatbelt across my lap, steadying myself for the five-hour trip, and took in the scene. Always the quiet and careful observer(( And here we really learn about who the writer is)) , a full flight was my Sistine Chapel.

The woman to my right was wearing all black. She extracted her laptop from her bag the moment the flight attendants permitted, and she created a PowerPoint presentation from scratch before the drinks cart had even started down the aisle. She was all business. I imagined that she signed her emails with nothing but her name, that she read Keynes in her free time, and that people listened when she spoke. She was everything I longed to be(( While the majority of this paragraph is about the writer’s seat mate, this final sentence brings the focus back to the writer. We learn that the description, in fact, was about the writer themself—everything they “longed to be.”)) .

Next was the tween, only a few years younger than I was. Clearly afraid of flying, the tween reached across the aisle to a man who was presumably her father. I found it endearing that she reached out in fear. The dad’s reassurance didn’t just comfort the tween. It comforted me. So far from home, his quiet calm reminded me of the parent waiting to pick me up at the other end of this journey. I remembered reaching out for my own father’s hand when we flew to Pennsylvania for the first time(( Here we have more great reflection about the writer’s relationship with their dad. )) . Now, I watched the dad squeeze the tween’s hand. I felt guilty for the frustration I felt about the trip. I was excited to see my dad.

And finally, there was the man behind me. Aside from the brief glimpse I got during boarding, I didn’t know what he looked like. But there were two things I knew to be true. First, he was tall. The longer the flight went on, the more apologetically his knees bumped against my seat. Second, I felt emboldened by his ability to take up space. With each nudge forward, I spread myself a little bigger(( The writer’s encounter with this man nudged their growth forward. At the beginning, they felt small and timid. Now, they’re more able to take up space.)) , daring to exist in a world I normally wanted to hide from.

Four hours into the flight, turbulence hit. The long-legged man yelped as his knee hit the metal of the seat. Bigger now(( And that growth is solidified even more through this brief transition statement.)) , I was able to brace myself against the impact. I looked to the tween, who I expected to be a wreck. Instead, I saw a calm girl handing napkins to her dad, whose drink had spilled in the commotion. Her care for him mirrored the care he had shown for her. The woman next to me, who had seemed so steadfast, gasped when the plane shot downward. Her hand reached for her chest as she caught herself, surprised. I moved my arm from our shared armrest, giving her space(( This last part gives a very subtle look at the writer’s growth, too. We see that the person the writer admired isn’t as strong as she had seemed. In fact, the writer’s growth has enabled them to help the woman in her moment of weakness.)) . She smiled in appreciation.

After the turbulence had ended, I looked at myself. My hands were folded neatly in my lap. I realized that although I was flying solo, I was surrounded by strangers whose stories intersected with my own(( This point could be more specific.)) . When we landed, I ran into my dad’s arms. “ You’ve grown ,” he smiled.

Admissions Officer Notes on Party of One

This essay is an endearing story about the writer’s first solo plane ride. The narrative is what we would characterize as a “going on a journey” essay—both literally and figuratively. As the writer makes this cross-country trip, they also go through a long personal journey. I especially like the tie between the introduction and conclusion. Along the way, we also learn about the writer through their observations of the other people on the flight.

Introduction: The first two paragraphs draw the reader in, descriptively set the scene, and establish what is at stake for the writer. We are dropped right into the journey alongside them.
Vivid language: Throughout the essay, the writer uses interesting and vivid language that helps draw the reader in. The details aren’t overwhelming but add depth to the narrative.
Reflection throughout: One of the most challenging parts of writing this kind of essay is figuring out how to incorporate your reflection throughout. Many writers mistakenly save it all to the end. But this writer does it the right way by adding reflection at each stop along their journey.

Focus on the self: As-is, this essay tells us a lot about the writer. But it’s nearing on committing one of the biggest college essay writing faux pas: focusing on people other than yourself. I think the writer is getting close to that line but doesn’t yet cross it because of the reflection throughout. But to make the essay even better, the writer could still draw more focus to their own experiences.

College Essay Example #10: My Greatest Talent

I’m a klutz(( Quirky but not too out-there hook that has a lot of personality)) —that’s it, that’s my greatest talent. I’ve honed my clumsiness to perfection, putting in more than my 10,000 hours over the last… 17 years of my life.

When I was six or seven, I was always the one tripping over my own feet, knocking things over. (“This is why we can’t have nice things!” my mom used to scream, half in jest and half in exasperation.) My parents used to joke that I was the only person who could trip on a flat surface. But unfortunately for me, despite doing my due diligence into flat-earth theory(( Here’s more humor that adds some interest and voice to the essay.)) , I found that there was a prevailingly devilish curve to everything around me. If it had a lip, an edge, or a slick spot, I found it.

As I got older(( Excellent signposting to guide the reader through the narrative)) , my talent for being a klutz grew. I managed to trip over my own backpack on a daily basis, and I once fell down a flight of stairs while holding a tray of cookies (I was trying to be a good hostess, but it didn't end well). My friends and family came to expect it, and after those first few years of irritated glances, they began to meet my clumsiness with a laugh and an extended hand.

Being a klutz isn't all bad(( Here, the writer flips our expectations on their head. We’re about to learn about how being clumsy is, in fact, a talent.)) . In fact, it has some pretty decent perks. For one thing, it’s helped me become more empathetic. I know what it feels like to stumble and fall (and stumble and fall, and stumble and fall, and…), and I’m always ready to offer a kind word and a hug to someone who’s having a tough time. I also have a great sense of humor(( We’ve already seen this strength in action at the beginning of the essay, so it’s another good one to highlight.)) —a defense mechanism thanks to all of the embarrassing moments that I’ve created for myself. And let's not forget the fact that I am never bored. There is always something to trip over or knock over. Neither I nor anyone around me ever lacks for entertainment.

One of the biggest benefits of being a klutz is the unexpected friendships(( Friendship is another good strength. But at this point, the essay is starting to feel somewhat list-like. It may have been better to delve more deeply into fewer strengths rather than try to cover so much at once.)) it has given me. For example(( This is a good concrete anecdote that demonstrates the point, though.)) , I once tripped and fell into a ditch while hiking with a group of near-strangers I had met at a trailhead. Surrounded by brambles and thorns, three of them jumped right down with me to hoist me out. My graceless tumble became an inside joke of the trip and we all ended up becoming good friends. I was still embarrassed, of course, but I’m grateful that my clumsiness opened up a new door for friendship that day.

Being a klutz has also taught me to be patient with myself(( Again, we have another good strength, but it’s a lot to cover in one short essay.)) , and to not take myself too seriously. It has taught me to always be prepared for the unexpected, and to always have a good sense of humor. And most importantly, it has taught me to be kind to others(( And yet another strength! Especially since these are related, combining them in a more substantial way may have been more effective.)) , especially when they are having a tough time.

So, if you are looking for someone who’s a little bit quirky and a lot of fun, I’m your girl. I may not be the most graceful person on the planet, or on your campus, but I am confident, kind, and always up for a good laugh. Anyway, where's the fun in being graceful? Just, please, if you do accept me—I’d really appreciate some foam bumpers on the sharp surfaces in my dorm(( More wonderful personality to wrap things up hete. It's approaching being too informal, though.)) .

Word Count: 548

Admissions Officer Notes on My Greatest Talent

This essay is kind of a goofy one. I’ve included it as an example because I want to show you that it’s okay for your college essay to have some personality! Your college essay doesn’t have to be a big, serious rumination on some deep topic. Especially if you’re a goofy person yourself, it’s completely okay for you to choose a more light-hearted topic that showcases your personality. If you do, just be sure to follow this writer’s lead and still write an essay that showcases your strengths.

Topic choice and personal voice: When we read this essay, we get a crystal clear picture of who the student is because the topic allows them to really write in their own voice. I feel like I know the student after reading it.
Strengths: All college essays should communicate a core strength to the reader. This essay does an exceptional job at transforming something most people would consider a weakness—being clumsy—into clear strengths—empathy, humor, friendship, patience. Overall, we see that the writer
Writing style: The biggest tweak this writer could make would be leveling up the writing style. As it is now, it reads like a five-paragraph essay: first I did this, then this, and then this third thing. Changing up the organization and topic sentences could help the writing come across as more mature.

College Essay Example #11: Counting Cards

I am a psychic who thinks in terms of fours and threes(( This hook raises a lot of questions: What is the writer referring to? It does read, however, as a bit disingenuous and overly quirky.)) . Deal me any hand of Gin, and I can guarantee I’ll have you beat. I stare at the cards in my hand and see numbers moving in my mind. Like a mathemetician at a chalkboard, I plan out my next move. I use logic, memory, and a little bit of luck to guess exactly what your hand looks like. The possible combinations seem endless—four Kings and a run of three, three nines and four Queens, a run of four and three sevens, and many, many more. What I love most about playing Gin is the predictability. While I may not know what’s coming, I can use what I already know to strategize, adapt, and have fun along the way(( Here we have a clear gesture toward the essay’s overall theme.)) .

My Gin career began as a small child. My aunt taught me how to play the game while we were camping. My hands were so small that we had to use a chip clip to keep the cards in place(( These first three sentences are very choppy because they all have the same length and structure.)) . I was at first intimated by the “big kid game,” as I called it then, but soon I couldn’t get enough. I forced my entire family to play, and I even roped in the kids at the campsite next to us. My aunt, a mathematician, is a skilled Gin player. She passed her tips and tricks along to me. After a few years of playing, she was the only opponent I couldn’t beat.

Last summer was the first time it finally happened. I bested her. I had a hand with three Aces and a run of Spades. I needed another Ace or a three or seven of Spades. When I drew that final Ace from the deck, I could hardly believe it. I paused to count my cards again(( This description paints a wonderful picture of the writer, their aunt, and the relationship between them.)) . I drew my hands to my chest, looked up at my aunt slowly and triumphantly, and calmly declared, “Gin.” My aunt squealed and embraced me, proud of all the progress her protegee had made.

This win came from a year of hard work(( This is an effective transition that allows the writer to talk about all the work they put in.)) . I read every book on Gin I could find at the library, watched countless YouTube videos, and became an expert on Gin’s more lively counterpart, Gin Rummy. Learning and practicing drew me into a huge online community of Gin enthusiasts. I never thought that I’d meet some of my best friends through a card game, but I did. Every night, we’d compete against each other. And with each match, my skills would sharpen like a knife on a honing steel. When I finally beat my aunt, I hadn’t just won the game. I’d won lifelong friends and greater reasoning skills(( And here is a bit of reflection sprinkled in at the end. There definitely could be more reflection throughout.)) .

Gin players aren’t internationally recognized for their intellectual prowess like chess or Scrabble. I’ve learned other games and played them successfully, but nothing has come close to the joy and challenge I feel while playing Gin. I love predicting what your opponent holds and what you’ll draw next, betting on your perfect card being in the draw deck, chatting with your opponent as you deal the next round, and earning bragging rights after winning a match—all of it is the perfect mix of strategy and community. When I head off to college in the fall, the first thing I’ll pack will be a deck of cards(( This is a sweet ending that looks forward to the future. The conclusion could have touched more specifically on why all of this is so meaningful to the writer.)) .

Word Count: 549

Admissions Officer Notes on Counting Cards

This essay chronicles a writer’s journey learning how to play the card game Gin. I really like how much the writer and their personality shine through. Like the My Greatest Talent essay, Counting Cards is a great example of how to write a fun, light-hearted essay that still speaks to your strengths.

Topic: Admissions officers see lots of essays about chess and sports. But it’s pretty rare to see one about Gin. The topic (and enthusiasm with which the student writes about the topic) give this essay a good personal voice.
Connections: The writer also makes stellar connections between a simple game and the people who are most meaningful to them: their family and friends.
Strengths: Even with a topic as simple as a card game, the writer manages to highlight their strengths of work ethic and camaraderie.
Higher stakes: We see that the game of Gin is really important to the writer. We also see how the game is connected to their relationship with their aunt and to the new community they found online. But I’m left wanting a little bit more reflection and vulnerability about why Gin is so meaningful to this writer.

College Essay Example #12: Golden Hills Animal Clinic

On my best days at work, I’m surrounded by puppies, kittens, and rainbows(( This hook is interesting, but it's quite cliche.)) . On my worst, I watch people say tearful goodbyes to their best friends. Working at the front desk of Golden Hills Animal Clinic, I’ve seen it all. I’ve learned a lot about people through their pets. I’ve also learned a lot about myself(( Here, we get straight to the point of what this essay is going to be about.)) .

I began working in the clinic two summers ago. I’m known in my family as the “ Snow White(( What a sweet detail about this writer’s background)) ” because I’ve always had a special connection with animals. I had nearly started a new colony of stray cats in my backyard by the time I was nine. I’ve nursed more sick and injured birds than I can count. I’ve discovered all kinds of insects, snakes, and lizards in my neighborhood. Now, at the front desk, I get to welcome the animals and their humans. I share in their joys and console them at their lows.

After(( This topic sentence does a good job structuring the paragraph, but it could be clearer how this paragraph connects to the overall idea of the essay.)) watching thousands of animals struggle, you think you’d get used to the pain and suffering. But each hurt, injured, or elderly animal I check in stings just the same. When I’m in the back room helping prepare the animals for surgeries or procedures, I look into their eyes and desperately try to communicate that everything will be okay. The worst part is knowing that the animals can tell something is wrong but don’t understand what is happening. And when their owners walk past my front desk, I reassure them that we’re treating their pets as our own.

But with life’s hard moments also come the happiest ones. It’s easy to become dejected by the sad times, but working at the clinic has actually given me more hope(( Ah-ha! We learn that even though the writer witnesses a lot of sadness at the clinic, the experience has actually given them more hope.)) . There’s nothing like seeing small puppies, feet too big for their bodies, prance through the waiting room. I’ve witnessed children comfort cats through holes in carriers, and I’ve become inspired by the assertiveness with which our veterinarians make critical decisions to help animals. Through all this, I’ve learned that those little pockets of happiness, care, and determination are what make life worth living(( This sentence helps ground the reader in the writer’s theme.)) .

I’ve also learned that veterinary medicine is as much about the people as it is the pets. Sometimes owners have to be convinced about the best care plan for their pets. Sometimes others aren’t able to afford the care they desperately want to get. People come in worried about nothing or not worried enough. Part of managing the front desk is having the ability to read where a person is coming from the moment they start speaking. Seeing things from customers’ perspectives helps me provide better customer service to the people and the pets. If I sense that a customer is worried about cost, I can talk to them about payment plans. If someone seems overwhelmed by the options, I ask if they’d like to speak with the vet again. In all these cases, I feel proud to provide as much help as I can. Doing so makes sure that our animals receive the best care possible(( We get a good sense of the writer’s strengths in this paragraph, but by the end, it still doesn’t really connect back to the theme.)) .

Now, as an aspiring veterinarian myself(( And with this small note, we learn all that’s at stake: the writer wants to be a vet in the future, so all of these experiences are important preparation .)) , I know that the rest of my career will be filled with the happiest and saddest moments of people’s lives. My care for animals will turn tragedies into miracles. I’ll console owners of sick pets, and I’ll help bring new life into the world. Veterinary medicine is a lot like life in general. You can’t have the good without the bad. But I’ve never met a pet owner who wouldn’t trade the pain of animal loss for even one fleeting, happy moment with their furry friend. Animals make the world a better place. Like Snow White(( Clever call back to tie the essay together)) , I’ll continue listening to animals so I can make their world a little better too.

Word Count: 615

Admissions Officer Notes on Golden Hills Animal Clinic

This essay tells a good story about this writer’s time working at an animal clinic. What I like about this essay is that the writer doesn’t sugar coat things, but they also don’t dwell on the sadness that passes through the clinic. They are real about their experiences, and they draw valuable lessons from them. They also show the importance of this story by connecting it to their future goals.

Strengths: We clearly see the strengths this writer brings to the clinic. They are understanding, patient, and positive. We also clearly see how these strengths will help the writer be a good veterinarian in the future.
Topic sentences and transitions: Although the paragraphs get unwieldy at times, the writer’s clear topic sentences and transitions help us seamlessly progress through the narrative.
Being more direct and concise: At times, it feels like the writer rambles instead of making clear, direct points. Rambling can distract the reader from the main point you’re trying to make, so it’s best to stay on track in each paragraph.
Fewer cliches: Relying on cliches shows immaturity in your writing. Cliches like “puppies, kittens, and rainbows” and “with the bad comes the good” get in the way of the writer’s own voice.

College Essay Example #13: The Filmmaker

Eye to the lens, I feel in complete control. The old camera weighs heavy in my hands as I quietly point my leading actor to the other side of the frame. Taking a moment to look at the world through my own eyes rather than a lens, I make a decision. I back up, careful not to trip, and capture the wide, panning shot I had envisioned. Filmmaking allows me to show others exactly how I see the world. With an odd angle or lingering aside, I can take my audience on a journey through my eyes(( This introduction raises a lot of questions that propel us forward through the essay: what is the writer doing? What is it that they want to show the world? Why does this all matter?)) .

What’s beautiful about filmmaking is that there are several art forms occurring simultaneously(( We begin with a paragraph that dives deep into the writer’s interest.)) . At the foundation of a scene is the script. Words that draw a viewer in and keep them there, the script is an essential act of creative writing. Next there’s the acting. An art of performance, acting brings the script to life. A good actor will make an audience feel as if they are with the characters, feeling what they feel and doing what they do. Then there’s the direction and filmmaking. Choices about how to translate a three-dimensional world to pixels on a screen drastically affect the audience’s experience. And, finally, there’s the editing. Editing is where all of the other art forms converge, selected and chopped up and stitched back together to create something even better than the original.

I’ve never been one for writing or acting. But the latter two, filmmaking and editing, are where my passions lie(( And here we learn about the writer’s main passion, inspirations, and journey as a filmmaker.)) . Inspired by my favorite movie, ET , I began filmmaking in elementary school. Borrowing my mom’s Flip UltraHD camera, I’d run around my home, filming everything in sight. Soon after, I started gathering my neighborhood friends in my backyard and directing them in made-up film productions. Our films took us on journeys around the world. We were pirates in the Atlantic, merchants in Paris, and kangaroos in Australia. We learned how to tell stories and create and resolve conflicts. In the process, we learned about ourselves, each other, and the world around us.

My love for editing didn’t come until later(( This is an okay topic sentence that helps us understand where we’re at in the narrative, but the paragraph as a whole could more clearly relate to the writer’s overall theme.)) . When my family upgraded our ancient Gateway 2000 to a sleek iMac, I became an iMovie aficionado. I learned how to use all the features and enter in keyboard shortcuts. I became a sculptor. Instead of clay, my material was digital. I’d split clips in half, manually zoom in to my subject, and add filters that changed the whole tone of a shot. Shift + Command + F, and I’d play my clips in full screen, evaluating them with the eye of a film critic. Was my shot effective? Are the actors convincing? Is there anything odd in the background? If I had never seen this, what would I think and feel? Then I’d repeat the process, over and over again.

Some people might say that dedicating myself to filmmaking is frivolous in a world with more pressing problems. But filmmaking is a way to spread messages and give people hope. From the change wrought by An Inconvenient Truth to the laughter Mr. Bean has incited in millions, filmmaking is a way to bring art, truth, and laughter to everyone. More accessible than books or newspapers, film and TV couldn’t be more essential media to confront the problems of today. With the passion of my ten-year-old self, the films I’ll continue to make will have an impact(( We conclude by learning about the writer’s interest in using filmmaking to impact the world. The writer could dig a little deeper here—it stays mainly on the surface.)) .

Word Count: 563

Admissions Officer Notes on The Filmmaker

In this essay, we get a great sense of how excited the writer is about filmmaking. They take us on their journey learning about filmmaking, and they explain how their interest will serve them in the future. I especially enjoy how this essay oozes passion. By the end of the essay, we have no doubt about what this writer sees as their life’s calling.

Organization: The introduction , background, explanation, and discussion of personal growth all cohere perfectly. The writer walks us through each step of their journey in a clear and logical way.
Voice: Through all the rich descriptions of the writer’s childhood, we really see their personality and voice.
Significance and meaning : While it’s clear that this topic is one the writer is passionate about, the essay could evoke more meaning. It’s not apparent what’s truly at stake. The writer should ask and answer the question: “So what?” In answering that question, they’ll be able to be more vulnerable throughout the essay.

“Bad” College Essay Examples

“Bad” is in quotation marks here because writing is always relative.

In the case of these examples, we have categorized them as “bad” because they don’t adequately meet the expectations of a college essay. That doesn’t mean that they’re objectively bad or that their writers are bad writers. It means that the essays need some more attention.

“Bad” essays can always become good essays. Sometimes they can even become the best essays. What matters most is identifying what’s not working and putting in a lot of effort to address the problems.

Across the thousands of college essays we read as admissions officers, there are several issues that arise again and again. Learning from these issues can help you avoid them.

We have a whole post about those biggest college essay mistakes. But the following examples commit three different writing faux pas:

Too much metaphor and not enough substance
No main point or clear organization
About a topic that is important to the writer but not actually that high-stakes

With these mistakes in mind, let’s do some analysis.

College Essay Example #14: Lost in the Forest

I look into the forest, moss wet on my feet(( This is an intriguing hook.)) . There’s fog everywhere—I can barely see the glasses that sit on my nose. I feel a cool breeze rustle against my coat. I am cold and warm all at once. The sun shines through the fog, casting the shadow of a tree whose roots know no end. At the entrance to the forest, I stand frozen in time and space. I can’t see what’s ahead of me or behind me, only what is(( After this sentence, the metaphor becomes unclear.)) . And what is suddenly transforms into what could be. I see a fork in the pathway in front of me. The noise—the noise is so loud. Crickets and owls and tigers, oh my(( Avoid cliche phrases.)) . My thoughts scream even louder. I can’t hear myself think through the sounds of the forest of my mind. Off in the distance, I see a figure. It’s a shadow figure. It’s my mother. She’s walking towards me. I take a step into the forest, fearlessly ready to confront any overwhelming obstacle that comes my way(( This is a nice sentence that encapsulates the main theme of the essay.)) .

When I was a child, I used to play in the forest behind my house. Until one day when I caught my mom sneaking a cigarette outside. She tried to hide it behind her back, but I could see the smoke trailing over her head like a snail. I didn’t know what to do, so I ran farther into the forest. I am used to being disappointed by her. I ran and ran and ran until I tripped over a tree branch that fell in the storm the week before. I laid on the cold, hard ground. The back of me was soaked. Would I turn into my mom? After that, I decided to turn back. The cold was encroaching. I got home and saw my mom in the kitchen. We agreed not to speak of what I saw(( This paragraph could use some more details about what’s at stake: why does all of this matter? As readers, we need more information about the writer’s relationship with their mom to understand why this confrontation was so significant.)) .

While taking a history test, I looked around at my classmates. The gray desk was cold against my skin. I started counting the people around me, noting those who I knew well and those I had never really talked to. I looked at all the expensive backpacks and shoes. After our test, I asked the person next to me how she thought she did. She said it was a difficult test, and I agreed. Every class period, we’d talk more and more. We became friends. We started hanging out with another friend from biology class. We were inseparable, like three peas in a pod. We’d study together and hang out together and dance. They were the best friends I ever had. We liked to play soccer after school and sing loudly to music in my room. But one day it all stopped. They both stopped talking to me((It's not clear how this anecdote relates to the anecdote about the writer’s mother. The significance of the forest metaphor could also be drawn out more.)) . It was like I had been yanked out of the forest and thrown on to the forest floor. I became moss, the owls pecking at my spikey green tendrils. They found two other friends, and I sat alone at my desk in history again. It was like another test, but this time a history of my own.

Things went on like this for years. Over and over again I got put back into the forest. My friends who I thought were my friends actually were just drama machines. Life is foggy when you don’t know what’s going on. And I live in a forest that’s always foggy. Try as I might to find myself, it’s easy to get lost in all the trails and hills. I’m climbing a mountain each and every day. But I keep going back into the forest, looking for answers(( The return to the metaphor almost works here. But because the metaphor has gotten in the way of the main point, we need more explicit reflection to tie everything together.)) .

Word Count: 603

Admissions Officer Notes on Lost in the Forest

So. Writers know that college essays should be meaningful reflections and exercises in creative writing. But sometimes writers take this advice to the extreme and write essays that are too metaphorical and too focused on internal reflection.

This essay is the perfect example of what happens when a writer goes over the top with metaphor. The forest metaphor could be a useful tool given the writer’s topic, but as it is now, everything else gets lost within the metaphor. It’s difficult to extract what the writer actually says about their life.

The writer’s reflection is also deep and removed from specific examples. After reading the essay, I still don’t feel like I know the writer. The topic also changes halfway through the essay, so following the thread throughout is challenging.

What this essay does well:

Topic: Even though the writer’s topic switches in the middle of the essay, it’s clear that the topics are both meaningful to the writer. The first topic especially may still be grounds for a great college essay.
Vulnerability: The writer’s vulnerability shines through. They are willing to share an important part of themselves.

What the writer could improve upon:

Pick a main topic and stick with it: Part of what makes this essay challenging to follow is that it’s doing too many things at once. Narrowing the topic would help the writer focus all their thoughts on communicating one overall idea.
Use the metaphor sparingly: Remember that metaphors are best when used sparingly. Pulling off an overarching metaphor is very difficult, so it’s generally easier for writers to sprinkle in small references to the metaphor throughout. A great way to accomplish this is the “bookend technique,” where you introduce a metaphor in the introduction and return to it in the conclusion.
Tighten up each paragraph : All of the paragraphs in this essay have a lot of information that doesn’t necessarily flow logically from one sentence to the next. My final recommendation would be to edit the paragraphs themselves for clarity. The writer should think about what information is essential and cut the rest.

College Essay Example #15: The Chemist

You(( There are always different opinions about addressing your reader. Sometimes it can work okay, but this instance doesn't work quite as well.)). may be wondering why I’ve taken so many chemistry classes. Well, that’s because I love chemistry. I used to hate chemistry with a fiery passion but now I love it more than anything. I remember that I used to struggle through every single chemistry assignment I ever got. My sister would try to help me but I’d just get upset, like I really just didn’t understand it and that was so frustrating so I just kept not wanting to do more but eventually I started to think “oh chemistry is at the foundation of everything that makes up our universe,” and isn’t that just fascinating?(( Whew—that was a long sentence! This is a run-on sentence, but we do learn about the writer’s primary motivation for studying chemistry.)) So then I decided to make a change and actually try to learn chemistry. I started paying attention in class and asking my teacher for help after class and finally one day my sister said, “Wow, you’re really improving.” And that meant so much to me. When my great-grandparents immigrated to the United States(( This reference is nice, but it's an abrupt topic change. It’s not clear why the writer is bringing up their great-grandparents.)) , they had no idea what would be in store for their great-grandkids. We really don’t learn chemistry in school until high school, so it’s no wonder I didn’t understand it in high school when I started taking it. Electrons and atoms and acids and alcohols. There’s so much to learn. I really have never been good at math so I’d say that’s one of my biggest challenges in chemistry now is learning how to do the equations and figuring out how the math works. In fifth grade I used to be in advanced math but then it just got worse from there until I learned about tutoring. I started doing tutoring through the high school when I was in ninth grade and it helped a lot because I just needed a little more help for each lesson to really understand it. But even with that the math part of chemistry is still hard for me. But I always keep trying! That’s the most important thing to me I think is to keep trying(( This is a good statement of values.)) . Even when problems are hard and I can’t solve them I try to have a good attitude because even if I can’t get it right, doing chemistry is about unlocking the secrets of the universe and that really is interesting even if you can’t completely understand them. When I started taking chemistry in my sophomore year I almost gave up but I was also really inspired by my teacher who guided me through everything. She gave me extra time to do my lab work and was even my lab partner a couple times because our class has an uneven number of students. My favorite part of chemistry lab is mixing solutions and testing them. I don’t like the lab report writing so much but I know it’s an important part. So I try to just get through that so I can get back to doing experiments and such. My favorite experiments was about building a calormieter to measure how many calories is in our food(( Pay attention to small errors and typos like this one.)) . Calories are energy so you burn your food to measure how much energy they have. Then you write up a report about how many calories each food item like bananas, bread, a cookie, had. The best part of doing labs is having your lab partner there with you. You’re both wearing goggles and lab coats and gloves and you feel really like a professional chemist and it’s nice that you’re not doing it alone. You just read the lab instructions and do each of the steps in order. It’s like baking a cake! You just follow the recipe. But you don’t eat the results! You might use beakers or bunsen burners to hold liquid or burn or heat up whatever it is you’re experimenting on. And when I say “find the meaning of the universe” I really mean it(( The writer is trying to return to a bigger reflection here, but the transition needs to be much smoother.)) . It’s amazing how much chemistry is in everything. Cooking is doing chemistry because you’re changing up the properties of the food. The air we breathe, the way plants get energy, the medicines we take, we understand it all because of chemistry. I know that becoming a chemist is hard work and isn’t easy. But I know that it’s rewarding and that’s why I want to do it. Helping people is so important to me and I think that chemistry can help me get there(( Here, we also learn about the writer’s values and motivations.)) . I also like the health and beauty industry and I think it would be fun to get to develop new products or perfumes or medicines.

Word Count: 746

Admissions Officer Notes on The Chemist

There’s no easy way to say it, but this essay just doesn’t meet the mark. That’s why it gets an F. It reads like a free write rather than an essay because it is stream-of-consciousness and doesn’t really make a clear point. I learn that the writer loves chemistry, but the overall message is not clear.

Ideas : All hope is not lost! Once we dig into what each sentence of the essay is saying, there are some good ideas that the writer can turn into a more cohesive topic.
Organization: I hesitate to make any extreme claims about college essays, but I feel pretty confident in saying that the vast majority of college essays should always be more than one paragraph. You need paragraphs to break up your thoughts into digestible chunks. Each paragraph should contain a single point you’re trying to convey to the reader. This writer should break all these ideas up into several paragraphs.
Theme: We see that the topic of the essay is chemistry, that chemistry is interesting because it’s the foundation of everything, and that chemistry can help people. But we don’t really get any deeper meaning from the writer. They haven’t made an attempt to be vulnerable or to show us something significant about themself.
Length: The essay is almost a hundred words over the word count. The writer needs to pare things down as they organize and clarify their ideas.

Supplemental Essay Examples

In addition to your personal statement, many colleges will also have you write what are called “supplemental essays.”

These essays do exactly as the name implies: they supplement your personal statement. They’re the perfect opportunity for you to tell admissions officers even more about yourself beyond the information you put in your personal statement. Specifically, ou can use them strategically to highlight even more of your strengths.

There are no universal supplemental essay prompts like there are for the Common Application personal statement.

Instead, colleges provide their own supplemental essay prompt(s) as part of their applications.

The good news, however, is that these prompts generally fall into a few common categories: Why Us, Community, Personal Challenge, Extracurricular Activities, Academic Interest, Diversity, and Why this Major prompts.

If you want to learn more about what these prompts entail, or about how to even write a supplemental essay in the first place, check out our complete guide to writing supplemental essays (it’s really good).

For now, let’s take a look at standout example essays for four of the most common supplemental prompt types.

Community Essay: The DIY-ers

Prompt from MIT: Describe the world you come from (for example, your family, school, community, city, or town). How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?

225 words or fewer"

I come from a family of do-it-yourselfers(( Straightforward but attention-grabbing. Nice!)) . In part, this lifestyle is one of necessity. Hiring professionals isn’t cheap, after all. But our DIY proclivities are also a product of a longstanding family tradition of ingenuity.

My first DIY was a fix on my Cozy Coupe, whose steering wheel had fallen off. Since then, my DIYs have become larger scale. With my dad, I’ve replaced loose bike chains, put in a new car clutch, and re-tiled our kitchen.

But our biggest DIY to date has been building a six-foot telescope(( Great topic choice that connects to the writer’s academic interests)) together. Made of scraps and spare parts, it’s not the most beautiful telescope. But our focus is on the stars anyway. My entire family has evening picnics, taking turns to look through the makeshift eyepiece. Occasionally the eyepiece falls off, and we all laugh(( I love the personality that emerges with this detail.)) as I run over to replace it.

Coming from a DIY family has made me self-reliant. And when the fixes just aren’t working, my dad reminds me to take a step back and think creatively about solutions. It’s from this mindset that my dream of being an environmental engineer has evolved(( The writer could get to this point sooner.)) .

I know that engineering isn’t just about fancy gadgets. It’s about ingenuity. I want to adapt my DIY ingenuity, mind and hand(( A cheeky nod to the school’s motto—interesting!)) , to even bigger projects that mitigate climate change and lead to a safer tomorrow(( I also like this gesture to the broader significance of their dreams and aspirations.)) .

Word Count: 220

Admissions Officer Notes

Topic: The writer has chosen a pretty interesting topic for this community essay that will most likely stand out among other candidates. More importantly, the community they’ve chosen to write about is one that they hold dear and have learned a lot from. The story connects in specific ways to who they are as a person and what their dreams and aspirations have come to be.
Growth: The prompt asks how the community has “shaped” your dreams and aspirations. This writer focuses on the progression of their aspirations while telling endearing stories about their relationship with their family members.
Future goals: The writer explicitly states how this community has shaped how and what they want to do in the future.

What it could improve on:

Pacing: Aside from describing your community, the main question of the prompt is how that community has shaped your dreams and aspirations. While the writer does get to an answer, they could spend more time in the essay focusing on that answer.

Diversity Essay: Bumpass

Prompt from Duke: We seek a diverse student body that embodies the wide range of human experience. In that context, we are interested in what you’d like to share about your lived experiences and how they’ve influenced how you think of yourself.

There((A great, interesting hook that also jumps into a connection with Duke.)) are more traffic lights on the Duke University campus than there are in my entire hometown.

I don’t actually know how many traffic lights Duke has, but it’s a pretty safe bet that it has more than zero, which is how many we have here in Bumpass, Virginia.

Yes, Bumpass. Pronounced “bump-us”.

I’m from a weird little lake town in central Virginia((This paragraph gives us a clear picture of the writer's lived experiences.)) that has two types of residents: part-timers (that’s what we call them), mostly from DC, Richmond, or Charlottesville, with million-plus dollar homes on Lake Anna. They swim and boat on the private side of the lake, which is heated (yes, the lake is heated) by a nuclear power plant. And then there are families like mine. The locals. I’ve always thought “working class” was a nice way for rich people to call poor people poor, but that’s what we are. Families like mine clean the power plant. I’ve never swam in the private side, and our boat is a canoe.

Officially((And this paragraph gives us a good sense of how those lived experiences have influenced them.)) , I’ve had a job since my 16th birthday, which is the legal age in Virginia. But I’ve worked cleaning rental homes and fixing boats for part-timers with my uncle since I was old enough to use a Swiffer and turn a wrench. I’ve cleaned homes that cost more than my extended family’s combined net worth, but oddly I enjoy it. When I see inside their homes, I have something to aspire to, and that’s more than most of my hometown peers can say.

Success around here means making it through community college. Doing so in two years all without abusing alcohol or drugs? I don’t know many people who have done that. But I want to bring my Bumpass experience to Duke.((Nice job bringing the story back to the connection with Duke.)) I know how to rise before the sun and get a day’s worth of work in before noon. I know how to talk to goat farmers and postal workers (my best friend’s parents) just as well as neurosurgeons and pilots (my favorite part-timers whose docks I maintain in the off-season).

I’m looking forward to learning from the diverse body at Duke, making friends from around the world, and gaining a better understanding of the world beyond Bumpass((This conclusion ties the essay together nicely and communicates good school fit.)) .

Humor and personality: From the topic of the town’s name to the introduction, the writer uses humor (when appropriate) and clearly shows their own voice. They take an authentic approach to the diversity essay prompt. I feel like I know the student after reading this, which is always good.
School Connections: While there aren’t a ton of references to Duke here, the prompt doesn’t necessarily ask for them. The writer still does a good job connecting their lived experience to how they see themself at Duke.

Personal Challenge Essay: Tutoring Charlotte

Prompt from Brown: Brown’s culture fosters a community in which students challenge the ideas of others and have their ideas challenged in return, promoting a deeper and clearer understanding of the complex issues confronting society. This active engagement in dialogue is as present outside the classroom as it is in academic spaces. Tell us about a time you were challenged by a perspective that differed from your own. How did you respond? (200-250 words)

Asking Charlotte to answer a math question was like asking a cat to take a bath. Her resistance was almost instinctual. When I first met her, I had been doing after-school tutoring for about six months. The program paired up high school students with middle schoolers who were falling behind in their classes. Charlotte was my first student and biggest challenge(( Nice wording to make it abundantly clear that the writer is answering the prompt)) .

At first, her unwillingness to try came across as lazy(( This sentence gets at what the prompt is asking for: “a perspective that differed from your own”)) . I used everything I had in my tutoring arsenal. I encouraged her to give her confidence, and I even brought candy to bribe her. To my dismay, nothing worked. Each time I introduced a new problem, Charlotte simply refused.

My frustration grew so immense that I caught myself being curt with her. When I saw the look of betrayal in her eyes, I was ashamed at my impatience(( Here we have an inciting incident and growth that resulted from a realization. The writer begins to address the “how did you respond?” part of the prompt.)) . I realized that Charlotte’s struggles weren’t her fault. Math has always come easy to me. Whereas every math problem I encounter is like a code I’m excited to crack, Charlotte sees math problems as threats. After years of struggling, it’s no wonder that she stopped trying.

Once I understood that we approach math from different perspectives, I tried something new. I got rid of the math book and graph paper, and I brought out gummy bears. We did an algebra problem without her even knowing it. Together(( The writer zooms the focus out to a larger reflection about what they learned from this interaction. Nice.)) , we worked to overcome her fear of math. Along the way, I learned to teach the person, not the subject matter.

World Count: 247

Topic choice: Personal Challenge prompts can be some of the most difficult, especially if you don’t have a specific challenge you’ve faced in your life. This writer’s topic choice works great. They show that you don’t have to have a life-altering challenge to answer this prompt well.
Clear narrative: This prompt is a lengthy one, but the writer has clearly read it and used it to structure the story. As a reader, it’s easy to follow along as the writer identifies the problem, works toward a solution, overcomes hurdles, and eventually comes out successful in the end.
Connections: Different prompts require different levels of connections to the school. This writer incorporates some of Brown’s institutional values, but, especially since the prompt says so much about Brown’s community, the writer could have made more effort to connect their story to Brown.

Extracurricular Essay: Working Retail

Prompt from Vanderbilt: Vanderbilt offers a community where students find balance between their academic and social experiences. Please briefly elaborate on how one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences has influenced you.

“ Would(( Beginning any essay with dialog can be hit or miss. But this is a hit. The dialog quickly captures the essence of working in retail and plops the reader directly into the writer’s extracurricular activity.)) you like another size? Sure thing, I’ll get a medium.”

“Are you interested in saving 10% today with an Old Navy Card? No, no worries…”

“I can clean the bathrooms if someone covers the fitting room!”

I didn’t expect much from my first job. Mostly, I expected to earn $12 an hour and improve my denim folding skills at Old Navy. I didn’t think I could learn so much about people and develop life skills.

As(( This paragraph could be a little more specific to the writer rather than their coworkers.)) odd as it may sound, retail work brought people together during COVID. I started in July of 2020. Our store had always met for monthly meetings, but everyone emphasized how much closer they’d become since the pandemic. Stepping up to cover someone’s shift when they got sick–or their spouse or child did–used to elicit a quick “thank you!”, but took on a more profound meaning in 2020. Though I started mid-pandemic, everyone I worked with remarked that, with a few notable exceptions, the overall demeanor of the clientele was much more empathetic. My coworkers seemed to go from sales associates to brave workers keeping the economy afloat overnight.

After about seven months of dutiful work, I was promoted(( The writer seamlessly incorporates the information that they earned a promotion after a relatively brief time of working at the store.)) to senior associate and had new responsibilities of closing and opening the store. Sure, I had dreams of working in an infectious disease lab. But having adults put real trust in me to account for several thousand dollars and secure a major outlet made me value and understand work perhaps even more than the research internship I missed out on(( I appreciate the perspective here. The writer makes a good argument for the importance of retail work, especially in relation to their academic interests.)) .

I am thankful for this opportunity to work and learn with a dedicated staff. Now, I look forward to pursuing more experiences that will relate to my career in biotech in college. Oh, and I won’t miss soliciting credit card sales with each purchase(( This humor bookends the essay wonderfully and adds some extra personality.)) !

Focus on strengths: Maintaining the right focus in extracurricular essays can be tricky. It can be easy to get caught up in the details of the activity and brag too much or not enough. Especially with extracurricular activities that aren’t based in competition, it can be challenging to draw out strengths. But this writer finds the perfect way to talk about their accomplishments and strengths (being promoted and being a team player) while also seeming personable and humble.
Connection to future goals : Importantly, the writer doesn’t just leave the story at their retail job. They show the admissions officer how they see this job as contributing toward their future goals.
Transitions: The transitions between paragraphs and into the detail about a future biotech career could be smoother.

Why this Major: Watchers

Prompt from USC: Describe how you plan to pursue your academic interests and why you want to explore them at USC specifically. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections. (Approximately 250 words)

As a child(( I like how the writer takes a more creative approach to a standard “why this major” essay.)) , I always got in trouble for staring. My mom would nudge me whenever I looked at someone too long. My uncontrollable staring was an embarrassment for her, but it’s one of the things I love most about myself. Whereas some people are do-ers, I am a watcher, a listener, and a documenter(( We learn a lot about the writer’s personality here.)) . Like introverts and extroverts, the world needs both kinds of people.

Watchers have an admirable task: to see what exists and give it meaning. That’s exactly what I want to do while pursuing my academic interests in anthropology(( And at this point, we jump quickly into the connections between the opening story and the writer’s academic interests. )) . In particular, I’m interested in learning about art, language, and culture in Russia. Pursuing a research career in anthropology would open up opportunities for me to do research for government offices and move toward my ultimate goal(( Incorporating a future goal that they’re working towards is an effective approach.)) of working for the United Nations.

As(( This paragraph has a number of specific, detailed, and relevant connections to the school.)) a Visual Anthropology and Russian double major at USC, I would hone my social scientist skills and improve my Russian language abilities. I’m also eager to participate in a directed internship and to connect with fellow watchers in the Anthropology and Global Studies club. The Center for Visual Anthropology, minor in Folklore and Popular Culture, and the anthropology-focused study abroad opportunity in St. Petersburg all converge to make USC the ideal place for me to learn.

With USC’s global focus and emphasis on creativity, research, and public service, I know that I could develop my watching skills into a successful anthropology career(( And the writer concludes by drawing on some of the institution’s core values, which helps ground all of those disparate connections into something meaningful that the writer aligns themself with.)) .

Writing style and storytelling: This essay shows that supplemental essays don’t have to be boring. The writer opens with an interesting hook and writes about their major interest in a compelling way.
School research and connections: The writer does a good job specifically answering the “how you plan to pursue your academic interests and why you want to explore them at USC” part of the prompt. It’s clear that they’ve done their research, and the connections they’ve chosen to focus on make sense in the context of the story they’ve told. They also incorporate school values in addition to simple facts.
Writing about school connections : To take this essay to the next level, the student could write about the school connections in a slightly more elegant way. As they are now, they feel quite list-like.

Academic Interest: Everyday History

Prompt from Barnard: At Barnard, academic inquiry starts with bold questions. What are some of the bold questions you have pondered that get you excited and why do they interest you? Tell us how you would explore these questions at Barnard. (max 300)

As I walked through the ancient city of Pompeii(( This is a beautiful hook that stops and makes the reader think, too.)) on a family vacation, I thought about the children. I imagined how scared they must have been when the volcano erupted, how they must have reached out to their caregivers for protection. When a large group of people mobbed through the alley next to us, I reached out to my own mother(( With a simple phrase, the writer shows the connection between themself and the people of the past who have captured their attention.)) as an anchor.

What interests me most about history is that the people of the past(( The writer adeptly transitions from a poetic introduction to a straightforward answer to the prompt.)) were just like us. They had likes and dislikes, they became frightened and love-struck and tired. While the history of royalty and great wars captures most people’s attention, what I want to study is the history of everyday people.

What(( These questions respond exactly to what the prompt is asking for. )) was it like to be a child in Pompeii? How did prisoners feel on their way to Australia? What kinds of recipes did the Aztecs cook?

I know that with Barnard’s culture of multidisciplinarity, discovery, and creative thinking, I’d be able to pursue these questions and more(( The writer draws on Barnard’s own values and connects their interests, goals, and questions to specific offerings at Barnard.)) . In classes like Gender and Empire, I’ll learn about the ways European expansion was gendered. And in Children and Childhood in African History or Reproducing Inequalities: Family in Latin American History, I’ll be able to ask questions about the history of the family: How have family structures varied across time and place? What historical role have children played? In what ways have parenting practices changed and why?

While they may seem inconsequential for life today, I believe that answering these questions helps us better understand ourselves. With Barnard’s Building Strong Voices(( And they also reference out-of-the-classroom opportunities.)) mission, I’ll learn how to present my research and advocate for the importance of history.

The world needs more histories of everyday people. We have a lot to learn from them, and Barnard’s offerings will help me lead us to better historical and current understandings(( With this conclusion, it’s clear how Barnard will help the writer accomplish their goals. )) .

Word Count: 299

Introduction: Academic interest essays are your chance to go all-in. The introduction to this essay does just that. We’re immediately transported into this writer’s academic interest, and we begin to ask these questions alongside them.
Answering all parts of the prompt: This can be a tricky feat when responding to complex prompts like Barnard’s. But this writer does just that. They tackle each part of the prompt in order, and they make clear transitions between them.

College Essay Example Takeaways

Whether you’re writing a personal statement or supplemental essay, reading and analyzing college essay examples is an important tool. Good examples can give you insight into the proper form and structure to use. And bad examples can be just as helpful by showing you what not to do.

All admissions officers will approach your college essays from different perspectives. But hopefully the grades and comments—provided by our team of former admissions officers and professional writing coaches—have helped you understand what works, what doesn’t work, and why.

As you’ve seen, there are so many essays, topics, personalities, approaches—you can write a college essay about almost anything.

If you want to take your own college essays to the next level, reach out about getting personalized application and essay support .

Frequently Asked Questions

Do admissions officers actually grade college essays, what makes a good college essay, will admissions officers read my essays.

But how closely they read your essays may be determined by other parts of your application, like your academics. We explain how admissions offices process applications in our 50k applications post.

Your essays can be the difference between you getting admitted or denied.

Liked that? Try this next.

How to Write a College Essay (Exercises + Examples)

How to Write Supplemental Essays that Will Impress Admissions Officers

9 Outstanding UC Essay Examples (Graded by Former Admissions Officers)

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The expectations for a good essay vary by department, because different fields have different standards for evidence, analysis, and argument. Below we offer some general good advice for developing a senior essay, followed by a list of some of the additional resources available to help you complete your essay.

Tip #1: Write about something you’re curious about or don’t quite understand. Although this advice applies to any writing project, it’s especially crucial for a long essay. If you don’t begin with something you’re curious about - something you really care about figuring out - you’ll have trouble sustaining interest in your essay, either for yourself or for your readers. Papers you’ve written for coursework can be a great source for topics, if there are issues that were just starting to excite you when it was time to turn in the initial paper. Think, too, about unanswered questions you’ve had from the courses in your major; your senior essay can be an opportunity to explore more deeply an issue that you feel has been neglected. Most advisors will want to begin discussions of your topic as far in advance as possible. If yours hasn’t initiated that conversation, take the first step and set up an appointment today.

Tip #2: Use writing to help shape your research - not just to record your results. The most productive change most students need to make in working on their essay is to begin writing sooner. We don’t mean by this just avoiding procrastination. Even if you begin researching and meeting with your advisor early in the year, you may still be tempted to delay writing until you have a strong sense of your direction, or even an outline. But research shows that taking time to write all throughout the process will help you develop a richer, more complex thesis. Here are some occasions to write that you may not have thought of on your own:

Write about your ideas as a way to find and explore your initial topic.

Don’t just underline and take notes on our early research; take ten minutes to write at the beginning and end of each research session about what you’ve learned and the new questions you’ve discovered.

Write before and after meeting with your advisor. Even if you have a draft or chapter to show, take an extra ten minutes to write about your sense of the project - where it’s going well and where you need help.

It’s possible that you won’t incorporate this writing directly into your final essay, but doing it will help you reflect more effectively on the progress of your research, which will lead to fuller and more satisfying results.

Tip #3: Develop a bigger network of readers. Ideally, you will have the opportunity to meet with your advisor several times in both terms while working on your essay. This is the person who can help you the most with questions of general direction, with focusing on the most productive parts of your topic, and with finding the most relevant research sources. But most professional writers get feedback from several readers before publication, and so should you. One obvious source for additional readers is the Writing Center, which offers several different kinds of tutoring. But showing your work to friends, roommates, and classmates can also be immensely helpful. If you haven’t shared your work with other writers before, let us give you some advice about how to make these opportunities productive: don’t expect student readers to offer solutions. Instead, get your readers to raise questions that you can talk and think through more deeply. Or ask them just to say what they understand and where they get stuck, then use your own judgment about whether your advisor will have the same kinds of questions. Until you’ve tried it, you have no idea how valuable it is just to show your work in progress to someone. Even before they say anything back, the meeting will allow you to think about your own writing differently. If they also give you helpful advice, well that’s just a bonus.

Departmental Guidelines Many departments publish guidelines for senior essay writers. We’ve compiled a few of these below. If your department is not listed, ask your DUS if any guidelines exist. The Writing Center Director, Alfred Guy, is available to help departments create and post advice for their senior essay writers.

History Senior Essay

Residential College Writing Tutors Every residential college has a dedicated writing tutor, and they have experience with senior essays from a wide range of departments. Students who work with a tutor write better essays, and the sooner you start, the better. Go to the tutoring section of this Web site and contact your tutor today.

Workshops for Senior Essay Writers Many departments offer a senior essay colloquium—the Writing Center directors are available to lead discussions about any topic related to developing your essay, including: setting a timetable, soliciting and using feedback, and structuring a long essay. In the past few years, we’ve worked with colloquia in American Studies, Sociology, and African Studies, and we’d love to meet with your group. Ask the coordinator of your colloquium to contact us to arrange a meeting.

Other Yale Resources

The Mellon Seminars

Each residential college organizes a Mellon seminar for senior essay writers. During these seminars, you’ll have the chance to talk about your work in progress with other seniors. Check with the Master’s office in your college for more details.

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The Poorvu Center for Teaching and Learning partners with departments and groups on-campus throughout the year to share its space. Please review the reservation form and submit a request.

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Writing Partners are Yale College or graduate school students selected for both their writing skills and their ability to talk about writing. They have a student’s-eye view of the challenges you’ll face in writing papers.

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The Poorvu Center organizes resources to help students use Turnitin to improve their writing - see patterns of source use and misuse, and learn best practices for the revision process.

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How to Write a Senior Essay/Personal Statement

Ethan de la Pena — November 05, 2020

College applications can quickly get tedious; however, there is one part that people dread that I don’t think they should - the personal statement/essay questions. Sure, they may be time consuming, but this is where you actually get to distinguish yourself from your peers. Here are three brief tips on how to ace those essays and put yourself in the best light!

Tip 1: Don’t try to be pretentious with your wording or grammar. Everyone writes in their own voice, so do not try to write in a way that you wouldn’t otherwise. Any educated reader will be able to tell when you are writing in a voice that is not your own; it comes off as disingenuous. If your natural writing style does include an expanded vocabulary and a more erudite - see what I did there - way of writing, then do it! That may be what sets you apart! However, forcing yourself to write like that will result in your writing lacking genuineness, and a lot of readers are looking for that in your essays. That’s not an excuse to use slang, misspell words, or have terrible grammar however! As long as you write in your own voice and follow the general rules of writing, you’re well on your way!

Tip 2: Don’t just write an answer to a question just because you’re tired and want to get it over with. That won’t increase your chances of getting in, and is like throwing away the money you’re spending on the application. If the essay is prompted with a number of questions you can choose from, think about each one, and determine which question you have the most life experience to answer, including what kind of life experience is most likely to be more moving and powerful. I highly recommend brainstorming some ideas and taking your time to refine your story; make it understandable, comprehensive, representative of yourself, and entertaining! You can always choose the mood of your essays: happy, solemn, lighthearted, whatever you want. It is your story. Just make sure the mood of your essay is appropriate to the question being asked!

Tip 3: There is a lot of pressure placed on these essays, because people view them as how you actually get accepted. While there is some truth to this, that’s not all there is. You are not defined by what college you get into, how well your essay is written, or even your extracurriculars and grades . These essays are just a way for the school to get to know you better. You’ve presented yourself in your best light, and if you don’t get in, you’re not worth any less than you were before being rejected, and those who got accepted aren’t worth any more than anybody else. God just wants you somewhere else. That was my experience, and now I am so so happy that I got rejected elsewhere, so I could be at Biola, where God wants me!

I pray these were helpful to at least some of you!

Here is a little sample of my personal statement to Biola!

With all brotherly love,

Ethan de la Pena

Ethan is a sophomore Mathematics major, born and bred in Clovis, California. His passions include filmmaking, photography, watching movies, running, biking, and hiking! He also loves to learn about almost anything and is often willing to engage in conversations. If you don’t find him studying in the library or relaxing by Flour Fountain, he’s likely to be at Disneyland or Newport Beach, getting some Lemonade at Fashion Island. Ethan’s walk with Christ is the most important part of his life, and he would love to discuss his testimony or theology; if you see him on campus, just walk up and act like old friends! Keep any eye out for his black Hume Lake hat if you want to chat.

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16 Strong College Essay Examples from Top Schools

What’s Covered:

Common App Essays
Why This College Essays
Why This Major Essays
Extracurricular Essays
Overcoming Challenges Essays
Community Service Essays
Diversity Essays
Political/Global Issues Essays
Where to Get Feedback on Your Essays

Most high school students don’t get a lot of experience with creative writing, so the college essay can be especially daunting. Reading examples of successful essays, however, can help you understand what admissions officers are looking for.

In this post, we’ll share 16 college essay examples of many different topics. Most of the essay prompts fall into 8 different archetypes, and you can approach each prompt under that archetype in a similar way. We’ve grouped these examples by archetype so you can better structure your approach to college essays.

If you’re looking for school-specific guides, check out our 2022-2023 essay breakdowns .

Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized.

Note: the essays are titled in this post for navigation purposes, but they were not originally titled. We also include the original prompt where possible.

The Common App essay goes to all of the schools on your list, unless those schools use a separate application platform. Because of this, it’s the most important essay in your portfolio, and likely the longest essay you’ll need to write (you get up to 650 words).

The goal of this essay is to share a glimpse into who you are, what matters to you, and what you hope to achieve. It’s a chance to share your story.

Learn more about how to write the Common App essay in our complete guide.

The Multiple Meanings of Point

Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (250-650 words)

Night had robbed the academy of its daytime colors, yet there was comfort in the dim lights that cast shadows of our advances against the bare studio walls. Silhouettes of roundhouse kicks, spin crescent kicks, uppercuts and the occasional butterfly kick danced while we sparred. She approached me, eyes narrowed with the trace of a smirk challenging me. “Ready spar!” Her arm began an upward trajectory targeting my shoulder, a common first move. I sidestepped — only to almost collide with another flying fist. Pivoting my right foot, I snapped my left leg, aiming my heel at her midsection. The center judge raised one finger.

There was no time to celebrate, not in the traditional sense at least. Master Pollard gave a brief command greeted with a unanimous “Yes, sir” and the thud of 20 hands dropping-down-and-giving-him-30, while the “winners” celebrated their victory with laps as usual.

Three years ago, seven-thirty in the evening meant I was a warrior. It meant standing up straighter, pushing a little harder, “Yes, sir” and “Yes, ma’am”, celebrating birthdays by breaking boards, never pointing your toes, and familiarity. Three years later, seven-thirty in the morning meant I was nervous.

The room is uncomfortably large. The sprung floor soaks up the checkerboard of sunlight piercing through the colonial windows. The mirrored walls further illuminate the studio and I feel the light scrutinizing my sorry attempts at a pas de bourrée, while capturing the organic fluidity of the dancers around me. “Chassé en croix, grand battement, pique, pirouette.” I follow the graceful limbs of the woman in front of me, her legs floating ribbons, as she executes what seems to be a perfect ronds de jambes. Each movement remains a negotiation. With admirable patience, Ms. Tan casts me a sympathetic glance.

There is no time to wallow in the misery that is my right foot. Taekwondo calls for dorsiflexion; pointed toes are synonymous with broken toes. My thoughts drag me into a flashback of the usual response to this painful mistake: “You might as well grab a tutu and head to the ballet studio next door.” Well, here I am Master Pollard, unfortunately still following your orders to never point my toes, but no longer feeling the satisfaction that comes with being a third degree black belt with 5 years of experience quite literally under her belt. It’s like being a white belt again — just in a leotard and ballet slippers.

But the appetite for new beginnings that brought me here doesn’t falter. It is only reinforced by the classical rendition of “Dancing Queen” that floods the room and the ghost of familiarity that reassures me that this new beginning does not and will not erase the past. After years spent at the top, it’s hard to start over. But surrendering what you are only leads you to what you may become. In Taekwondo, we started each class reciting the tenets: honor, courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control, courage, humility, and knowledge, and I have never felt that I embodied those traits more so than when I started ballet.

The thing about change is that it eventually stops making things so different. After nine different schools, four different countries, three different continents, fluency in Tamil, Norwegian, and English, there are more blurred lines than there are clear fragments. My life has not been a tactfully executed, gold medal-worthy Taekwondo form with each movement defined, nor has it been a series of frappés performed by a prima ballerina with each extension identical and precise, but thankfully it has been like the dynamics of a spinning back kick, fluid, and like my chances of landing a pirouette, unpredictable.

The first obvious strength of this essay is the introduction—it is interesting and snappy and uses enough technical language that we want to figure out what the student is discussing. When writing introductions, students tend to walk the line between intriguing and confusing. It is important that your essay ends up on the intentionally intriguing side of that line—like this student does! We are a little confused at first, but by then introducing the idea of “sparring,” the student grounds their essay.

People often advise young writers to “show, not tell.” This student takes that advice a step further and makes the reader do a bit of work to figure out what they are telling us. Nowhere in this essay does it say “After years of Taekwondo, I made the difficult decision to switch over to ballet.” Rather, the student says “It’s like being a white belt again — just in a leotard and ballet slippers.” How powerful!

After a lot of emotional language and imagery, this student finishes off their essay with very valuable (and necessary!) reflection. They show admissions officers that they are more than just a good writer—they are a mature and self-aware individual who would be beneficial to a college campus. Self-awareness comes through with statements like “surrendering what you are only leads you to what you may become” and maturity can be seen through the student’s discussion of values: “honor, courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control, courage, humility, and knowledge, and I have never felt that I embodied those traits more so than when I started ballet.”

Sparking Self-Awareness

Prompt: The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? (250-650 words)

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire.

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family.

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt.

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame.

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him.

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses.

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

First things first, this Common App essay is well-written. This student is definitely showing the admissions officers her ability to articulate her points beautifully and creatively. It starts with vivid images like that of the “rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free.” And because the prose is flowery (and beautiful!), the writer can get away with metaphors like “I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms” that might sound cheesy without the clear command of the English language that the writer quickly establishes.

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

While dialogue often comes off as cliche or trite, this student effectively incorporates her family members saying “Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” This is achieved through the apt use of the verb “taunted” to characterize the questioning and through the question’s thematic connection to the earlier image of the student as a rustic princess. Similarly, rhetorical questions can feel randomly placed in essays, but this student’s inclusion of the questions “Was I so dainty?” and “Was I that incapable?” feel perfectly justified after she establishes that she was pondering her failure.

Quite simply, this essay shows how quality writing can make a simple story outstandingly compelling.

Why This College?

“Why This College?” is one of the most common essay prompts, likely because schools want to understand whether you’d be a good fit and how you’d use their resources.

This essay is one of the more straightforward ones you’ll write for college applications, but you still can and should allow your voice to shine through.

Learn more about how to write the “Why This College?” essay in our guide.

Prompt: How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania? Please answer this question given the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying (650 words).

Sister Simone Roach, a theorist of nursing ethics, said, “caring is the human mode of being.” I have long been inspired by Sister Roach’s Five C’s of Caring: commitment, conscience, competence, compassion, and confidence. Penn both embraces and fosters these values through a rigorous, interdisciplinary curriculum and unmatched access to service and volunteer opportunities.

COMMITMENT. Reading through the activities that Penn Quakers devote their time to (in addition to academics!) felt like drinking from a firehose in the best possible way. As a prospective nursing student with interests outside of my major, I value this level of flexibility. I plan to leverage Penn’s liberal arts curriculum to gain an in-depth understanding of the challenges LGBT people face, especially regarding healthcare access. Through courses like “Interactional Processes with LGBT Individuals” and volunteering at the Mazzoni Center for outreach, I hope to learn how to better support the Penn LGBT community as well as my family and friends, including my cousin, who came out as trans last year.

CONSCIENCE. As one of the first people in my family to attend a four-year university, I wanted a school that promoted a sense of moral responsibility among its students. At Penn, professors challenge their students to question and recreate their own set of morals by sparking thought- provoking, open-minded discussions. I can imagine myself advocating for universal healthcare in courses such as “Health Care Reform & Future of American Health System” and debating its merits with my peers. Studying in an environment where students confidently voice their opinions – conservative or liberal – will push me to question and strengthen my value system.

COMPETENCE. Two aspects that drew my attention to Penn’s BSN program were its high-quality research opportunities and hands-on nursing projects. Through its Office of Nursing Research, Penn connects students to faculty members who share similar research interests. As I volunteered at a nursing home in high school, I hope to work with Dr. Carthon to improve the quality of care for senior citizens. Seniors, especially minorities, face serious barriers to healthcare that I want to resolve. Additionally, Penn’s unique use of simulations to bridge the gap between classroom learning and real-world application impressed me. Using computerized manikins that mimic human responses, classes in Penn’s nursing program allow students to apply their emergency medical skills in a mass casualty simulation and monitor their actions afterward through a video system. Participating in this activity will help me identify my strengths and areas for improvement regarding crisis management and medical care in a controlled yet realistic setting. Research opportunities and simulations will develop my skills even before I interact with patients.

COMPASSION. I value giving back through community service, and I have a particular interest in Penn’s Community Champions and Nursing Students For Sexual & Reproductive Health (NSRH). As a four-year volunteer health educator, I hope to continue this work as a Community Champions member. I am excited to collaborate with medical students to teach fourth and fifth graders in the city about cardiology or lead a chair dance class for the elders at the LIFE Center. Furthermore, as a feminist who firmly believes in women’s abortion rights, I’d like to join NSRH in order to advocate for women’s health on campus. At Penn, I can work with like-minded people to make a meaningful difference.

CONFIDENCE. All of the Quakers that I have met possess one defining trait: confidence. Each student summarized their experiences at Penn as challenging but fulfilling. Although I expect my coursework to push me, from my conversations with current Quakers I know it will help me to be far more effective in my career.

The Five C’s of Caring are important heuristics for nursing, but they also provide insight into how I want to approach my time in college. I am eager to engage with these principles both as a nurse and as a Penn Quaker, and I can’t wait to start.

This prompt from Penn asks students to tailor their answer to their specific field of study. One great thing that this student does is identify their undergraduate school early, by mentioning “Sister Simone Roach, a theorist of nursing ethics.” You don’t want readers confused or searching through other parts of your application to figure out your major.

With a longer essay like this, it is important to establish structure. Some students organize their essay in a narrative form, using an anecdote from their past or predicting their future at a school. This student uses Roach’s 5 C’s of Caring as a framing device that organizes their essay around values. This works well!

While this essay occasionally loses voice, there are distinct moments where the student’s personality shines through. We see this with phrases like “felt like drinking from a fire hose in the best possible way” and “All of the Quakers that I have met possess one defining trait: confidence.” It is important to show off your personality to make your essay stand out.

Finally, this student does a great job of referencing specific resources about Penn. It’s clear that they have done their research (they’ve even talked to current Quakers). They have dreams and ambitions that can only exist at Penn.

Prompt: What is it about Yale that has led you to apply? (125 words or fewer)

Coin collector and swimmer. Hungarian and Romanian. Critical and creative thinker. I was drawn to Yale because they don’t limit one’s mind with “or” but rather embrace unison with “and.”

Wandering through the Beinecke Library, I prepare for my multidisciplinary Energy Studies capstone about the correlation between hedonism and climate change, making it my goal to find implications in environmental sociology. Under the tutelage of Assistant Professor Arielle Baskin-Sommers, I explore the emotional deficits of depression, utilizing neuroimaging to scrutinize my favorite branch of psychology: human perception. At Walden Peer Counseling, I integrate my peer support and active listening skills to foster an empathetic environment for the Yale community. Combining my interests in psychological and environmental studies is why I’m proud to be a Bulldog.

This answer to the “Why This College” question is great because 1) the student shows their excitement about attending Yale 2) we learn the ways in which attending Yale will help them achieve their goals and 3) we learn their interests and identities.

In this response, you can find a prime example of the “Image of the Future” approach, as the student flashes forward and envisions their life at Yale, using present tense (“I explore,” “I integrate,” “I’m proud”). This approach is valuable if you are trying to emphasize your dedication to a specific school. Readers get the feeling that this student is constantly imagining themselves on campus—it feels like Yale really matters to them.

Starting this image with the Beinecke Library is great because the Beinecke Library only exists at Yale. It is important to tailor “Why This College” responses to each specific school. This student references a program of study, a professor, and an extracurricular that only exist at Yale. Additionally, they connect these unique resources to their interests—psychological and environmental studies.

Finally, we learn about the student (independent of academics) through this response. By the end of their 125 words, we know their hobbies, ethnicities, and social desires, in addition to their academic interests. It can be hard to tackle a 125-word response, but this student shows that it’s possible.

Why This Major?

The goal of this prompt is to understand how you came to be interested in your major and what you plan to do with it. For competitive programs like engineering, this essay helps admissions officers distinguish students who have a genuine passion and are most likely to succeed in the program. This is another more straightforward essay, but you do have a bit more freedom to include relevant anecdotes.

Learn more about how to write the “Why This Major?” essay in our guide.

Why Duke Engineering

Prompt: If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering as a first year applicant, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke (250 words).

One Christmas morning, when I was nine, I opened a snap circuit set from my grandmother. Although I had always loved math and science, I didn’t realize my passion for engineering until I spent the rest of winter break creating different circuits to power various lights, alarms, and sensors. Even after I outgrew the toy, I kept the set in my bedroom at home and knew I wanted to study engineering. Later, in a high school biology class, I learned that engineering didn’t only apply to circuits, but also to medical devices that could improve people’s quality of life. Biomedical engineering allows me to pursue my academic passions and help people at the same time.

Just as biology and engineering interact in biomedical engineering, I am fascinated by interdisciplinary research in my chosen career path. Duke offers unmatched resources, such as DUhatch and The Foundry, that will enrich my engineering education and help me practice creative problem-solving skills. The emphasis on entrepreneurship within these resources will also help me to make a helpful product. Duke’s Bass Connections program also interests me; I firmly believe that the most creative and necessary problem-solving comes by bringing people together from different backgrounds. Through this program, I can use my engineering education to solve complicated societal problems such as creating sustainable surgical tools for low-income countries. Along the way, I can learn alongside experts in the field. Duke’s openness and collaborative culture span across its academic disciplines, making Duke the best place for me to grow both as an engineer and as a social advocate.

This prompt calls for a complex answer. Students must explain both why they want to study engineering and why Duke is the best place for them to study engineering.

This student begins with a nice hook—a simple anecdote about a simple present with profound consequences. They do not fluff up their anecdote with flowery images or emotionally-loaded language; it is what it is, and it is compelling and sweet. As their response continues, they express a particular interest in problem-solving. They position problem-solving as a fundamental part of their interest in engineering (and a fundamental part of their fascination with their childhood toy). This helps readers to learn about the student!

Problem-solving is also the avenue by which they introduce Duke’s resources—DUhatch, The Foundry, and Duke’s Bass Connections program. It is important to notice that the student explains how these resources can help them achieve their future goals—it is not enough to simply identify the resources!

This response is interesting and focused. It clearly answers the prompt, and it feels honest and authentic.

Why Georgia Tech CompSci

Prompt: Why do you want to study your chosen major specifically at Georgia Tech? (300 words max)

I held my breath and hit RUN. Yes! A plump white cat jumped out and began to catch the falling pizzas. Although my Fat Cat project seems simple now, it was the beginning of an enthusiastic passion for computer science. Four years and thousands of hours of programming later, that passion has grown into an intense desire to explore how computer science can serve society. Every day, surrounded by technology that can recognize my face and recommend scarily-specific ads, I’m reminded of Uncle Ben’s advice to a young Spiderman: “with great power comes great responsibility”. Likewise, the need to ensure digital equality has skyrocketed with AI’s far-reaching presence in society; and I believe that digital fairness starts with equality in education.

The unique use of threads at the College of Computing perfectly matches my interests in AI and its potential use in education; the path of combined threads on Intelligence and People gives me the rare opportunity to delve deep into both areas. I’m particularly intrigued by the rich sets of both knowledge-based and data-driven intelligence courses, as I believe AI should not only show correlation of events, but also provide insight for why they occur.

In my four years as an enthusiastic online English tutor, I’ve worked hard to help students overcome both financial and technological obstacles in hopes of bringing quality education to people from diverse backgrounds. For this reason, I’m extremely excited by the many courses in the People thread that focus on education and human-centered technology. I’d love to explore how to integrate AI technology into the teaching process to make education more available, affordable, and effective for people everywhere. And with the innumerable opportunities that Georgia Tech has to offer, I know that I will be able to go further here than anywhere else.

With a “Why This Major” essay, you want to avoid using all of your words to tell a story. That being said, stories are a great way to show your personality and make your essay stand out. This student’s story takes up only their first 21 words, but it positions the student as fun and funny and provides an endearing image of cats and pizzas—who doesn’t love cats and pizzas? There are other moments when the student’s personality shines through also, like the Spiderman reference.

While this pop culture reference adds color, it also is important for what the student is getting at: their passion. They want to go into computer science to address the issues of security and equity that are on the industry’s mind, and they acknowledge these concerns with their comments about “scarily-specific ads” and their statement that “the need to ensure digital equality has skyrocketed.” This student is self-aware and aware of the state of the industry. This aptitude will be appealing for admissions officers.

The conversation around “threads” is essential for this student’s response because the prompt asks specifically about the major at Georgia Tech and it is the only thing they reference that is specific to Georgia Tech. Threads are great, but this student would have benefitted from expanding on other opportunities specific to Georgia Tech later in the essay, instead of simply inserting “innumerable opportunities.”

Overall, this student shows personality, passion, and aptitude—precisely what admissions officers want to see!

Extracurricular Essay

You’re asked to describe your activities on the Common App, but chances are, you have at least one extracurricular that’s impacted you in a way you can’t explain in 150 characters.

This essay archetype allows you to share how your most important activity shaped you and how you might use those lessons learned in the future. You are definitely welcome to share anecdotes and use a narrative approach, but remember to include some reflection. A common mistake students make is to only describe the activity without sharing how it impacted them.

Learn more about how to write the Extracurricular Essay in our guide.

A Dedicated Musician

My fingers raced across the keys, rapidly striking one after another. My body swayed with the music as my hands raced across the piano. Crashing onto the final chord, it was over as quickly as it had begun. My shoulders relaxed and I couldn’t help but break into a satisfied grin. I had just played the Moonlight Sonata’s third movement, a longtime dream of mine.

Four short months ago, though, I had considered it impossible. The piece’s tempo was impossibly fast, its notes stretching between each end of the piano, forcing me to reach farther than I had ever dared. It was 17 pages of the most fragile and intricate melodies I had ever encountered.

But that summer, I found myself ready to take on the challenge. With the end of the school year, I was released from my commitment to practicing for band and solo performances. I was now free to determine my own musical path: either succeed in learning the piece, or let it defeat me for the third summer in a row.

Over those few months, I spent countless hours practicing the same notes until they burned a permanent place in my memory, creating a soundtrack for even my dreams. Some would say I’ve mastered the piece, but as a musician I know better. Now that I can play it, I am eager to take the next step and add in layers of musicality and expression to make the once-impossible piece even more beautiful.

In this response, the student uses their extracurricular, piano, as a way to emphasize their positive qualities. At the beginning, readers are invited on a journey with the student where we feel their struggle, their intensity, and ultimately their satisfaction. With this descriptive image, we form a valuable connection with the student.

Then, we get to learn about what makes this student special: their dedication and work ethic. The fact that this student describes their desire to be productive during the summer shows an intensity that is appealing to admissions officers. Additionally, the growth mindset that this student emphasizes in their conclusion is appealing to admissions officers.

The Extracurricular Essay can be seen as an opportunity to characterize yourself. This student clearly identified their positive qualities, then used the Extracurricular Essay as a way to articulate them.

A Complicated Relationship with the School Newspaper

My school’s newspaper and I have a typical love-hate relationship; some days I want nothing more than to pass two hours writing and formatting articles, while on others the mere thought of student journalism makes me shiver. Still, as we’re entering our fourth year together, you could consider us relatively stable. We’ve learned to accept each other’s differences; at this point I’ve become comfortable spending an entire Friday night preparing for an upcoming issue, and I hardly even notice the snail-like speed of our computers. I’ve even benefitted from the polygamous nature of our relationship—with twelve other editors, there’s a lot of cooperation involved. Perverse as it may be, from that teamwork I’ve both gained some of my closest friends and improved my organizational and time-management skills. And though leaving it in the hands of new editors next year will be difficult, I know our time together has only better prepared me for future relationships.

This response is great. It’s cute and endearing and, importantly, tells readers a lot about the student who wrote it. Framing this essay in the context of a “love-hate relationship,” then supplementing with comments like “We’ve learned to accept each other’s differences” allows this student to advertise their maturity in a unique and engaging way.

While Extracurricular Essays can be a place to show how you’ve grown within an activity, they can also be a place to show how you’ve grown through an activity. At the end of this essay, readers think that this student is mature and enjoyable, and we think that their experience with the school newspaper helped make them that way.

Participating in Democracy

Prompt: Research shows that an ability to learn from experiences outside the classroom correlates with success in college. What was your greatest learning experience over the past 4 years that took place outside of the traditional classroom? (250 words)

The cool, white halls of the Rayburn House office building contrasted with the bustling energy of interns entertaining tourists, staffers rushing to cover committee meetings, and my fellow conference attendees separating to meet with our respective congresspeople. Through civics and US history classes, I had learned about our government, but simply hearing the legislative process outlined didn’t prepare me to navigate it. It was my first political conference, and, after learning about congressional mechanics during breakout sessions, I was lobbying my representative about an upcoming vote crucial to the US-Middle East relationship. As the daughter of Iranian immigrants, my whole life had led me to the moment when I could speak on behalf of the family members who had not emigrated with my parents.

As I sat down with my congresswoman’s chief of staff, I truly felt like a participant in democracy; I was exercising my right to be heard as a young American. Through this educational conference, I developed a plan of action to raise my voice. When I returned home, I signed up to volunteer with the state chapter of the Democratic Party. I sponsored letter-writing campaigns, canvassed for local elections, and even pursued an internship with a state senate campaign. I know that I don’t need to be old enough to vote to effect change. Most importantly, I also know that I want to study government—I want to make a difference for my communities in the United States and the Middle East throughout my career.

While this prompt is about extracurricular activities, it specifically references the idea that the extracurricular should support the curricular. It is focused on experiential learning for future career success. This student wants to study government, so they chose to describe an experience of hands-on learning within their field—an apt choice!

As this student discusses their extracurricular experience, they also clue readers into their future goals—they want to help Middle Eastern communities. Admissions officers love when students mention concrete plans with a solid foundation. Here, the foundation comes from this student’s ethnicity. With lines like “my whole life had led me to the moment when I could speak on behalf of the family members who had not emigrated with my parents,” the student assures admissions officers of their emotional connection to their future field.

The strength of this essay comes from its connections. It connects the student’s extracurricular activity to their studies and connects theirs studies to their personal history.

Overcoming Challenges

You’re going to face a lot of setbacks in college, so admissions officers want to make you’re you have the resilience and resolve to overcome them. This essay is your chance to be vulnerable and connect to admissions officers on an emotional level.

Learn more about how to write the Overcoming Challenges Essay in our guide.

The Student Becomes the Master

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay is great because it has a strong introduction and conclusion. The introduction is notably suspenseful and draws readers into the story. Because we know it is a college essay, we can assume that the student is one of the competitors, but at the same time, this introduction feels intentionally ambiguous as if the writer could be a competitor, a coach, a sibling of a competitor, or anyone else in the situation.

As we continue reading the essay, we learn that the writer is, in fact, the competitor. Readers also learn a lot about the student’s values as we hear their thoughts: “I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was.” Ultimately, the conflict and inner and outer turmoil is resolved through the “Same, but Different” ending technique as the student places themself in the same environment that we saw in the intro, but experiencing it differently due to their actions throughout the narrative. This is a very compelling strategy!

Growing Sensitivity to Struggles

Prompt: The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? (650 words)

“You ruined my life!” After months of quiet anger, my brother finally confronted me. To my shame, I had been appallingly ignorant of his pain.

Despite being twins, Max and I are profoundly different. Having intellectual interests from a young age that, well, interested very few of my peers, I often felt out of step in comparison with my highly-social brother. Everything appeared to come effortlessly for Max and, while we share an extremely tight bond, his frequent time away with friends left me feeling more and more alone as we grew older.

When my parents learned about The Green Academy, we hoped it would be an opportunity for me to find not only an academically challenging environment, but also – perhaps more importantly – a community. This meant transferring the family from Drumfield to Kingston. And while there was concern about Max, we all believed that given his sociable nature, moving would be far less impactful on him than staying put might be on me.

As it turned out, Green Academy was everything I’d hoped for. I was ecstatic to discover a group of students with whom I shared interests and could truly engage. Preoccupied with new friends and a rigorous course load, I failed to notice that the tables had turned. Max, lost in the fray and grappling with how to make connections in his enormous new high school, had become withdrawn and lonely. It took me until Christmas time – and a massive argument – to recognize how difficult the transition had been for my brother, let alone that he blamed me for it.

Through my own journey of searching for academic peers, in addition to coming out as gay when I was 12, I had developed deep empathy for those who had trouble fitting in. It was a pain I knew well and could easily relate to. Yet after Max’s outburst, my first response was to protest that our parents – not I – had chosen to move us here. In my heart, though, I knew that regardless of who had made the decision, we ended up in Kingston for my benefit. I was ashamed that, while I saw myself as genuinely compassionate, I had been oblivious to the heartache of the person closest to me. I could no longer ignore it – and I didn’t want to.

We stayed up half the night talking, and the conversation took an unexpected turn. Max opened up and shared that it wasn’t just about the move. He told me how challenging school had always been for him, due to his dyslexia, and that the ever-present comparison to me had only deepened his pain.

We had been in parallel battles the whole time and, yet, I only saw that Max was in distress once he experienced problems with which I directly identified. I’d long thought Max had it so easy – all because he had friends. The truth was, he didn’t need to experience my personal brand of sorrow in order for me to relate – he had felt plenty of his own.

My failure to recognize Max’s suffering brought home for me the profound universality and diversity of personal struggle; everyone has insecurities, everyone has woes, and everyone – most certainly – has pain. I am acutely grateful for the conversations he and I shared around all of this, because I believe our relationship has been fundamentally strengthened by a deeper understanding of one another. Further, this experience has reinforced the value of constantly striving for deeper sensitivity to the hidden struggles of those around me. I won’t make the mistake again of assuming that the surface of someone’s life reflects their underlying story.

Here you can find a prime example that you don’t have to have fabulous imagery or flowery prose to write a successful essay. You just have to be clear and say something that matters. This essay is simple and beautiful. It almost feels like having a conversation with a friend and learning that they are an even better person than you already thought they were.

Through this narrative, readers learn a lot about the writer—where they’re from, what their family life is like, what their challenges were as a kid, and even their sexuality. We also learn a lot about their values—notably, the value they place on awareness, improvement, and consideration of others. Though they never explicitly state it (which is great because it is still crystal clear!), this student’s ending of “I won’t make the mistake again of assuming that the surface of someone’s life reflects their underlying story” shows that they are constantly striving for improvement and finding lessons anywhere they can get them in life.

Community Service/Impact on the Community

Colleges want students who will positively impact the campus community and go on to make change in the world after they graduate. This essay is similar to the Extracurricular Essay, but you need to focus on a situation where you impacted others.

Learn more about how to write the Community Service Essay in our guide.

Academic Signing Day

Prompt: What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?

The scent of eucalyptus caressed my nose in a gentle breeze. Spring had arrived. Senior class activities were here. As a sophomore, I noticed a difference between athletic and academic seniors at my high school; one received recognition while the other received silence. I wanted to create an event celebrating students academically-committed to four-years, community colleges, trades schools, and military programs. This event was Academic Signing Day.

The leadership label, “Events Coordinator,” felt heavy on my introverted mind. I usually was setting up for rallies and spirit weeks, being overlooked around the exuberant nature of my peers.

I knew a change of mind was needed; I designed flyers, painted posters, presented powerpoints, created student-led committees, and practiced countless hours for my introductory speech. Each committee would play a vital role on event day: one dedicated to refreshments, another to technology, and one for decorations. The fourth-month planning was a laborious joy, but I was still fearful of being in the spotlight. Being acknowledged by hundreds of people was new to me.

The day was here. Parents filled the stands of the multi-purpose room. The atmosphere was tense; I could feel the angst building in my throat, worried about the impression I would leave. Applause followed each of the 400 students as they walked to their college table, indicating my time to speak.

I walked up to the stand, hands clammy, expression tranquil, my words echoing to the audience. I thought my speech would be met by the sounds of crickets; instead, smiles lit up the stands, realizing my voice shone through my actions. I was finally coming out of my shell. The floor was met by confetti as I was met by the sincerity of staff, students, and parents, solidifying the event for years to come.

Academic students were no longer overshadowed. Their accomplishments were equally recognized to their athletic counterparts. The school culture of athletics over academics was no longer imbalanced. Now, every time I smell eucalyptus, it is a friendly reminder that on Academic Signing Day, not only were academic students in the spotlight but so was my voice.

This essay answers the prompt nicely because the student describes a contribution with a lasting legacy. Academic Signing Day will affect this high school in the future and it affected this student’s self-development—an idea summed up nicely with their last phrase “not only were academic students in the spotlight but so was my voice.”

With Community Service essays, students sometimes take small contributions and stretch them. And, oftentimes, the stretch is very obvious. Here, the student shows us that Academic Signing Day actually mattered by mentioning four months of planning and hundreds of students and parents. They also make their involvement in Academic Signing Day clear—it was their idea and they were in charge, and that’s why they gave the introductory speech.

Use this response as an example of the type of focused contribution that makes for a convincing Community Service Essay.

Climate Change Rally

Prompt: What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time? (technically not community service, but the response works)

Let’s fast-forward time. Strides were made toward racial equality. Healthcare is accessible to all; however, one issue remains. Our aquatic ecosystems are parched with dead coral from ocean acidification. Climate change has prevailed.

Rewind to the present day.

My activism skills are how I express my concerns for the environment. Whether I play on sandy beaches or rest under forest treetops, nature offers me an escape from the haste of the world. When my body is met by trash in the ocean or my nose is met by harmful pollutants, Earth’s pain becomes my own.

Substituting coffee grinds as fertilizer, using bamboo straws, starting my sustainable garden, my individual actions needed to reach a larger scale. I often found performative activism to be ineffective when communicating climate concerns. My days of reposting awareness graphics on social media never filled the ambition I had left to put my activism skills to greater use. I decided to share my ecocentric worldview with a coalition of environmentalists and host a climate change rally outside my high school.

Meetings were scheduled where I informed students about the unseen impact they have on the oceans and local habitual communities. My fingers were cramped from all the constant typing and investigating of micro causes of the Pacific Waste Patch, creating reusable flyers, displaying steps people could take from home in reducing their carbon footprint. I aided my fellow environmentalists in translating these flyers into other languages, repeating this process hourly, for five days, up until rally day.

It was 7:00 AM. The faces of 100 students were shouting, “The climate is changing, why can’t we?” I proudly walked on the dewy grass, grabbing the microphone, repeating those same words. The rally not only taught me efficient methods of communication but it echoed my environmental activism to the masses. The City of Corona would be the first of many cities to see my activism, as more rallies were planned for various parts of SoCal. My once unfulfilled ambition was fueled by my tangible activism, understanding that it takes more than one person to make an environmental impact.

Like with the last example, this student describes a focused event with a lasting legacy. That’s a perfect place to start! By the end of this essay, we have an image of the cause of this student’s passion and the effect of this student’s passion. There are no unanswered questions.

This student supplements their focused topic with engaging and exciting writing to make for an easy-to-read and enjoyable essay. One of the largest strengths of this response is its pace. From the very beginning, we are invited to “fast-forward” and “rewind” with the writer. Then, after we center ourselves in real-time, this writer keeps their quick pace with sentences like “Substituting coffee grounds as fertilizer, using bamboo straws, starting my sustainable garden, my individual actions needed to reach a larger scale.” Community Service essays run the risk of turning boring, but this unique pacing keeps things interesting.

Having a diverse class provides a richness of different perspectives and encourages open-mindedness among the student body. The Diversity Essay is also somewhat similar to the Extracurricular and Community Service Essays, but it focuses more on what you might bring to the campus community because of your unique experiences or identities.

Learn more about how to write the Diversity Essay in our guide.

A Story of a Young Skater

“Everyone follow me!” I smiled at five wide-eyed skaters before pushing off into a spiral. I glanced behind me hopefully, only to see my students standing frozen like statues, the fear in their eyes as clear as the ice they swayed on. “Come on!” I said encouragingly, but the only response I elicited was the slow shake of their heads. My first day as a Learn-to-Skate coach was not going as planned.

But amid my frustration, I was struck by how much my students reminded me of myself as a young skater. At seven, I had been fascinated by Olympic performers who executed thrilling high jumps and dizzying spins with apparent ease, and I dreamed to one day do the same. My first few months on skates, however, sent these hopes crashing down: my attempts at slaloms and toe-loops were shadowed by a stubborn fear of falling, which even the helmet, elbow pads, and two pairs of mittens I had armed myself with couldn’t mitigate. Nonetheless, my coach remained unfailingly optimistic, motivating me through my worst spills and teaching me to find opportunities in failures. With his encouragement, I learned to push aside my fears and attack each jump with calm and confidence; it’s the hope that I can help others do the same that now inspires me to coach.

I remember the day a frustrated staff member directed Oliver, a particularly hesitant young skater, toward me, hoping that my patience and steady encouragement might help him improve. Having stood in Oliver’s skates not much earlier myself, I completely empathized with his worries but also saw within him the potential to overcome his fears and succeed.

To alleviate his anxiety, I held Oliver’s hand as we inched around the rink, cheering him on at every turn. I soon found though, that this only increased his fear of gliding on his own, so I changed my approach, making lessons as exciting as possible in hopes that he would catch the skating bug and take off. In the weeks that followed, we held relay races, played “freeze-skate” and “ice-potato”, and raced through obstacle courses; gradually, with each slip and subsequent success, his fear began to abate. I watched Oliver’s eyes widen in excitement with every skill he learned, and not long after, he earned his first skating badge. Together we celebrated this milestone, his ecstasy fueling my excitement and his pride mirroring my own. At that moment, I was both teacher and student, his progress instilling in me the importance of patience and a positive attitude.

It’s been more than ten years since I bundled up and stepped onto the ice for the first time. Since then, my tolerance for the cold has remained stubbornly low, but the rest of me has certainly changed. In sharing my passion for skating, I have found a wonderful community of eager athletes, loving parents, and dedicated coaches from whom I have learned invaluable lessons and wisdom. My fellow staffers have been with me, both as friends and colleagues, and the relationships I’ve formed have given me far more poise, confidence, and appreciation for others. Likewise, my relationships with parents have given me an even greater gratitude for the role they play: no one goes to the rink without a parent behind the wheel!

Since that first lesson, I have mentored dozens of children, and over the years, witnessed tentative steps transform into powerful glides and tears give way to delighted grins. What I have shared with my students has been among the greatest joys of my life, something I will cherish forever. It’s funny: when I began skating, what pushed me through the early morning practices was the prospect of winning an Olympic medal. Now, what excites me is the chance to work with my students, to help them grow, and to give back to the sport that has brought me so much happiness.

This response is a great example of how Diversity doesn’t have to mean race, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, age, or ability. Diversity can mean whatever you want it to mean—whatever unique experience(s) you have to bring to the table!

A major strength of this essay comes in its narrative organization. When reading this first paragraph, we feel for the young skaters and understand their fear—skating sounds scary! Then, because the writer sets us up to feel this empathy, the transition to the second paragraph where the student describes their empathy for the young skaters is particularly powerful. It’s like we are all in it together! The student’s empathy for the young skaters also serves as an outstanding, seamless transition to the applicant discussing their personal journey with skating: “I was struck by how much my students reminded me of myself as a young skater.”

This essay positions the applicant as a grounded and caring individual. They are caring towards the young skaters—changing their teaching style to try to help the young skaters and feeling the young skaters’ emotions with them—but they are also appreciative to those who helped them as they reference their fellow staffers and parents. This shows great maturity—a favorable quality in the eyes of an admissions officer.

At the end of the essay, we know a lot about this student and are convinced that they would be a good addition to a college campus!

Finding Community in the Rainforest

Prompt: Duke University seeks a talented, engaged student body that embodies the wide range of human experience; we believe that the diversity of our students makes our community stronger. If you’d like to share a perspective you bring or experiences you’ve had to help us understand you better—perhaps related to a community you belong to, your sexual orientation or gender identity, or your family or cultural background—we encourage you to do so. Real people are reading your application, and we want to do our best to understand and appreciate the real people applying to Duke (250 words).

I never understood the power of community until I left home to join seven strangers in the Ecuadorian rainforest. Although we flew in from distant corners of the U.S., we shared a common purpose: immersing ourselves in our passion for protecting the natural world.

Back home in my predominantly conservative suburb, my neighbors had brushed off environmental concerns. My classmates debated the feasibility of Trump’s wall, not the deteriorating state of our planet. Contrastingly, these seven strangers delighted in bird-watching, brightened at the mention of medicinal tree sap, and understood why I once ran across a four-lane highway to retrieve discarded beer cans. Their histories barely resembled mine, yet our values aligned intimately. We did not hesitate to joke about bullet ants, gush about the versatility of tree bark, or discuss the destructive consequences of materialism. Together, we let our inner tree huggers run free.

In the short life of our little community, we did what we thought was impossible. By feeding on each other’s infectious tenacity, we cultivated an atmosphere that deepened our commitment to our values and empowered us to speak out on behalf of the environment. After a week of stimulating conversations and introspective revelations about engaging people from our hometowns in environmental advocacy, we developed a shared determination to devote our lives to this cause.

As we shared a goodbye hug, my new friend whispered, “The world needs saving. Someone’s gotta do it.” For the first time, I believed that someone could be me.

This response is so wholesome and relatable. We all have things that we just need to geek out over and this student expresses the joy that came when they found a community where they could geek out about the environment. Passion is fundamental to university life and should find its way into successful applications.

Like the last response, this essay finds strength in the fact that readers feel for the student. We get a little bit of backstory about where they come from and how they felt silenced—“Back home in my predominantly conservative suburb, my neighbors had brushed off environmental concerns”—, so it’s easy to feel joy for them when they get set free.

This student displays clear values: community, ecoconsciousness, dedication, and compassion. An admissions officer who reads Diversity essays is looking for students with strong values and a desire to contribute to a university community—sounds like this student!

Political/Global Issues

Colleges want to build engaged citizens, and the Political/Global Issues Essay allows them to better understand what you care about and whether your values align with theirs. In this essay, you’re most commonly asked to describe an issue, why you care about it, and what you’ve done or hope to do to address it.

Learn more about how to write the Political/Global Issues Essay in our guide.

Note: this prompt is not a typical political/global issues essay, but the essay itself would be a strong response to a political/global issues prompt.

Fighting Violence Against Women

Prompt: Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation, title and author at the beginning of your essay. (250-650 words)

“One of the great challenges of our time is that the disparities we face today have more complex causes and point less straightforwardly to solutions.”

– Omar Wasow, assistant professor of politics, Princeton University. This quote is taken from Professor Wasow’s January 2014 speech at the Martin Luther King Day celebration at Princeton University.

The air is crisp and cool, nipping at my ears as I walk under a curtain of darkness that drapes over the sky, starless. It is a Friday night in downtown Corpus Christi, a rare moment of peace in my home city filled with the laughter of strangers and colorful lights of street vendors. But I cannot focus.

My feet stride quickly down the sidewalk, my hand grasps on to the pepper spray my parents gifted me for my sixteenth birthday. My eyes ignore the surrounding city life, focusing instead on a pair of tall figures walking in my direction. I mentally ask myself if they turned with me on the last street corner. I do not remember, so I pick up the pace again. All the while, my mind runs over stories of young women being assaulted, kidnapped, and raped on the street. I remember my mother’s voice reminding me to keep my chin up, back straight, eyes and ears alert.

At a young age, I learned that harassment is a part of daily life for women. I fell victim to period-shaming when I was thirteen, received my first catcall when I was fourteen, and was nonconsensually grabbed by a man soliciting on the street when I was fifteen. For women, assault does not just happen to us— its gory details leave an imprint in our lives, infecting the way we perceive the world. And while movements such as the Women’s March and #MeToo have given victims of sexual violence a voice, harassment still manifests itself in the lives of millions of women across the nation. Symbolic gestures are important in spreading awareness but, upon learning that a surprising number of men are oblivious to the frequent harassment that women experience, I now realize that addressing this complex issue requires a deeper level of activism within our local communities.

Frustrated with incessant cases of harassment against women, I understood at sixteen years old that change necessitates action. During my junior year, I became an intern with a judge whose campaign for office focused on a need for domestic violence reform. This experience enabled me to engage in constructive dialogue with middle and high school students on how to prevent domestic violence. As I listened to young men uneasily admit their ignorance and young women bravely share their experiences in an effort to spread awareness, I learned that breaking down systems of inequity requires changing an entire culture. I once believed that the problem of harassment would dissipate after politicians and celebrities denounce inappropriate behavior to their global audience. But today, I see that effecting large-scale change comes from the “small” lessons we teach at home and in schools. Concerning women’s empowerment, the effects of Hollywood activism do not trickle down enough. Activism must also trickle up and it depends on our willingness to fight complacency.

Finding the solution to the long-lasting problem of violence against women is a work-in-progress, but it is a process that is persistently moving. In my life, for every uncomfortable conversation that I bridge, I make the world a bit more sensitive to the unspoken struggle that it is to be a woman. I am no longer passively waiting for others to let me live in a world where I can stand alone under the expanse of darkness on a city street, utterly alone and at peace. I, too, deserve the night sky.

As this student addresses an important social issue, she makes the reasons for her passion clear—personal experiences. Because she begins with an extended anecdote, readers are able to feel connected to the student and become invested in what she has to say.

Additionally, through her powerful ending—“I, too, deserve the night sky”—which connects back to her beginning— “as I walk under a curtain of darkness that drapes over the sky”—this student illustrates a mastery of language. Her engagement with other writing techniques that further her argument, like the emphasis on time—“gifted to me for my sixteenth birthday,” “when I was thirteen,” “when I was fourteen,” etc.—also illustrates her mastery of language.

While this student proves herself a good writer, she also positions herself as motivated and ambitious. She turns her passions into action and fights for them. That is just what admissions officers want to see in a Political/Global issues essay!

Where to Get Feedback on Your College Essays

Once you’ve written your college essays, you’ll want to get feedback on them. Since these essays are important to your chances of acceptance, you should prepare to go through several rounds of edits.

Not sure who to ask for feedback? That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review resource. You can get comments from another student going through the process and also edit other students’ essays to improve your own writing.

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

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College Essay Examples | What Works and What Doesn’t

College Essay Examples | What Works and What Doesn't

Published on November 8, 2021 by Kirsten Courault . Revised on August 14, 2023.

One effective method for improving your college essay is to read example essays . Here are three sample essays, each with a bad and good version to help you improve your own essay.

Essay 1: sharing an identity or background through a montage, essay 2: overcoming a challenge, a sports injury narrative, essay 3: showing the influence of an important person or thing, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about college application essays.

This essay uses a montage structure to show snapshots of a student’s identity and background. The writer builds her essay around the theme of the five senses, sharing memories she associates with sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste.

In the weak rough draft, there is little connection between the individual anecdotes, and they do not robustly demonstrate the student’s qualities.

In the final version, the student uses an extended metaphor of a museum to create a strong connection among her stories, each showcasing a different part of her identity. She draws a specific personal insight from each memory and uses the stories to demonstrate her qualities and values.

How My Five Senses Record My Life

Throughout my life, I have kept a record of my life’s journey with my five senses. This collection of memories matters a great deal because I experience life every day through the lens of my identity.

“Chinese! Japanese!”

My classmate pulls one eye up and the other down.

“Look what my parents did to me!”

No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention to my discomfort, anger, and shame. How could he say such a mean thing about me? What did I do to him? Joseph’s words would engrave themselves into my memory, making me question my appearance every time I saw my eyes in the mirror.

Soaking in overflowing bubble baths with Andrew Lloyd Webber belting from the boombox.

Listening to “Cell Block Tango” with my grandparents while eating filet mignon at a dine-in show in Ashland.

Singing “The Worst Pies in London” at a Korean karaoke club while laughing hysterically with my brother, who can do an eerily spot-on rendition of Sweeney Todd.

Taking car rides with Mom in the Toyota Sequoia as we compete to hit the high note in “Think of Me” from The Phantom of the Opera . Neither of us stands a chance!

The sweet scent of vegetables, Chinese noodles, and sushi wafts through the room as we sit around the table. My grandma presents a good-smelling mixture of international cuisine for our Thanksgiving feast. My favorite is the Chinese food that she cooks. Only the family prayer stands between me and the chance to indulge in these delicious morsels, comforting me with their familiar savory scents.

I rinse a faded plastic plate decorated by my younger sister at the Waterworks Art Center. I wear yellow rubber gloves to protect my hands at Mom’s insistence, but I can still feel the warm water that offers a bit of comfort as I finish the task at hand. The crusted casserole dish with stubborn remnants from my dad’s five-layer lasagna requires extra effort, so I fill it with Dawn and scalding water, setting it aside to soak. I actually don’t mind this daily chore.

I taste sweat on my upper lip as I fight to continue pedaling on a stationary bike. Ava’s next to me and tells me to go up a level. We’re biking buddies, dieting buddies, and Saturday morning carbo-load buddies. After the bike display hits 30 minutes, we do a five-minute cool down, drink Gatorade, and put our legs up to rest.

My five senses are always gathering new memories of my identity. I’m excited to expand my collection.

Word count: 455

College essay checklist

Topic and structure

I’ve selected a topic that’s meaningful to me.
My essay reveals something different from the rest of my application.
I have a clear and well-structured narrative.
I’ve concluded with an insight or a creative ending.

Writing style and tone

I’ve crafted an introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.
I’ve written my essay in a way that shows instead of tells.
I’ve used appropriate style and tone for a college essay.
I’ve used specific, vivid personal stories that would be hard to replicate.
I’ve demonstrated my positive traits and values in my essay.
My essay is focused on me, not another person or thing.
I’ve included self-reflection and insight in my essay.
I’ve respected the word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

Making Sense of My Identity

Welcome to The Rose Arimoto Museum. You are about to enter the “Making Sense of My Identity” collection. Allow me to guide you through select exhibits, carefully curated memories from Rose’s sensory experiences.

First, the Sight Exhibit.

“Chinese! Japanese!”

“Look what my parents did to me!”

No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention as my lip trembles and palms sweat. Joseph couldn’t have known how his words would engrave themselves into my memory, making me question my appearance every time I saw my eyes in the mirror.

Ten years later, these same eyes now fixate on an InDesign layout sheet, searching for grammar errors while my friend Selena proofreads our feature piece on racial discrimination in our hometown. As we’re the school newspaper editors, our journalism teacher Ms. Riley allows us to stay until midnight to meet tomorrow’s deadline. She commends our work ethic, which for me is fueled by writing一my new weapon of choice.

Next, you’ll encounter the Sound Exhibit.

Still, the world is my Broadway as I find my voice on stage.

Just below, enter the Smell Exhibit.

While I help my Pau Pau prepare dinner, she divulges her recipe for cha siu bau, with its soft, pillowy white exterior hiding the fragrant filling of braised barbecue pork inside. The sweet scent of candied yams, fun see , and Spam musubi wafts through the room as we gather around our Thankgsiving feast. After our family prayer, we indulge in these delicious morsels until our bellies say stop. These savory scents of my family’s cultural heritage linger long after I’ve finished the last bite.

Next up, the Touch Exhibit.

I rinse a handmade mug that I had painstakingly molded and painted in ceramics class. I wear yellow rubber gloves to protect my hands at Mom’s insistence, but I can still feel the warm water that offers a bit of comfort as I finish the task at hand. The crusted casserole dish with stubborn remnants from my dad’s five-layer lasagna requires extra effort, so I fill it with Dawn and scalding water, setting it aside to soak. For a few fleeting moments, as I continue my nightly chore, the pressure of my weekend job, tomorrow’s calculus exam, and next week’s track meet are washed away.

Finally, we end with the Taste Exhibit.

My legs fight to keep pace with the stationary bike as the salty taste of sweat seeps into corners of my mouth. Ava challenges me to take it up a level. We always train together一even keeping each other accountable on our strict protein diet of chicken breasts, broccoli, and Muscle Milk. We occasionally splurge on Saturday mornings after interval training, relishing the decadence of everything bagels smeared with raspberry walnut cream cheese. But this is Wednesday, so I push myself. I know that once the digital display hits 30:00, we’ll allow our legs to relax into a five-minute cool down, followed by the fiery tang of Fruit Punch Gatorade to rehydrate.

Thank you for your attention. This completes our tour. I invite you to rejoin us for next fall’s College Experience collection, which will exhibit Rose’s continual search for identity and learning.

Word count: 649

I’ve crafted an essay introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.

Prevent plagiarism. Run a free check.

This essay uses a narrative structure to recount how a student overcame a challenge, specifically a sports injury. Since this topic is often overused, the essay requires vivid description, a memorable introduction and conclusion , and interesting insight.

The weak rough draft contains an interesting narrative, insight, and vivid imagery, but it has an overly formal tone that distracts the reader from the story. The student’s use of elaborate vocabulary in every sentence makes the essay sound inauthentic and stilted.

The final essay uses a more natural, conversational tone and chooses words that are vivid and specific without being pretentious. This allows the reader to focus on the narrative and appreciate the student’s unique insight.

One fateful evening some months ago, a defensive linebacker mauled me, his 212 pounds indisputably alighting upon my ankle. Ergo, an abhorrent cracking of calcified tissue. At first light the next day, I awoke cognizant of a new paradigm—one sans football—promulgated by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.

It’s been an exceedingly taxing semester not being able to engage in football, but I am nonetheless excelling in school. That twist of fate never would have come to pass if I hadn’t broken my ankle. I still limp down the halls at school, but I’m feeling less maudlin these days. My friends don’t steer clear anymore, and I have a lot more of them. My teachers, emboldened by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best. Football is still on hold, but I feel like I’m finally playing a game that matters.

Five months ago, right after my ill-fated injury, my friends’ demeanor became icy and remote, although I couldn’t fathom why. My teachers, in contrast, beckoned me close and invited me on a new learning journey. But despite their indubitably kind advances, even they recoiled when I drew near.

A few weeks later, I started to change my attitude vis-à-vis my newfound situation and determined to put my energy toward productive ends (i.e., homework). I wasn’t enamored with school. I never had been. Nevertheless, I didn’t abhor it either. I just preferred football.

My true turn of fate came when I started studying more and participating in class. I started to enjoy history class, and I grew interested in reading more. I discovered a volume of poems written by a fellow adventurer on the road of life, and I loved it. I ravenously devoured everything in the writer’s oeuvre .

As the weeks flitted past, I found myself spending my time with a group of people who were quite different from me. They participated in theater and played instruments in marching band. They raised their hands in class when the teacher posed a question. Because of their auspicious influence, I started raising my hand too. I am no longer vapid, and I now have something to say.

I am certain that your school would benefit from my miraculous academic transformation, and I entreat you to consider my application to your fine institution. Accepting me to your university would be an unequivocally righteous decision.

Word count: 408

I’ve chosen a college essay topic that’s meaningful to me.
I’ve respected the essay word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

As I step out of bed, the pain shoots through my foot and up my leg like it has every morning since “the game.” That night, a defensive linebacker tackled me, his 212 pounds landing decidedly on my ankle. I heard the sound before I felt it. The next morning, I awoke to a new reality—one without football—announced by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.

My broken ankle broke my spirit.

My friends steered clear of me as I hobbled down the halls at school. My teachers tried to find the delicate balance between giving me space and offering me help. I was as unsure how to deal with myself as they were.

In time, I figured out how to redirect some of my frustration, anger, and pent-up energy toward my studies. I had never not liked school, but I had never really liked it either. In my mind, football practice was my real-life classroom, where I could learn all I ever needed to know.

Then there was that day in Mrs. Brady’s history class. We sang a ridiculous-sounding mnemonic song to memorize all the Chinese dynasties from Shang to Qing. I mumbled the words at first, but I got caught up in the middle of the laughter and began singing along. Starting that day, I began browsing YouTube videos about history, curious to learn more. I had started learning something new, and, to my surprise, I liked it.

With my afternoons free from burpees and scrimmages, I dared to crack open a few more of my books to see what was in them. That’s when my English poetry book, Paint Me Like I Am , caught my attention. It was full of poems written by students my age from WritersCorps. I couldn’t get enough.

I wasn’t the only one who was taken with the poems. Previously, I’d only been vaguely aware of Christina as one of the weird kids I avoided. Crammed in the margins of her high-top Chuck Taylors were scribbled lines of her own poetry and infinite doodles. Beyond her punk rock persona was a sensitive artist, puppy-lover, and environmental activist that a wide receiver like me would have never noticed before.

With Christina, I started making friends with people who once would have been invisible to me: drama geeks, teachers’ pets, band nerds. Most were college bound but not to play a sport. They were smart and talented, and they cared about people and politics and all sorts of issues that I hadn’t considered before. Strangely, they also seemed to care about me.

I still limp down the halls at school, but I don’t seem to mind as much these days. My friends don’t steer clear anymore, and I have a lot more of them. My teachers, excited by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best. Football is still on hold, but I feel like I’m finally playing a game that matters.

My broken ankle broke my spirit. Then, it broke my ignorance.

Word count: 512

This essay uses a narrative structure to show how a pet positively influenced the student’s values and character.

In the weak draft, the student doesn’t focus on himself, instead delving into too much detail about his dog’s positive traits and his grandma’s illness. The essay’s structure is meandering, with tangents and details that don’t communicate any specific insight.

In the improved version, the student keeps the focus on himself, not his pet. He chooses the most relevant stories to demonstrate specific qualities, and the structure more clearly builds up to an insightful conclusion.

Man’s Best Friend

I desperately wanted a cat. I begged my parents for one, but once again, my sisters overruled me, so we drove up the Thompson Valley Canyon from Loveland to Estes Park to meet our newest family member. My sisters had already hatched their master plan, complete with a Finding Nemo blanket to entice the pups. The blanket was a hit with all of them, except for one—the one who walked over and sat in my lap. That was the day that Francisco became a Villanova.

Maybe I should say he was mine because I got stuck with all the chores. As expected, my dog-loving sisters were nowhere to be found! My mom was “extra” with all the doggy gear. Cisco even had to wear these silly little puppy shoes outside so that when he came back in, he wouldn’t get the carpets dirty. If it was raining, my mother insisted I dress Cisco in a ridiculous yellow raincoat, but, in my opinion, it was an unnecessary source of humiliation for poor Cisco. It didn’t take long for Cisco to decide that his outerwear could be used as toys in a game of Keep Away. As soon as I took off one of his shoes, he would run away with it, hiding under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. But, he seemed to appreciate his ensemble more when we had to walk through snowdrifts to get his job done.

When my abuela was dying from cancer, we went in the middle of the night to see her before she passed. I was sad and scared. But, my dad let me take Cisco in the car, so Cisco cuddled with me and made me feel much better. It’s like he could read my mind. Once we arrived at the hospital, the fluorescent lighting made the entire scene seem unreal, as if I was watching the scene unfold through someone else’s eyes. My grandma lay calmly on her bed, smiling at us even through her last moments of pain. I disliked seeing the tubes and machines hooked up to her. It was unnatural to see her like this一it was so unlike the way I usually saw her beautiful in her flowery dress, whistling a Billie Holiday tune and baking snickerdoodle cookies in the kitchen. The hospital didn’t usually allow dogs, but they made a special exception to respect my grandma’s last wishes that the whole family be together. Cisco remained at the foot of the bed, intently watching abuela with a silence that seemed more effective at communicating comfort and compassion than the rest of us who attempted to offer up words of comfort that just seemed hollow and insincere. It was then that I truly appreciated Cisco’s empathy for others.

As I accompanied my dad to pick up our dry cleaner’s from Ms. Chapman, a family friend asked, “How’s Cisco?” before even asking about my sisters or me. Cisco is the Villanova family mascot, a Goldendoodle better recognized by strangers throughout Loveland than the individual members of my family.

On our summer trip to Boyd Lake State Park, we stayed at the Cottonwood campground for a breathtaking view of the lake. Cisco was allowed to come, but we had to keep him on a leash at all times. After a satisfying meal of fish, our entire family walked along the beach. Cisco and I led the way while my mom and sisters shuffled behind. Cisco always stopped and refused to move, looking back to make sure the others were still following. Once satisfied that everyone was together, he would turn back around and continue prancing with his golden boy curly locks waving in the chilly wind.

On the beach, Cisco “accidentally” got let off his leash and went running maniacally around the sand, unfettered and free. His pure joy as he raced through the sand made me forget about my AP Chem exam or my student council responsibilities. He brings a smile not only to my family members but everyone around him.

Cisco won’t live forever, but without words, he has impressed upon me life lessons of responsibility, compassion, loyalty, and joy. I can’t imagine life without him.

Word count: 701

I quickly figured out that as “the chosen one,” I had been enlisted by Cisco to oversee all aspects of his “business.” I learned to put on Cisco’s doggie shoes to keep the carpet clean before taking him out一no matter the weather. Soon after, Cisco decided that his shoes could be used as toys in a game of Keep Away. As soon as I removed one of his shoes, he would run away with it, hiding under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. But, he seemed to appreciate his footwear more after I’d gear him up and we’d tread through the snow for his daily walks.

One morning, it was 7:15 a.m., and Alejandro was late again to pick me up. “Cisco, you don’t think he overslept again, do you?” Cisco barked, as if saying, “Of course he did!” A text message would never do, so I called his dad, even if it was going to get him in trouble. There was no use in both of us getting another tardy during our first-period class, especially since I was ready on time after taking Cisco for his morning outing. Alejandro was mad at me but not too much. He knew I had helped him out, even if he had to endure his dad’s lecture on punctuality.

Another early morning, I heard my sister yell, “Mom! Where are my good ballet flats? I can’t find them anywhere!” I hesitated and then confessed, “I moved them.” She shrieked at me in disbelief, but I continued, “I put them in your closet, so Cisco wouldn’t chew them up.” More disbelief. However, this time, there was silence instead of shrieking.

Last spring, Cisco and I were fast asleep when the phone rang at midnight. Abuela would not make it through the night after a long year of chemo, but she was in Pueblo, almost three hours away. Sitting next to me for that long car ride on I-25 in pitch-black darkness, Cisco knew exactly what I needed and snuggled right next to me as I petted his coat in a rhythm while tears streamed down my face. The hospital didn’t usually allow dogs, but they made a special exception to respect my grandma’s last wishes that the whole family be together. Cisco remained sitting at the foot of the hospital bed, intently watching abuela with a silence that communicated more comfort than our hollow words. Since then, whenever I sense someone is upset, I sit in silence with them or listen to their words, just like Cisco did.

The other day, one of my friends told me, “You’re a strange one, Josue. You’re not like everybody else but in a good way.” I didn’t know what he meant at first. “You know, you’re super responsible and grown-up. You look out for us instead of yourself. Nobody else does that.” I was a bit surprised because I wasn’t trying to do anything different. I was just being me. But then I realized who had taught me: a fluffy little puppy who I had wished was a cat! I didn’t choose Cisco, but he certainly chose me and, unexpectedly, became my teacher, mentor, and friend.

Word count: 617

If you want to know more about academic writing , effective communication , or parts of speech , make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples.

Academic writing

Writing process
Transition words
Passive voice
Paraphrasing

Communication

How to end an email
Ms, mrs, miss
How to start an email
I hope this email finds you well
Hope you are doing well

Parts of speech

Personal pronouns
Conjunctions

A standout college essay has several key ingredients:

A unique, personally meaningful topic
A memorable introduction with vivid imagery or an intriguing hook
Specific stories and language that show instead of telling
Vulnerability that’s authentic but not aimed at soliciting sympathy
Clear writing in an appropriate style and tone
A conclusion that offers deep insight or a creative ending

There are no set rules for how to structure a college application essay , but these are two common structures that work:

A montage structure, a series of vignettes with a common theme.
A narrative structure, a single story that shows your personal growth or how you overcame a challenge.

Avoid the five-paragraph essay structure that you learned in high school.

Though admissions officers are interested in hearing your story, they’re also interested in how you tell it. An exceptionally written essay will differentiate you from other applicants, meaning that admissions officers will spend more time reading it.

You can use literary devices to catch your reader’s attention and enrich your storytelling; however, focus on using just a few devices well, rather than trying to use as many as possible.

Most importantly, your essay should be about you , not another person or thing. An insightful college admissions essay requires deep self-reflection, authenticity, and a balance between confidence and vulnerability.

Your essay shouldn’t be a résumé of your experiences but instead should tell a story that demonstrates your most important values and qualities.

When revising your college essay , first check for big-picture issues regarding message, flow, tone, style , and clarity. Then, focus on eliminating grammar and punctuation errors.

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Senior Essay

The senior essay for economics majors is optional. However, the senior essay is required for consideration for Distinction in the Major. Most students who write a senior essay find it immensely rewarding and consider it one of their best experiences at Yale.

Senior essays are an opportunity for students to engage in independent, original economic research. Essays are not reviews of the literature, rather they are an examination of an hypothesis using the tools of economics. In particular, the essay must contain original research and/or analysis. They can be theoretical, empirical or computational. The senior essays that receive A’s and are awarded prizes are typically those that use economics tools (and, where appropriate, data) to offer fresh insights on questions. Topics are as diverse as recording and analyzing the behavior of black jack players, the effect of charter schools on student performance, the effect of China’s development on trade, the effect of the Fed on the stock market…. Examples of past essays are available on the department website .

See below for a guide written by thesis writers in the class of 2023.

There are no page requirements or formatting requirements for senior essays in economics. Advice regarding bibliographies, graphs, etc. should be given by your advisor. Generally, essays run about 30 pages.

Senior essay writers may receive a maximum of $500 for legitimate research expenses, provided the student has made a good-faith effort to obtain funding from Yale College. There are many funding opportunities available for research which can be found here: https://funding.yale.edu/find-funding/class-year#toc2 . Funding requests are reviewed on a case-by-case basis and must be approved by the DUS and Chair.

NOTE: Students must take two econometrics courses (or ECON 135 plus one econometrics course) in order to write a senior essay. The second econometrics course can be taken Cr/D/F for the purposes of the senior essay (but in this case it will not count toward the major requirements). The second econometrics course can be taken in the fall of senior year. 400-level applied econometrics courses (which currently include ECON 419, 438 and 439) qualify.

Undergraduate Program
Requirements
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Related Course Credit
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Forms and Documents
Frequently Asked Questions
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Peer Mentors
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Women in Economics

Senior essays can be 1-term or 2-term essays. The difference between a 1-term and a 2-term essay is that the 2-term essay is broader in scope and/or goes in greater depth. Most economics majors do 2-term essays. Please note that a 1-term essay cannot be done in the spring term of your senior year.

Senior essays can be done in one of several ways:

1-Term Essays

Enroll in Econ 491 in the fall of your senior year.

2-Term Essays

Enroll in Econ 491 and Econ 492
Expand a term paper from a fall-term seminar in your senior year and enroll in Econ 492 ( depends on availability of seminar instructor for both semesters )

For the class of 2025

Enroll in Econ 491 ( not necessary if you are doing a senior essay out of a fall seminar)
Choose an advisor and a topic. You should refer to the Potential Advisors webpage for help finding an advisor who is available and is appropriate for your topic. If you have difficulty finding an advisor, see the ECON 491 instructor or the DUS for suggestions. There are many economics faculty members who may be ideal advisors for your topic. Students may also choose a campus economist from outside of the department. (Permission of the DUS required to choose a non-economist adviser.) In order to do an essay out of a fall seminar, you need the seminar professor to agree to be your advisor (for both semesters in the case of a 2-term essay).
Meet with your advisor regularly. It is the student’s responsibility to make sure that these regular meetings occur.
Submit a “Senior Essay Prospectus” on or before Monday, September 30, 2024 by 4:30 pm. The prospectus must be signed by your advisor. All students planning to write a senior essay must hand in a prospectus at this time. Failure to do so results in your not being permitted to write an essay. A late prospectus will not be accepted without a Dean’s note.
Students enrolled in a 2-term essay must submit a written progress report to their advisor on Wednesday, November 6, 2024. For essays involving substantial data collection and statistical analysis, a description of the research question and the data that has been gathered for analysis may be appropriate. For others, a portion of the essay itself or a detailed outline describing the thesis question, existing literature, and planned method of analysis is suitable. Based on this report, your advisor will be asked to give you a temporary grade of satisfactory or not satisfactory for the fall term. This temporary grade will be replaced by the final grade on your senior essay in April.
You are allowed to switch advisor, with DUS permission, but no later than the progress report due date . In this case you need to submit a new prospectus form signed by the new advisor by the progress report due date .
A student who wishes to change a 1-term essay to a 2-term essay must get permission from the advisor and the DUS prior to the Thanksgiving break. To convert, a student must have made satisfactory progress on the essay by that time. No conversions will be allowed after Thanksgiving.
1-term senior essays are due to your advisor on Wednesday, December 4, 2024 by 4:30 pm. The advisor will evaluate and grade the paper, which will be your grade for the course. The grade and evaluation will be used for determination of distinction and departmental prizes. A final version of the 1-term senior essay must be submitted on or before Wednesday, April 2, 2025 by 4:30 pm via email to Maria Volonte, Undergraduate Registrar, at [email protected] for grading by the outside anonymous reader. Late essays will be accepted only with a Dean’s Extension. Essays that are submitted late without a Dean's Extension will receive a grade penalty (which will grow with the length of the delay).
Note: students doing the 1-term essay may continue to make additional revisions beyond the fall term before the April due date. Please bear in mind, however, that advisors of 1-term essays may have other commitments and are not obligated to advise you beyond the fall term.

Spring 2025

For students doing 2-term essays, enroll in Econ 492b.
2-term senior essays must be submitted on or before Wednesday, April 2, 2024 at 4:30 pm via email to Maria Volonte, Undergraduate Registrar, at [email protected] . Late essays will be accepted only with a Dean’s Extension. Essays that are submitted after the deadline without a Dean's Extension will receive a grade penalty (which will grow with the length of the delay).
Advisor’s Reports with grades and comments and Reader’s Reports with grades and comments are usually available by the end of reading week in the Economics Undergraduate Registrar’s Office.

Hi Juniors, If you are reading this guide, this means (we hope) that you’re considering writing a senior essay in economics! Writing an economics thesis is an incredibly fulfilling experience, and we hope that if you feel prepared, you write one! To help clarify the process and give advice, the Economics Peer Mentors from the 2022-2023 academic year have made an updated version of this guide from the Class of 2021 that was created by Alya Ahmed and Lara Varela Gajewski, with responses from the Class of 2023.

Link to Class of 2023 Guide

Best of luck, Sarah Moon ‘23, Economics & Mathematics Ayumi Sudo ‘23, Economics

Some Takeaways:

Most seniors, including all seniors that responded to our survey, wrote a two-term thesis.

Seniors wrote essays on topics in:

Labor economics
Macroeconomics
Econometrics
Behavioral economics
Public economics
Environmental economics
...and more

Advisors were chosen from:

Herb Scarf RA and Tobin RA positions
Classes taken in junior year or in the fall semester senior seminars
Recommended by other professors/ECON 491 TA's
Cold emailing

Econ thesis advisors are from:

Yale Economics Department
Yale School of Management
Yale School of Environment
...and more

Topics were inspired by:

Personal interests
Previously taken classes
Summer research work
Interesting data sets

Economics 491 counts as a 400 level, senior requirement course. Economics 492 counts as an elective.

Students writing a one-semester essay out of Economics 491 will receive a letter grade at the end of the fall semester based on the quality of their senior thesis. Students writing a one-semester essay out of a senior seminar will only receive a grade for the seminar on their transcript. They will not see their senior essay grade on their transcript, but it will be recorded by the department for distinction purposes. Students writing a two-semester essay by taking 491 and 492, will receive a temporary 491 grade (Satisfactory/Unsatisfactory) at the end of the fall semester. That grade will be replaced by a letter grade given for 491 and 492 based on the quality of the senior essay. Students who write a two-semester essay by taking a seminar and then 492 will receive a grade based on the requirements of the seminar in the fall. In the spring they will receive a grade for 492 based on the quality of the senior essay. Your senior essay will be graded by your advisor.

To qualify for distinction, a senior must receive a grade of A or A- from their advisor on the senior essay and have 3/4 of their economics grades be A’s or A-’s. For the purpose of distinction economics grades include related course credit, but do not include introductory microeconomics, introductory macroeconomics, the math requirement nor courses taken outside of Yale.

Senior Essay Course Lecturer:

Rebecca Toseland will be the Fall 2024 lecturer for The Senior Essay (Econ 491a) course.

Lecturer and TF office hours are by appointment only. Schedule a time on office hours sign-up sheet below.

Senior Essay TF:

Carles Aulés-Blancher will be the Fall 2024 TF for The Senior Essay (Econ 491a) course.

Office Hours Sign-up Sheet

Lecturer and TF office hours are by appointment only. Schedule a time on this sign-up sheet (must be signed-in with Eli Apps to view and edit).

If you would like to request an appointment at a different time, please email the Lecturer or TF.

Senior Essay Prizes

Essays will also be read by an anonymous economics department faculty member. Only the advisor’s grade will appear on the transcript. However, both the advisor and the anonymous readers must nominate an essay for that essay to move on to the awards committee.

Three or more prizes for outstanding senior essays are awarded each year by the economics undergraduate prize committee. The Charles Heber Dickerman Memorial Prize is awarded for the best senior essay; the Ronald Meltzer/Cornelia Awdziewicz Economic Award is awarded for one or two more outstanding senior essays and the Ellington Prize is awarded for one or more outstanding essays in the field of finance.

Senior Essays Nominated for Prizes

Women in Economics 2021 Senior Thesis Spotlight

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The Senior Essay or Senior Thesis

Every student who completes the major in Comparative Studies writes a senior essay or a thesis. The essay or the thesis is completed in CS 4990, “Senior Seminar,” a writing workshop offered every Spring in which students share drafts, present their work orally, and receive detailed feedback from their peers.

You may choose between two options:

The Senior Essay , usually between 12 to 15 pages, written largely during the semester you take CS 4990, though often building on earlier class work.
The Senior Thesis , which requires a semester of CS 4999 or 4999H (usually taken autumn of senior year; that is, ideally before the spring term you plan to graduate), “Undergraduate Thesis” or “Honors Thesis,” working closely with a professor who you select to serve as advisor to your thesis. This option is usually between 25 to 40 pages. Students who choose to write a Senior Thesis may plan to fulfill the requirements for either “Research Distinction” or “Honors Research Distinction" . Details on these options are offered below.

Whichever is chosen, the senior research project serves as a capstone experience for students in the major, and results in a piece of original work that can be shared with the Comparative Studies community. The essay or thesis may also be valuable as a writing sample if students apply to graduate or professional schools, or pursue a wide range of careers that value individual initiative and effective communication.

The Process: What You Need to Know to Get Started

Both the senior essay and the thesis require some advance planning, though the timeline for the thesis is typically longer. If you choose to write the senior essay, you should have selected a paper to revise and expand, or else identified a topic for a new research paper, no later than the semester before you enroll in COMPSTD 4990. You will need to submit your draft or proposal for a first round of peer review early in Spring semester.

If you choose to write the thesis, you should have identified a topic and an advisor by the start of Autumn term of your senior year (some students choose a topic in the Spring of junior year and begin work in the summer) so you can enroll in COMPSTD 4999/4999H and begin your research.

In either case, take note that prior to enrolling in COMPSTD 4990, you'll have already taken the required 4000-level course (all of which require the completion of a research paper). The research paper written for that course often provides / may provide the paper that you choose to use for the senior essay or the senior thesis option.

Whether you write the senior essay or the thesis, nothing is more important than the choice of a topic. It should be something that engages you, that sparks your curiosity or imagination, and that has stakes that matter to you. But it should also be a topic of manageable scale, one that can adequately be explored in the time available to you. Your faculty advisor can help you to shape your project at the outset, and to make any necessary adjustments along the way.

No formal advisor is required for the senior essay. If you choose to revise and expand an earlier paper (such as the one you would have written for your 4000-level research course), you may want to reconnect with the instructor for whom you wrote the original. They may be willing to serve as an informal advisor as you undertake your revisions. If choosing a new topic, you may wish to speak with a professor in the department or on our affiliated faculty with expertise in the subject matter. Each of you also has your own faculty advisor with whom you can confer, as well as the professor who will be teaching COMPSTD 4990.

If you write a thesis you must have a formal thesis advisor; you may also elect to have a co-advisor. They will supervise any thesis research courses you take (COMPSTD 4999), the writing of the thesis itself, and the oral exam at the end of the process. This might be the same person as your faculty advisor but it need not be. You should choose someone with whom you are comfortable (usually because you have been in a class together before) and who has enough knowledge of the subject matter to guide your work. You may wish to speak informally with more than one professor before making a final decision.

Senior Essay or Thesis?

If you choose to write the senior essay you will complete most of the work of research and writing during the Spring semester of your senior year, while enrolled in CS 4990, “Senior Seminar.” You may either revise and expand a paper you wrote for another course (usually, but not always, a course in Comparative Studies), or begin and complete a research paper on a new topic. Senior essays vary in length, but are typically around 12–15 pages (and sometimes longer if they are expanded versions of earlier essays).

If you who choose to write a thesis you will typically begin working on it during the Autumn semester of senior year (and sometimes during the preceding summer) by enrolling in CS 4999 or 4999H (“Undergraduate Thesis” or “Honors Thesis”). You will then complete the writing while enrolled in CS 4990, “Senior Seminar.” Theses vary considerably in length, but are typically between 25 and 40 pages. The thesis process also includes an oral "defense" (really more like a conversation about the completed work with your advisor and one or more other faculty members). If you choose the thesis option you may be eligible to graduate with “Research Distinction” or “Honors Research Distinction.”

To graduate with Research Distinction in Comparative Studies or with Research Distinction (if the thesis is completed in another discipline), you must meet the following requirements:

Complete a minimum of 60 graded credit hours at Ohio State
Graduate with minimum GPA of 3.0
Students intending to graduate at the end of Autumn term: Application due no later than the first Friday of the previous February
Students intending to graduate at the end of the Spring term: Application due no later than the first Friday of the previous October
Students intending to graduate at the end of the Summer term: Application due by the first Friday of December
Complete at least 4 credit hours of COMPSTD 4999 (these may be spread over more than one term)
Complete and successfully defend the thesis during an oral examination

For a more detailed list of instructions, see: https://artsandsciences.osu.edu/academics/current-students/advising-academics/graduation

If you are in the Honors Program you may graduate with Honors Research Distinction in Comparative Studies or with Honors Research Distinction (if the thesis is completed in another discipline) by meeting the following requirements:

Be enrolled in the ASC Honors Program and complete an approved Honors Contract
Graduate with minimum GPA of 3.4
Submit “Undergraduate Thesis Application” to the ASC Honors Office upon enrolling in COMPSTD 4999H, or no later than the 3rd Friday of the semester you intend to graduate
Complete at least 4 credit hours of COMPSTD 4999H (may be spread over more than one term)

For a more detailed list of instructions, see: https://aschonors.osu.edu/honors/research-thesis

Other Useful Information

There are several sources of funding for undergraduate research. Arts and Sciences awards two kinds of scholarships on a competitive basis each academic year; each requires a letter of support from an academic advisor, and preference is given to students planning to write a thesis. Undergraduate Research Scholarships range from $500 to $12,000. Applications for a given academic year are due in early February of the preceding year. International Research Grants provide up to $4,000 for research-related travel abroad for students in Arts and Sciences. There are two application cycles per academic year. For more information, see: http://aschonors.osu.edu/opportunities/scholarships/undergrad .

The Division of Arts and Humanities provides Undergraduate Research Small Grants (up to $500) to help fund travel to things like conferences, research collections, and exhibitions and to purchase materials for research or creative activity. The Aida Cannarsa Endowment Fund offers grants of $500 to $3,000 to students in arts and humanities, with priority given to those with demonstrated financial need. Applications for both are reviewed twice a year.

See: https://artsandsciences.osu.edu/academics/current-students/scholarships-grants/research .

There may be additional sources of funding, on and off campus, for particular kinds of projects. You should consult with your advisor and the Office of Undergraduate Research.

Please note that research funding involving human subjects may require prior IRB approval .

Every Spring, there are opportunities for Comparative Studies students to present the results of their research, whether they choose to write the senior essay or the thesis. The Richard J. and Martha D. Denman Undergraduate Research Forum is a university-wide showcase of undergraduate work that awards prizes by areas of interest (for example, Humanities). There is a competitive abstract submission process in January, and a day devoted to presentations in late March. Though most of the forum involves poster presentations, Humanities majors give brief oral presentations (8-10 minutes) on their work to faculty judges.

In April, the Department of Comparative Studies hosts its own Undergraduate Research Colloquium. Working closely with their advisor, students prepare and submit paper abstracts in February—300 words or fewer that describe the project’s central questions, methodologies, theoretical framework, and (tentative) conclusions. Students may choose to give a 10-minute presentation on work in progress or a 20-minute presentation on completed work (by April everyone enrolled in 4990 should be ready to give a presentation). This is a more relaxed atmosphere, with an audience of your peers and friends, as well as faculty and graduate students in the department.

Autumn of senior year

Choose a topic

Spring of senior year

Enroll in COMPSTD 4990, “Senior Seminar”

Spring of junior year

Identify an advisor

Summer between junior and senior years (optional)

Enroll in COMPSTD 4998 or 4998H, “Undergraduate Research in Comparative Studies” (2 credits)
Submit “Application for Graduation with Research Distinction” or “Undergraduate Thesis Application”
Enroll in COMPSTD 4999, “Undergraduate Thesis” or 4999H, “Honors Thesis” (2 credits)
Enroll in Enroll in COMPSTD 4999, “Undergraduate Thesis” or 4999H, “Honors Thesis” (2 credits)

Additional Information

You can find copies of undergraduate theses online at the OSU Knowledge Bank: https://kb.osu.edu/dspace/handle/1811/134 .
Further information on undergraduate research opportunities is available at: http://www.undergraduateresearch.osu.edu/ .

St. John's College

Senior Essays

Senior Jermaine Brown greets friends after his oral examination.

The senior essay is the signature effort of a student’s career at St. John’s College. The essay is a sustained performance in the liberal arts and culmination of the student’s learning. The essay is not a work of specialized research, but the extended pursuit of a difficult question in dialogue with a great author.

In the first semester each senior selects a book, a question, and a faculty advisor. The student and advisor meet periodically in the first semester to discuss the book and define the project. In the first four weeks of the second semester, senior classes are suspended for essay writing. Each completed essay is assigned to a committee of three tutors, who examine the student on the essay in a one-hour, public conversation. Submission of a satisfactory senior essay and completion of the oral are conditions for receiving the degree.

Learn more about the essay writing process and oral examination for seniors, and read about the student who wrote a prize-winning essay on “The Probability Function in Quantum Mechanics: A Formal Cause Beyond Space and Time.”

See senior essay topics for the St. John’s Class of 2019.

Seniors Talk Essays

Read what students wrote about for their senior essays.

“I wanted to write on a Hispanic author, especially a Latin American author. The book is about how to approach life, and how we need some sort of shared experience with the things that we are taking our learning from. He approaches Machu Picchu, and thinks it’s just this thing that he can grab and mine and take some sort of life from—but it turns out the ruins resist him in a particular way, and they have to change him in order for him to be able to take anything. Especially here, with all that we read, we need to be changed by the things that we read as much as we take from them.”

Annapolis Collin Ziegler 2017 St Johns.jpg

“Despite its vast dramatic territory, Wagner’s Der Ring des Nibelungen is largely focused on a single character: Wotan, the chief god of oaths and contracts. Without attempting to account for the entire work, I wanted to examine Wotan as Wagner initially presents him. This meant narrowing my essay to the first two operas: Das Rheingold and Die Walküre. I discovered that despite its heavy-handed political allusions, Wagner’s work is ultimately focused on the question of Wotan’s will. What is Wotan’s will? And what does it mean for the will to exist at all? My resulting work was a surprising revelation of both the significance of the will and Wagner’s creative genius. ”

“I wrote about The Lord of the Rings because it’s been a mainstay in my life. I learned how to read from The Hobbit, and have re-read Lord of the Rings every year since. It has helped me through a lot of trying times. In junior year, we learned to separate head and heart, and we have ennui: where everyone is existentially bored. I think fantasy and escapism can be a solution to that. This was a huge culmination of everything I learned here, philosophically.”

Jahn Clarisse Madlangbayan SF17 St Johns

“I wrote my senior essay on The Phenomenology of Spirit . Hegel is one of the hardest philosophers in the Program. He expresses that we have a deep spirit in us that needs to be moved. Once that spirit is moved, our self-consciousness develops. But that self-consciousness must go through stages in order to arrive at what he calls ‘the absolute known’ or ‘the absolute spirit.’ If people do believe that we have this spirit in us, it can move and develop and grow to its fullness. I think I’m getting to fullness. I don’t know if I’m halfway there yet. I’m still young.”

“We begin philosophy with Plato, and we end up with Nietzche and Heidegger, where everything seems to be nihilistic. I return to Plato and articulate the theory in which love can really give birth to someone’s self and to being. I tried to extract some kind of life-affirming philosophy from a program that seems to become increasingly nihilistic as it enters the 20th century. I’ve never had this much time to think about a book. I had a month to formulate all of the thoughts that have circled unconsciously for the past four years. I didn’t realize I had this much to say, but it all spilled out. And now there’s a paper, and it’s really exciting.”

“I wrote my essay on Jonathan Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels. I was curious about Gulliver’s account of rationality and whether there is a universal standard or if it is relative to particular societies. By analyzing Gulliver’s infatuation with the Houyhnhnms (the ruling race of horses in the final country he visits) and his growing disdain of his own species, I found that it is impossible to rank rational beings because the facets of human rationality and reason are so intricate. I also found that Gulliver’s proclivity for learning languages and his willingness to assimilate into new societies helps him to understand the merits and value of societies different from his own.”

“I discussed getting to know yourself, and the horror of the darkness that lurks inside everyone — being able to accept that and not descend into self-hatred.”

Annapolis Sally Jankovic 2017 St Johns.jpg

“Why is it necessary to use straight lines in understanding curves? I am examining why the method for mathematically describing a curve using points and straight lines is fundamentally opposed to the conception of a curve as a continuous object. It was inevitable that I was going to write about math. In all my St. John’s math classes, I have been interested in how geometric objects can be measured through ratio. I considered Euclid or Apollonius, but I took Calculus 2 over the summer and the questions raised in junior math were brought up continuously (ha!), so I decided to focus my questions about ratios in geometry by using curves. ”

On Thucydides

“My senior essay is about the rise and fall of the Athenian empire, inspired by the most recent turn of events in American politics. I decided that the Athenian empire inevitably conquered itself. Though they had met no strong opponents that could do battle with them, they turned on one another and that’s what caused their entire society to collapse. When a city gives in to fear and loathing, that is when things are at their worst and that’s when the situation in the empire is irredeemable. People shouldn’t doubt for a second that we live in an empire, and fear is our greatest enemy.”

“I’ve read it every single year of college, including the year that I took off. Writing the essay was liberating. In the past, on all the other papers I’ve written, I always wished I’d had more time. With this, I finally wrote a paper where I thought, ‘This is where I wanted to end up.’”

Annapolis Stefan Vasic 2017 St Johns.jpg

On Dostoevsky

“My essay on The Brothers Karamazov focused on some specific irrational actions that Smerdyakov, Ivan, Alyosha, and Dimitri commit. I discussed in detail what motivated these actions if not reason or desire, how these kinds of acts affect our moral judgements (especially the system of judgement that Kant sets up in his second critique), and why Dostoevsky makes the bold decision to have such a deep and cohesive novel dictated by actions devoid of any purpose.”

“I’m writing on The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain. We read it at the very end of junior year. I got really stuck on food: what Huck eats throughout the novel and how he describes it. It’s a fun thread to follow throughout the Program, from the Lotus-eaters in The Odyssey to Augustine’s pear. In Huck Finn, I was struck by how much he enjoyed the cold meat served to him by the cruel Grangerford family, who are embroiled in a pointless, multi-generational feud. I wanted to know how the kind of food Huck eats speaks to his growth.”

“It’s a novel about the encroaching legal aspect of society amidst the Industrial Revolution of England. It’s a dreary tale about the loss of personal strength and the reliance upon law, especially as large families come to use [law] to crush individuals who are otherwise upstanding members of society. But it has a happy ending, as Dickens is a man of sentimental feelings, and they come out. Good characters get rewarded, bad characters get punished—it’s a fun book.”

Senior Essay Titles

The titles demonstrate how wide-ranging the topics can be for senior essays.

Senior Essay Titles
Title of Essay	Sources
The Bawdy Politic: Examinations on Gender in Aristophanes’	Aristophanes,
Good Manners and Good Judgments in Jane Austen’s	Austen,
C’est L’Ennui: An Exploration of Ennui in the Works of Charles Baudelaire	Baudelaire,
Finding Home: Man’s Journey in Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony	Beethoven,
A Choice of Nightmares: Joseph Conrad’s	Conrad,
“None is so Disgusting”: An Exploration into the Role of Gluttony in Dante’s	Dante,
Harmonizing Souls: An Examination of	Du Bois,
A Journey Through Restlessness: by Gustave Flaubert	Flaubert,
Of Men, Whales, and Myths: An Exploration of the Creation Narrative in	Herman Melville,
The Mathematics that Underlies Natural Phenomena: On the Use of Analogy in Maxwell’s Exposition of the Electromagnetic Field	James Maxwell
The Relationship Between Space and The Human Mind: An Evaluation of Kant’s Transcendental Aesthetic	Kant,
—An Exploration of Hell, Chaos, Heaven, and Earth	Milton,
Chaos and Quanta: Two New Hypotheses in Max Planck’s Theory of Heat Radiation	Planck,
Why Make Friend with Pity? An Inquiry into Modern Ethics in Light of Rousseau’s View of Human Nature	Rousseau,
The Probability Function in Quantum Mechanics: A Formal Cause Beyond Space and Time	Senior Lab Manual— ; Kant,
Geometry and Necessity	Senior Math Manual; Kant,
Love—A Hero and a Villain: An Exploration of Love in Shakespeare’s	Shakespeare,
Defining Fate in	Shakespeare, ; Kierkegaard,
‘To Be More Than What You Were’—Masculinity in Shakespeare’s	Shakespeare,
On Autonomy, Obedience, and Loyalty in Sophocles’	Sophocles,
The Security of Liberty: An Examination of the American Identity in the American Founding Documents	The Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, The Federalist Papers
Free Will and Society in	Tolstoy,
Looking at the Moral Development of Huck in the	Twain,
Song of Myself: Whitman’s Examination of Identity Through Poetry	Whitman,
Beats, Rhymes, and Life: A Poet’s Journey (John Fabiszewski)
Can Capitalism Survive? An Examination of Socialist and Capitalist Systems in Capitalism, Socialism, and Democracy (Gordon Greer)
Turning the World Inside-Out: Why the Newtonian Theory of Planetary Motion Supersedes the Ptolemaic
An Examination of Nietzsche’s Views on Morality
Is Revolution Justifiable? Abraham Lincoln and the Right to Revolution

The Johnnie Chair

The Student Blog of St. John's College

An example of the Senior Essay

Writing is an important part of the Program, and essays at St. John’s is different than the typical research essay that you may have completed in high school, or might see at another college.

The Johnnie Chair thought it would be nice to publish an example of a Prize Winning senior essay, to provide a sense of what senior essays (and writing and general) is like at St. John’s. We thank Annie Brong for her permission to publish this essay!

In addition, another prize winning essay by Xin Ye has been published by The Reeds, and can be found and enjoyed here. Below, is Ms. Brong’s essay “The Cumulative Action of Creation,” enjoy!

The Cumulative Action of Creation

A Calculus Under Darwin

Annie Brong

February 1st, 2020

1. THE BEGINNING

Darwin’s observations of life did not square with the old model of organic development, the “sudden” and “inexplicable…creation of species from the dust of the earth” (2.15.362 [1] ). He found flux instead of fixity. He found that the “differences” between organisms “blend into each other by an insensible series” and “impress the mind with the idea of an actual passage” (1.2.53). This pushed him towards the idea that creation was and is a continuous process, a never-ending calculus where “every complex structure and instinct” in nature is the “sum…of many contrivances” (1.14.474).

How seriously can we consider a “calculus” of creatures? How does it operate and what is the evidence for it? Can we superimpose principles from mathematics onto physical reality? Does Darwin even ask us to? Maybe not, but life’s “insensible steps,” (1.6.190) its countless “series of gradations,” (1.6.203) its continuous “sum[mation]” invoke such a comparison. Moreover, Darwin and Leibniz employ the same Latin phrase in their separate studies: Natura non facit saltum. Nature makes no leaps. Though Darwin calls this principle an “old canon in natural history,” it is often directly attributed to Leibniz (5.16 [2] ). Might this convince us that a calculus of life is implicit in Origin ?

Darwin uses “Natura non facit Saltum” to substantiate another major principle of continuous creation: “nature is prodigal in variety, but niggard in innovation” (1.6.194). Both can be considered a reformulation of Leibniz’s “law of continuity,” that “[e]quality [is] a particular case of inequality, rest [is] a special case of motion, parallelism [is] a case of convergence” (7.546). How do these seemingly dissimilar laws say the same thing? “Equality and the circle terminate the motions” of inequalities and polygons, just as organic dissimilarity terminates in similarity, organic variability terminates in stability, varieties terminate in species, and ancestral forms terminate in current ones (7.546). One merges into the other by “insensible gradations,” ruled by the same mathematical or organic “innovation.” Thus, we may link the disparate images of geometry, physics, and the entire landscape of life. We may wonder, however, whether mathematical continuity is comparable to natural continuity.

If creature calculus is an appropriate analogy, it might clarify some of the questions which Origin poses. Could it make the nebulous terms of classification clear? Maybe, if we discovered a way to measure organic difference and we confirmed its continuity, we could calculate some species “rate of change” across time. Since “specific characteristics are more variable,” we could use a derivative of organic difference to substantiate new species (1.5.155). We could quantify classificatory terms: locating periods of accelerated variability followed by plateaus of self-sameness. Alternatively, we could sum all the ways an organism transformed in time and argue that at some particular threshold a new species or genus, for example, was merited. We could integrate difference or Darwin’s “principle of divergence” over a certain period and look for organisms which evolve most assiduously or struggle most severely (1.4.113). We could compare the integrated difference of polymorphic genera, for example, with those that rarely vary. We might even see trends.

Evolutionary calculus may be illuminating but it immediately raises issues. What should its independent axis be, time or space? What about its dependent axis, organic difference or divergence? Darwin assures us that life diverges and that divergent species are preserved. They spread, supplant the places of inferior forms, and inevitably prevail. Can we use prevalence, dominance, and life-span to measure which organisms have changed the most? How can we be sure these are actually correlated and not falsely equated with divergence? An algebra of organisms reveals latent problems in the logic of Origin . When analyzed, its evidence appears to dissolve, its variables to evaporate. We discover a disturbing amount of self-fulfilling circularity.

Still, Darwin’s case taken in its entirety seems credible. By accumulating the effects of three simple and universal laws, he arrives at the primrose and the pigeon, the honey bee and the hinny. He explains the entire organic spectrum. Darwin goes further still, forever solidifying his status as the Copernicus of biology. He weaves together beings separate in both space and time, into one system that extends all the way back to The Beginning. Darwin poses a contemporary but uncomplicated null hypothesis, captured in the phrase: Natura non facit saltum.

2. THE THEORY

A. The Principles

Throughout the first four chapters, Darwin acclimates his audience to three main principles of evolution, which we must deem “at least possible,” to proceed (1.int.6). The first law needs no confirmation: organisms possess a “strong principle of inheritance” (1.int.7). Parents look like children, something consistent binds families together. Pigeons only make more pigeons, something constant underlies life’s continuous development. The second law, that “a large amount of hereditary modification is at least possible,” does require proof (1.int.6). Darwin does not expect us to accept this and move on, like a mathematician might. He works to convince us that variability exists and that all organisms are potentially alterable. Is the first law’s tendency to preservation overruled by second law’s deviations of character? Not according to Darwin, the first is persistent, the second intermittent. Even the “tendency to variability is in itself hereditary” (1.4.120). The third law says that the pressures of survival “select” the most successful organisms. They keep the population in check, eliminate unhelpful adaptations, and preserve those that promote longevity. Together, these three elements activate the “manufactory of species” (1.2.58).

To convince us of his second law, Darwin must prove that variation occurs naturally. He first asks us to consider the “endless slight peculiarities which distinguish the individuals of the same species” (1.1.26). This is easy but his next request is more difficult: imagine these small differences gathering in one organ as it grows evermore distinct. Further, imagine this organ increasing in utility across time, for natural selection will always weed out the adaptations that hurt its host’s chances and “accumulate” those that help (1.2.47). We may wonder whether Nature “accumulates” figuratively or literally, like man does. Might natural and artificial selection “sum” in different ways? Does either operate at an infinitesimal level or an incremental level? If their steps are insensible how do we spot them? How does Nature seize them? If they are sensible can evolution be continuous? Might Nature make leaps?

Before we can properly analyze the function of evolution, we must verify that all life is potentially variable. Darwin first tells us that domestic variation is “not hypothetical.” Its evidence is everywhere, “compare the host of agricultural, culinary, orchard, and flower-garden races of plants” (1.1.32). Some naturalists deny its universality, claiming “man has chosen” creatures with an “extraordinary inherent tendency to vary” (1.1.19). This is statistically improbable, given the number of life forms we could have tamed instead. Others argue that we do not choose alterable organisms but that our custody activates their capacity for change. This idea contains two implications: first, that only domestic creatures vary; second, that only man can effectively accumulate adaptations. Darwin refutes the first outright: “variability…is not directly produced” by man. He “can neither originate varieties nor prevent their occurrence; he can only preserve and accumulate such as do occur” (1.4.82). He cannot will new traits into being, just as the organism does not vary by “volition” (1.1.14). The second idea is more subtle: it requires a side by side comparison of natural and artificial selection.

While tamed types “generally differ more from each other than” those “in a state of nature,” the distinction exists in the “degree” of difference between the two and not the “manner” (1.1.18). The manner of action is the same because selective forces operate everywhere. While it may be challenging to imagine Nature “selecting,” we must simply recall that “every being” follows the “principle of geometrical increase.” Since more organisms “are produced than can possibly survive,” (1.3.73) each must endure the “war of nature, [of] famine and death” (1.14.478). Comparatively, domestic productions have it easy. Man “does not allow the most vigorous males to struggle for the females; he does not rigidly destroy all inferior animals, but protects” all (1.4.84). Nature is a far more vicious master, her “selective” forces may be figurative but they are fierce. So why do man’s productions differ more?

Man often “begins his selection” with a “half-monstrous form.” He chooses “modification[s] prominent enough to catch the eye” (1.4.85). He selects for obvious, even artistic differences, but his powers are limited to “externally visible” traits (1.1.40). Nature, meanwhile, operates on every aspect of the organism, inside and out. Her choices are subtle, almost infinitesimal. Yet, she keeps her eye on the prize: her end is survival “of the individual” and “success in leaving progeny” (1.3.65). In comparison, man’s choices seem overt and incremental, his ends superfluous. In the interim, artificial selection may appear more pronounced. In the end, the whims of man prove always weaker than the winds of time.

Domestic productions do not all vary to the same “degree.” If “two forms vary, which already differ” their “variability will not be of the same exact nature” and “the results obtained through natural selection…will not be the same” (2.6.192). The speed and direction of an organism’s evolution exists along an infinite spectrum of possibilities, depending on its tendency to variation and the power and preferences of whoever selects. Should we explain each speed separately? No, each adaptive rate reveals a sliver of Nature’s “prodigal…variety” and scant “innovation” (1.6.194). Darwin unifies the proportional difference between domestic and wild variation, then all the sub-degrees of each (1.4.82). His three laws also tell us that selection cannot occur unless variations arise. If all life shows the effects of selection, then all life must be susceptible to adaptation.

Can we reinforce this reasoning with evidence? We may take breeders at their word that “they can model almost as they please” their “plastic” subjects but how do we prove wild plasticity? (1.1.32) Darwin recounts numerous cases where “highly competent judges” cannot agree whether organisms are varieties or species (1.2.51). Since, “[t]here is no possible test but individual opinion to determine which of them shall be considered as species and which as varieties,” (2.2.48) these terms become “a mere useless abstraction” (2.2.50). The nonexistent consensus around naturalism’s most fundamental terms suggests that the science of life has gone awry. If physicists could not agree on meters, for example, how could their findings be shared, compared, or understood? How could we assure ourselves that distance was preserved in space and across time? The pervasiveness of these conflicts hints that organisms may be indeterminate.

Finally, Darwin reminds us of his guiding principle: Natura non facit saltum. While other naturalists “universally” use “the element of descent…in ranking together the sexes, ages, dimorphic forms, and acknowledged varieties of the same species,” they cut the chain abruptly (1.13.446). They ignore nature’s lack of innovation, “[admitting] variation as a vera causa in one case” and “arbitrarily [rejecting] it in another” (1.14.470). Darwin applies the law of continuity to Nature’s machine. Though species, varieties, and individual differences may seem disjointed, they are time-lapsed pictures of an always unfolding process. Envision an organ, trait, or habit growing progressively stranger in time, always inherited, selected for or eliminated by struggle. Then “sum” the “many inherited changes…passed [through] successive adaptations” (1.6.193). We arrive at distinct species by adding up a few or more of these summed traits.

The three laws of evolution, taken individually, appear benign but their additive powers know no limit. Evolutionary integration slides from simple organs to complex innovations. In that most “inimitable contrivance” the eye, we find “much graduated diversity in…crustaceans” (6.186,187). Even the honey bee’s “perfect” hive can be explained by a natural progression. We shift from the humble bee’s “separate and very irregular rounded cells” (1.7.223) to the Melipona’s “nearly regular…cylindrical cells;” (1.7.224) to the hive-bee, each cell a “hexagonal prism” (1.7.223). Using these and other transitional gradations, we glide from simple organs to seemingly inexplicable organic inventions. Darwin implies that as long as intermediate forms are plausible, anything is possible.

Darwin was not alone in this idea. Other authors demanded a continuous look at the earth’s history. In “modern geology,” Sir Charles Lyell’s observations led to the revolutionary conclusion that “great [valleys]” were not excavated “by a single diluvial wave” but, instead, by slow and continuous degradation (1.4.96). In the organic world, Jean-Baptiste Lamarck was the “first…[to excite] much attention” to the idea that “all species, including man, are descended from other species.” He held that “all [organic] change” was “the result of law…not of miraculous interposition” (2.Historical Sketch.4-5). Why did these other authors, particularly Lamarck, fade into the backdrop? What made Origin so groundbreaking?

There are many points of similarity between Darwin and Lamarck. Both men outline a “real chain” of organisms, though Lamarck discusses it in the “opposite direction from that of Nature” (4.12). He describes organic convergence: organs becoming “progressively simplified…altered, reduced, and attenuated little by little” (4.10). Darwin describes the inverse phenomenon with his “principle of divergence” (1.4.113). Distant creatures can be linked together but what makes them distant to begin with? Lamarck tells us that the smooth and graduated line of life becomes warped as it “sustains anomalies…brought about by the influence of living conditions and of acquired habits” (4.11). Here we see his essential point of departure. Though Darwin admits the environment has “some slight and direct effect,” he cites many cases opposed to doctrine (1.4.87). For it is “preposterous to account for [the mistletoe]” with habit or environment, since this parasite critically depends on “other trees” for nourishment, “certain insects” for pollination, “certain birds” for seed dispersal, and so on (1.int.5). The “demonstrative case of neuter insects” deals Lamarck another blow: the “peculiar habits…of the sterile females…could not possibly affect the males and fertile females” (1.7.240).

Darwin’s tendency towards divergence seems, at first, no different from Nature’s innate direction. Upon closer examination, we see that Lamarck’s chain is not purely spatial, temporal, or even mathematical, but teleological. According to him, Nature’s directionality and her “divine order” reveal an “innate and inevitable tendency towards perfection” (2.4.126). Darwin, on the other hand, finds “no limit to the amount of profitable diversification of structure” (2.4.129). Further, he ties organisms’ gradual complexification to competition, not to abstract tendencies or ideal limits. This allows him to explain what Lamarck cannot, why “a multitude of the lowest forms still exist” (2.4.126).

Selective forces run the show in Origin , not fate. To make sense of life’s chain, Lamarck portrays Nature as striving always towards perfection. Darwin substantiates his series in time and space, using the laws of evolution. Nature’s art is an end for Lamarck, it is a never-ending experience for Darwin.

3. DIFFICULTIES

A. The Species

Life’s insensible changes and “cumulative action” blur the boundary between one type of being and another (2.2.52). This necessitates that naturalists only “[know] vaguely what…a species” is (1.2.47). They seemed trapped by organic indeterminacy, forced to use terms which have no shared meaning. Can we rescue the word species from oblivion, from emptiness? Darwin does not try to, for a reason.

Species have significant flexibility, they contain ranges of being. Might the elastic edges of selfhood conceal an essentially simple character at the center? Maybe, except life’s flexibility is not a symptom of sloppy language but of evolutionary integration. Continuity clashes with the idea of distinct organic quanta. Their dissonance only grows amplified. Though naturalists have found “several interesting lines of argument” to pinpoint species, like “geographical distribution, analogical variation, hybridism…[n]o one definition” of species “has satisfied” them all (1.2.47).

It is notable that almost every description involves the analysis of two or more organisms. We cannot classify in isolation. We compare the ranges and sizes of two closely related creatures: “If a variety were to…exceed in numbers the parent species, it would then rank as the species, and the species as the variety” (1.2.55). We employ systematic affinity or “the general resemblance between species in structure and constitution” (1.8.253). Comparison lets us factor out relative variability and tells us whether forms deviate to a typical or atypical degree. Yet, this relatively is also troublesome. If we cannot move beyond it to a general measure of divergence, then a calculus which combines all of life will remain impossible.

While Darwin dismisses many of these definitions, he explores the idea that “the fertility of” varieties “is…of equal importance with the sterility of species” (1.8.243). Many other naturalists uphold that mongrels, the offspring of two varieties, are far easier to cross than hybrids, the offspring of two species. Once again, this is a comparative definition. Unlike the previous ones, it has two clear benefits. First, it makes sense. Two physically unique creatures should not successfully reproduce; there are no elephant-bears or beetle-frogs. By extension, we could postulate: the more similar two organisms are, the more probable their likelihood of procreation. Second, we can test this determinant and our postulate on sexual creatures which reproduce in captivity.

Like many elements of life, fertility exists in “graduated steps, from slightly lessened fertility to absolute sterility” (1.8.262). This continuum may correspond to the graduated steps of similarity between species and varieties. This seeming symmetry, however, lets us “argue in a circle” (1.8.264). To naturalists who want species to be sterile, a single case of two varieties reproducing is fertility and anything less than the ideal output is sterility. They confirm what they already conflate: similarity and sexual viability. If we found another way to verify species and their sterility coincidentally held, the spectrum between complete sterility and ideal fertility would offer one way to measure difference. We could cross two varieties repeatedly and take the average size of their litter, then divide that by the average sized litter of the same variety crossed. We arrive at a fraction which approximates similarity. This evidence-based definition of species does not resolve life’s relativity but it may solve its indeterminacy.

The “fraction of similarity” starts to fall apart as Darwin floods us with case after case that defies this “broad and clear distinction” (1.9.243). For example, “when yellow and white varieties” of Verbascum were “crossed with yellow and white varieties of a DISTINCT species, more seed [was] produced by the species crosses between the similarly coloured flowers, than between those…[of] differently coloured” varieties (1.8.267). Even “distinct genera” can be successfully crossed, as the “common and Chinese geese” together “[raise] no less than eight hybrids” (1.8.250). Might these exceptions be falsely ranked? The more prolific the examples, the less probable that seems. Darwin tells us the idea that species are “invariably sterile and varieties invariably fertile…cannot be maintained” (2.15.520). The rule holds “general[ly]” but not “universal[ly]” (1.8.251) and “harmonizes perfectly with the view that there is no essential distinction between” species and varieties (1.8.271).

The insensible summation of life has destroyed the sanctity of classification. Darwin gives us no clear concept of what a species is. He admits “varieties cannot be distinguished from species–except, first, by the discovery of intermediate linking forms; and, secondly, by a certain indefinite amount of difference between them” (1.2.60). The first is contingent, the second unqualified. In most cases, the status of an organism is determined by a “majority of naturalists” (1.2.50). But the “old saying of Vox populi, vox Dei” meaning the voice of the people is the voice of God “cannot be trusted in science” (2.6.179). Reason must always rule. We have no clue how to catch all individuals of the same type, without accidentally including others. We cannot tell whether two different species are simply short-lived transformations of the same identity. Moreover, nature’s “prodigality” assures us that any rough standard of species-sameness will differ across organisms and across characteristics.

B. The Tautologies

Naturalists often “argue in a circle” about the characteristics that connect and distinguish varieties. Recall the forced fertility definition above, how scientists strain the facts to fit their terms (1.8.264). The apparent symmetry between the spectrum of fertility and of similarity tempts us to equate them without evidence: varieties graduate into species as fertility graduates into sterility. Not only is this inherently circular, this parallelism does not strictly hold. Slippery symmetries like this one almost invite us to apply the law of continuity and unify causality, to claim that species and sterility are variations of the same innovation. Does this overestimate Nature’s simplicity? Or might this symmetry be substantiated? Maybe, but we cannot test the fertility fraction until we find another way to gauge organic similarity.

Likewise, some naturalists claim that “important organs never vary,” but then they “rank those parts as important…which do not vary” (1.2.48). Some trait is significant if it has classificatory importance, it is inessential otherwise. Their “evidence” only confirms their expectations. Darwin calls out these self-fulfilling solutions to the species question. Does he succumb to the same kind of fallacy? Does he equate his assumptions with his conclusions, his proofs with his premises? Yes and no. He connects important organs and ones that vary but evades the same circularity by reversing the principle: “the less any part of the organization is concerned with special habits, the more important it becomes for classification” (1.12.405).

Darwin differentiates himself from other authors by citing the laws of evolution before introducing classificatory evidence. For example, since embryos are rarely self-sufficient, they maintain “structures which are of no service” and delay the development of special adaptations (1.13.429). All mature forms must become specialized to survive but highly-dependent embryos can afford to be late bloomers. Thus, early life forms though entirely “[un]concerned with special habits” often present the primitive traits of their progenitors. While other naturalists start with assumptions and find what confirms them, Darwin’s leans towards facts and careful inference before he offers evidence. He escapes circularity by building his system on solid ground.

Other tautologies lurk within Origin , however. Without a way of sorting species, we use common or constant traits to connect organisms and inconsistent traits to separate them. We presume that a trait which is “still variable…[has] recently varied and thus come to differ” (1.5.169). We define varieties using current variation, species using recent variation, and so on, each higher taxon gaining stability. Yet, the average rate of variation fluctuates wildly across all different organisms, there is an infinite spectrum of these speeds. There’s no consistency, no standard generic rate of change that lets us guess how long ago a genus varied or how much it should be changing now. Without a solid system, we get that creeping sense that a circle may be forming: varieties varied recently because they diverged recently. We find Darwin’s essential “principle of divergence.”

Organic difference can mean a million things, it is non-directional, a scalar quantity. Divergence is vector-like, it is always in relation. It points away and towards, above and below, another creature. It implies a destination. Towards what? What does it mean to be more or less divergent? Although, “it is hardly possible to define clearly what is meant by organisation being higher or lower” in the scale of nature “no one probably will dispute that the butterfly is higher than the caterpillar” (1.13.431). Yet, divergence is not synonymous with maturity: in “certain parasitic crustaceans…the mature animal cannot be called higher than its larva (1.13.431).

In general, organisms “higher in the scale” of nature express a greater amount of “organization…differentiation and specialisation” (1.4.135). Specialized organs are those “[set] apart…for the performance of a particular function” (1.Gloss.493). Divergence translates to specialization, specialized organs to divergent forms. Darwin also tells us that Herbert Spencer’s expression “Survival of the Fittest” is “more accurate” and “sometimes equally convenient” as his own, “natural selection” (2.3.70). Both ideas, the first more bluntly, tell us that those who survive are well-adapted or divergent and that “diversified…descendants” survive being “better enabled to seize on many and widely diversified places” (1.4.113). The circle widens, one term after the next is both defined by and the definition of divergence.

Say we could compare the population size and spread of an extinct creature with a living descendant and ask: why did one prevail? All we have is the futile argument that it was more specialized, more divergent, more suited to survival. We could point to an intricate organ or developed trait as “proof,” but we could probably find one of these in the extinct organism, too. We could say it was better adapted but we could not say why. “[W]e are much too ignorant…to say what slight modifications” are “[important]” or successful (1.6.194).

Let us not underestimate Darwin by dismissing the principle altogether. We need real proof, which he tries to provide. Consider how diversely “[s]eeds are disseminated” from “their capsule being converted into a light balloon-like envelope, by being embedded in pulp or flesh…by having hooks and grapnels of many kinds and serrated awns…and by being furnished with wings and plumes…to be wafted by every breeze.” How do we explain this “inexhaustible number of contrivances” without invoking the Creator or the principle of divergence? (2.6.191) Even if we lack an explanation of our own, we can still point out the logical flaw implicit in this argument. Nature may display great diversity now but this is not grounds enough to call organic divergence an eternal tendency, a law of life.

Chapter Four is riddled with other arguments that may give weight to this empty word. I have isolated a few I find compelling. Darwin echoes other naturalists in the idea that the ecology of nature is akin to the ecology of an individual, that both optimize “physiological division of labour.” A stomach which digests “flesh alone, draws most nutriment from” it, just as a specialized organism may draw most benefit from one place in nature’s polity (1.4.116). However, “physiological division of labour” is another loose term that tells us nothing about what divergence is or how we can measure it. We might as well say specialization. Further, a stomach is not a species, a unified body is not the battleground of nature. Development in one does not necessitate development in the other.

Next, we confront two tests of divergence. Though we may “[expect] that the plants which…[become] naturalised in any land would generally have been closely allied to the indigenes…the case is very different” (1.4.115). Instead, we find that new and unrelated genera often gain ground. Darwin claims that since they are divergent, they easily seize the niches of the natives. We could perform an experiment by introducing many organisms to a confined island. Distinct genera should survive more often than the genera closely resembling the indigenous. Similarly, in “any small spot…more living beings can be supported on the same area the more they diverge in structure, habits, and constitution” (1.4.130). Another experiment emerges, we count the number of creatures and the number of genera which cloak an area. If there are more living beings, there should be more diverse genera.

Are these experiments circular? Even if our hypotheses are confirmed, these may be false correlations, caused by some other factor than divergence. Moreover, these experiments are set up to numerically verify our expectations. We do not analyze the nature of the organisms which survive, the nature of the island or area we test, we do not look beyond our principle. Let’s say we do try them, we then gather up the organisms which become naturalized or grow successfully then ask: what do they have in common? Or, why did they survive? The answer “because they are divergent” is not good enough. Over many trials, we could try to find the traits, organs, or habits that all the winners share, then call this divergence. As our sample size grew, the list of shared features would most likely shrink. This trend would then tempt us back towards divergence, for this hollow term catches almost any kind of commonality. Yet, these and other experiments will not always confirm Darwin’s principle: the “most divergent varieties,” do not invariably “prevail and multiply” (1.4.121).

Finally, “extinct beings…are often, in some degree, intermediate in character between existing groups” (1.4.127). Simply imagine life’s convergence against time and this fact makes sense. Convergence is just the inverse of divergence. We cannot use its potential explanation of classification as a proof of its existence. It is convenient but not conclusive. This is a theme buried within each argument above and throughout Origin as a whole. Darwin finds data explained by divergence, then uses it as evidence for divergence. For example, the tree of life is difficult to unsee. It grows roots, ingratiates itself into our understanding, and becomes the basis for other assertions. We then recycle those assertions to prove the picture. Almost unintentionally, it becomes a demonstration, no longer a hypothetical depiction meant to “aid us” in this “rather perplexing subject” (1.4.117). We might wonder, are all the images which science gives us – the tree of life, the periodic table, the plum-pudding model of the atom – empty proofs? Can we extricate them from our unconscious, without replacing them with new pictures?

What happens when evidence conflicts with this picture? Darwin goes out of his way to interpret the many proofs against continuous creation. The geological record, for example, presents very few transitional varieties. He explains this fact away so doggedly, however, that we blame archeology instead of evolution. In similar ways, Darwin softens many facts that are hostile to his theory. He integrates the honeybees hive, the inimitable eye, and the numerous “castes” of ant neuters, among many others, into his expansive rationale of evolution (1.7.236). Is there one fact that could dissolve Darwin’s complex case for continuous creation?

Darwin’s diagram goes along with many series and many symmetries throughout Origin that show us one way to organize the wild: his way. The more we look for proof of any one, the more we find latent divergence. Struggle, specialization, success, and survival, for example, are four different paths to the same essential circle: divergence with time, convergence against it. What argument could liberate us from this loop? Is there one fact that could solidify evolution? Might a real tree made of documented fossils and living forms do? Would we still doubt whether intermediary forms existed in the space between? Might we force organisms into the role of transitional grades, citing analogical variations or other false positives? Might we, in our eagerness to prove evolution, even fabricate connections between unrelated forms?

4. THE SOLUTION

A. The Natural System

Darwin blurs the line between slight and significant organic differences. He tells us that nature isn’t made of species “beings” but species “becomings.” If species are time-sensitive slices of a never-ending evolutionary process, why is not all life “an inextricable chaos of varying and intermediate forms?” (1.6.177) Why do we even try to separate, group, and arrange the spectrum of organisms? We dare to order Nature because she is not in constant mutiny.

There are many reasons why “nature [is not] in confusion,” why “species, as we see them” appear “well defined” (1.6.172). First, we have confidence in these chimerical terms of classification because, relative to our conception of time, life does not change (1.6.178). At least it does not change significantly enough for us to be alarmed. Nature’s changes are “insensible” and do not occur all at once. At any given time, a limited number of forms will have their capacity for alteration activated. A breeder’s changes may be more noticeable but, try as he might, he cannot produce a brand new animal.

The second reason species seem clear and distinct is that barriers may once have stood where they stand no longer. For example, certain bodies of land may have merged after millenia of existing as separate islands (1.6.178). Similarly, valleys might have risen. Mountains might have worn away. Seas, rivers, or lakes might have grown connected in recent centuries. These old and now invisible boundaries, if they existed, would have “not only [separated] but [formed] the several” distinct “zoological and botanical provinces” around the world (1.12.399). Third, on long continuous land formations “intermediate varieties [form] in intermediate zones.” These narrow zones sustain limited populations, which are less likely to vary and are liable “to accidental extermination” (1.6.178). Intervening forms are often eliminated before we notice them. Lastly, the “very process of natural selection constantly tends” to supplant “the parent form” (1.6.179). Extinction makes the boundaries of each being even sharper.

These forces slice apart organic series into unified groups. Species are perceptible; we can point them out. Are they persistent? Classification suggests as much. Terms like species demand that we limit nature’s constant motion at a static endpoint of adequate difference. Darwin does not demand this but neither does he dismiss taxonomy. Instead, he extends organic continuity beyond “sexes, ages, dimorphic forms, and acknowledged varieties” into breeds, species, genera, and so on (1.13.446). These are all transitional, temporary results of life’s perpetual recreation, unified by the “vera causa of community of descent” (1.5.160). Darwin ruins classification with continuity but redeems it with ancestral connection. The Natural System does not merely “[arrange] together those living objects which are most alike, and…most unlike” (1.13.404). Instead, it unites the present and the past, ties living forms to fossil remains. Despite their apparent disagreement, classification actually helps us define the dimensions of creature calculus: time and the traits that bind all living beings.

Might the Natural System’s incremental tiers of life be akin to the Periodic Table? Linnaeus remarks in Philosophia Botanica that “the characters do not make the genus, but…the genus gives the characters” (1.13.405). In a similar way, Mendeleev says “[t]he magnitude of the atomic weight determines the properties of the element” (8.406). The weights on the Table, the terms of the System are more than convenient, they reveal a “deeper bond…than mere” numerical or visible “resemblance” (1.13.405). These identities then fuel the furtherance of each science. For example, by linking two seemingly separate genera to the same family, we start to see their affinity. This formerly unseen affinity brings another genus into the family, and so forth. Likewise, the vertical axis of Mendeleev’s Table “corresponds to the valence ” or“the number of bonds that element can make when it forms compounds” (8.405). Valence dictates “chemical behavior,” so we can test whether similarly-shelled “B, C, N, O, F” react in the same way when exposed to another element (8.405). Yet again, we might wonder: do these methods of sorting restrict our sight? Once seen, we abandon our search for other illuminating images, for other dimensions of connection which they cannot account for. They drill themselves into reality, they shape all future inquiry. Could the pictures of science indoctrinate us?

If we accept that ancestry underlies life’s insensible progression, we may combine the natural series which surround us in space with series in time. For example, the “almost perfect series” of pigeons we see now might be conceived chronologically: time elapsed since each form split from the ancestral rock pigeon (1.1.29). Temporal and spatial chains recur throughout Origin : “Let two forms have not a single character in common, yet, if these extreme forms are connected together by a chain of intermediate groups” their relation becomes incontestable (1.13.417). Darwin reveals the latent logic behind our natural ordering systems and tells us the two ways of envisioning life are ultimately the same. A lineage is simply a chain of creatures with an axis that tells time.

Time could be the independent variable of evolutionary calculus. Space offers another option. Time makes organic series meaningful, it ties us to ancestral connection. Yet, space provides the boundaries of organic “provinces,” it lets us know that two species have not crossed paths for a significant amount of time (1.12.399). Although, space is spotty and unreliable. We cannot say what the earth looked like when a fossil was formed, sometimes we cannot be sure where it was formed. For the “geological record” presents “a history of the world imperfectly kept and written in a changing dialect” (1.9.305). Time seems to be a more stable variable.

Time gives the calculus meaning. If some organism showed a linear or geometric rate of change, might we extrapolate backwards and “age” all beings living and extinct? In an ideal world, but Darwin does not anticipate such regularity (1.4.121). Organisms do not “[undergo] change through some innate law” (2.4.107). We might never be able to reverse engineer the convergence of life into the one or “few forms…originally breathed by the Creator,” but with actual data before us, like a series of fossils or of current forms, we could develop evidence-based quantities of difference (1.14.478). After collecting millions of data points, we might find correlative patterns, however weak or unbelievably complex. We might find an association between some organic kind and its rate of divergence, or its level of complexity and its integrated difference. With these, if they exist, we could start approximating life’s origins.

In a similar way, Darwin extends evolution beyond all comprehension. He applies the concept of organic continuity continuously, towards the idea “that all animals and plants are descended from some one prototype” (1.14.471). This single analogy summarizes Origin in its entirety, it carries Natura non facit saltum to its logical conclusion. It also tells us that Darwin’s theory tilts one way in time. We may look into the past, using the clues Nature has planted beneath the earth’s crust, but not into the future. “[N]o man can predict” Nature’s prospective plans (1.4.128).

The terms of taxonomy may have arbitrary edges but they have actual significance. They estimate how long ago two organisms diverged from a common ancestor. We circle back to the unanswered tautology. Might organic progressions in space and their sequence in time present another false symmetry? Evolutionary calculus offers a potential solution to this problem. What if we discovered some absolute method of discriminating between species: some single characteristic or set of them, a test, or other measure of sufficient difference? With this measure we could mathematically link organisms together. We could prove sterility starts at species. We could confirm the principle of divergence or prove that diversified forms typically survive. We could prove that life’s series in time and space are the same. An evidence-based calculus could destroy the circularity at the center of Origin.

What could this measure of sufficient difference be? All previous measures of difference have been comparative, restricted in scope to two forms. Without a universal metric, we cannot link together all life within one calculus. How do we escape this relativity? Say we could list all potentially variable organic traits, habits, functions, and create a separate scale for each one which measured the entire continuum of its complexity; say we could weigh each of these against its importance, dependent always on the organism which hosts it; then sum all these numbers. Presumably, each individual would have its own unique sum. Although this method demands serious progress in naturalism, it does not seem strictly impossible.

C. The Unit

Such a project would be as immense as its implications would be. Let us consider the practicalities of this analytical approach. We already have an independent variable. Our dependent variable is easy to grasp but harder to gauge: organic change. Before we figure out how to measure it, we need to know what we are measuring: the physical objects of our observation. It is too overwhelming to analyze all life at once. Should we model different functions for every community, every genus, or every species? We do not know what species are. How will we know what changes to look for if we do not know where to look?

The endless action of evolution has sabotaged all previous definitions of species. Instead of finding species by comparing statistics, affinities, or single attributes, might we use evolution’s fundamental principles in our favor? Any proper object of evolution will be ruled by all three laws. While all living beings pass on traits and are potentially alterable, not all organisms struggle against one another.

Darwin assures us “natural selection cannot…modify the structure of one species, without giving it any advantage, for the good of another species.” He insists there is not one “case [of altruism] which will bear investigation” (1.4.88). This implies he has sought proof to contradict this principle, not merely to corroborate it. Selfishness gives us our first arguably non-tautologous, non-relational definition of the smallest element of evolution. If two organisms work against one another in any way, then they are not the same species. If one organism selflessly assists the survival of another, then they are the same species. A “unit” is concerned only with its own survival. Alternatively, a “unit” is what natural selection acts upon. Outside, the ruthless battle of life reigns. Inside, all is calm, collected, and secure.

While selflessness and selfishness seem like mutually exclusive options, they become blurred in the wild. One organism may help another while still helping itself enough to be self-serving. We have to weigh the energy expended against the benefit derived. What would it mean if we found that the first does not always offset the second? Would we prove altruism exists? Would we dismiss such exceptions by claiming they are fated for extinction? Or, would we change our “unit” of evolution?

Despite being Darwin’s choice, species may not be the right “units” of evolutionary struggle. Is there cooperation outside of species? Is there competition within them? Yes, beings “most nearly related” experience the “most severe” competition (1.10.314). What could be more related than members of the same species? Varieties? Individual members of the same family? Where does Nature’s rivalry begin and end? Who does She “select?”

At one extreme, we could consider the smallest increment of struggle. Beyond individuals, we might posit that characteristics compete. Might blue and yellow shades of primrose vie for prominence? Since they are singular, they have nothing to collaborate with. Or do they? “Correlated variation” says otherwise (1.5.146). “[M]any remarkable cases” show that “[c]olour and constitutional peculiarities go together” (2.1.22). In truth, the “whole organisation is so tied together…when slight variations in any one part occur…other parts become modified” (1.5.145). Since single traits can be said to work together, they cannot be our “units.”

We might inch upwards. The different buds of a plant compete against one another for space, nutrients, and sun. But “separate flowers…can be considered as distinct individuals only in a limited sense” (1.4.100). Many plants, trees in particular, have a “strong tendency to bear flowers with separate sexes.” Darwin labels the “intercrossing of distinct individuals of the same species” a “general law of good” breeding (1.4.100). In hermaphroditic plants, though the pollen and stigma of their flowers are “placed so close together, as if for the very purpose of self-fertilisation,” they are “in so many cases mutually useless” (1.4.99). Lone flowers frequently do not struggle alone: they seek out sexual partners and prevent against self-fertilization.

Onwards, we shift our scope to individual organisms. Darwin often says that Nature selects the “best individuals” (1.1.38) and that individuals endure the struggle for existence (1.3.63). Yet, what organism is truly independent? Family and community are often essential. Without them, we cannot explain why the bee stings, killing itself “by tearing out its viscera” (1.6.201). Even the “insuperable difficulty” which neuter insects create for Darwin’s theory, can be overcome if “selection may be applied to the family” (1.7.235). Sterile sister ants may determine whether their fertile siblings survive. The family, an extension of selfhood by relation, is one “serviceable end” of natural selection (1.7.235).If we isolate lone beings as evolutionary “units,” then we must admit altruism into the equation.

Interfamilial competition is also real: “the improved and modified descendants of a species will generally cause the extermination of the parent-species” (1.10.315). Of course, parent-species here means generations past. The idea holds: parents, siblings, even children are very “nearly related” and thus the competition between them is “severe” (1.10.314). What are they: loyal allies or lethal adversaries? It depends. There cannot be a one-size-fits-all “unit” of natural selection. We must consider the social or familial dependence of each species, calculating the cost of cooperation versus the profit on a case-by-case basis. If assisting the community is too “expensive,” then we must extend our “unit” beyond the individual.

Sexuality is another essential factor when scrutinizing an organism’s particular “unit.” Separated sexes are developed as an evolutionary advantage, as intercrossing is a “general law of good” breeding but they necessitate another dependency. Females seem to collude through sexual selection, together they “produce a marked effect…by selecting, during thousands of generations, the most melodious or beautiful males, according to their standard of beauty” (1.4.90). As Nature selects those best suited for survival, females select according to their strict ideas of beauty. We know that inconsistent choosiness accomplishes nothing: picture the unspectacular result of a fickle pigeon fancier. The females of a population may be said to work as one but males certainly do not. How do females agree on aesthetic standards?

Sexual selection adds a new complexity to the calculus. It must account for ancestry and organic difference or divergence. Now, it must include beauty? Female tastes can align with nature’s fitness, take male “weapons” or “means of defence.” Yet, they also choose elaborate “charms,” “antics,” and “gorgeous plumage” (1.4.90). Such ostentation goes against nature’s effort to “economise…every part of the organization” (1.5.148). Might these separate selective forces demand separate axes? Is there anything more absurd than an algebra of beauty or art?

Might we still make a case for Darwin’s locus of selfishness: the species? For some organisms, like corn and rape-seed, “a large stock of individuals…is absolutely necessary for its preservation” (1.3.72). Though “if several varieties…[are] sown together,” some may “beat…and…supplant” all the others (1.3.77). Again, the “struggle for life is most severe between individuals and varieties of the same species” (1.3.62). The gradations of severity give us another symmetry: intensity of struggle and level of similarity. Competition decreases as we go above species into genera but it peaks somewhere between varieties and individuals. This peak points back towards individual organisms as the solo units of struggle. It appears impossible to gather the cooperative parts of Nature in one group, without catching her competitive side.

Unable to find the sweet-spot between the two, we might look towards the other extreme. We could call the community, the entire ecosystem, The One our organic “unit.” Darwin tells us many times that when organisms “[migrate] in a body together, their mutual relations will not [be] much disturbed…[and they] will not [be] liable to much modification” (1.11.361). If some species is only stable because of its community, then is it itself outside it? If not, then organisms that even indirectly interact must be grouped together. This idea ignores the “struggle” between similarly situated organisms. It falsely suggests comradery, cooperation, even altruism at all levels. How can we circumscribe one community as completely separate from another? Is Australia a “unit?” Do all oceans hold one creature? If life is an undifferentiated mass, how do we systematize it? As soon as the temperature changes or the land shifts, the self-stability of The One would be destroyed. Should we include the earth or the climate within our “unit?” No, this disturbs the obvious boundary between the inorganic and organic sciences.

Weighing all these options, the most viable object of evolution, for animals and many plants, seems to be a pair which possess both male and female sexual organs. It has its limitations: would we dare call a queen bee and a single drone a complete pair? What about neuters or asexual creatures? We might add neuters as long as they contribute something absolutely essential to a procreating pair, like childcare or labor. Finally, we have a functional “unit” of study. We could limit our observation to one child to prevent geometric increase of subjects. As we gathered more and more of these graphs, we could prove or disprove ancestral connection by linking many. Obviously, a significant amount of time would be required to see any substantial change. Say we could, somehow, watch such a series over a million years. We could then begin the science of evolutionary integration.

5. THE CALCULUS

A. The Axes

A full analysis is not yet feasible. We have an object of creature calculus but not both axes. How do we calculate organic change across time? To link life together we need one ultimate metric of divergence, not a relational fraction or an organism-specific metric. To capture dissimilarity either numerically or graphically, we must measure all the many ways an organism can vary. There are more than one or two dimensions of divergence and relation: “it is notoriously not possible to represent in a series, on a flat surface, the affinities” of organisms (1.13.413). We must account for all the qualities which differ in organisms, an unfathomable number of components that grows alongside our understanding. Should we seek similarity, instead? Would it be the direct inverse of dissimilarity or would it be easier to capture? The list of organic qualities which are exactly alike should be shorter than the unlike list, since a continuum of the second terminates in the first. Although, when we zoom in to examine whether two organisms are identical in some respect, we might just spot more differences.

Other formidable issues lie in wait. While some organic aspects have a built-in scale, like height or even eye color, how would we measure maternal instinct or the pattern on a peacock? These traits might, themselves, be multidimensional. Can they be decomposed into more basic elements? Can we reduce organic complexity into millions of one-dimensional traits?

Even if this were possible, we could not simply sum these different scales together. Can any one measure capture the infinite variety of expression? It seems we must invoke the nebulous terms diversity or complexity. How else could we accumulate them on the same axis? Maybe we could find a system that translates face shape and finger length, that decodes shades of scales and types of skin. How? What would we base this scale of significance on? What would be the organic form of Hydrogen, the “one” in terms of traits? Moreover, organic attributes are not created equal. Organs of high physiological importance often say very little about an organism’s origins while “rudimentary or atrophied organs” (1.13.405) and “generative organs…[afford] very clear indications of its true affinities” (1.13.407). Attributes which say more about ancestry must weigh more in our system.

These difficulties suggest what Darwin confirms, that we will need to know “every form which has ever lived on this earth.” Only then is a natural arrangement “possible” (1.13.423). Similarly, any mathematical mapping of life composed in ignorance cannot be true. Varieties are “clustered like satellites around other species” (1.2.59). Skipping one form in the transcript of evolutionary history is akin to skipping one star in a solar system: its gravitational influence on nearby bodies goes unaccounted for. It is somewhat like skipping one element in the periodic table, though we may not as easily sense that something is missing. We cannot systematize life properly if our scope is restricted to current forms and scant fossils.

A full analysis of evolution appears impossible for many reasons. The infinite dimensionality of any mathematical difference metric is disheartening. Additionally, an accurate scale is contingent on pigs flying: the sudden reappearance of all past forms (1.13.423). Darwin opts for another measure: divergence. Divergence seems easier to capture as it is vector-like, meaning direct comparison between more than one data point. Yet, it brings us back around to organic relativity and, what is more troubling, the tautology at the center of Origin . It is inextricable from struggle, survival, and complexity. Using any of them to measure divergence leads us down dizzying circles that conceal this term’s emptiness. We cannot ground difference or divergence in anything which can be confirmed. Without them, the calculus appears hopeless.

Maybe Darwin knows what divergence is as well as “every naturalist knows vaguely what…a species” is (1.2.47). Unlike species, however, Darwin does not destroy divergence. He depends on it.

B. The Diagram

Darwin’s diagram avoids the infinite complexity and essential circularity of organic change. It suggests that he solves all the issues mentioned above. Has he? Does he find a way to approximate evolution or does he simply assume it exists and is measurable? The diagram raises another dilemma: the staggered, branching pattern conflicts with our image of life as a continuous process. Yet, it is reminiscent of the leaps in the System’s terminology. Might the diagram reconcile the incompatible ideas of evolutionary calculus and classification?

Darwin’s axes are slightly different from those used in our calculus (Figure 1). The vertical axis keeps time but in undefined and alterable units. Numerals I through XIV may each denote “a thousand…a million or more generations” (1.4.120). Alternatively, they may represent “a section of the successive strata of the earth’s crust” (1.4.120). The flexibility Darwin gives these units is powerful, it tells us that the same pattern can map the progress of any taxon. The horizontal axis measures difference or similarity, following always “the principle of divergence” (1.4.113). In the diagram, a¹ and m¹ are not some C units apart along the x-axis merely for the sake of space. Species A and L “resemble each other in unequal degrees…as is represented in the diagram by the letters standing at unequal distances” (1.4.117).

Darwin’s diagram is illustrative of the principles and not particulars of evolution. He takes a lofty view of life, avoiding the issues of precise variable analysis. How does avoid these issues? Does he invoke assumptions or evidence? Neither, Darwin references no facts or arguments but introduces the diagram as an “aid” (1.4.117). Again, it is helpful only if we treat is as a hypothetical depiction and not a demonstration. What does this “approximation” reveal about evolution? At T = I, a¹ branches out into 5 different lines. All but one (a²) peters off into extinction. Suddenly, at T = II five new species spring from a². Does this mean descendants die out gradually but arrive instantaneously? Do new species surface regularly, at complete intervals of T? Darwin does not resolve the first question here, but assures us species “are not supposed to appear simultaneously” or “regularly.” The “breaks” in the diagram “are imaginary” (1.4.121).

Nature does not unveil species in a linear or geometric series or all at once. The abruptness of this diagram speaks to something which creature calculus cannot: life is not continuous. Organisms do not clone themselves instantaneously or perpetually, reproduction takes time. Sexual creatures also inherit characteristics from two sources. The mother’s traits meet a set of foreign ones. The child “leaps” from both parents, a discontinuous combination. Further, adaptations “suddenly” arise (1.1.31). Of course they do. Their suddenness lets breeders spot and select them. Might their suddenness be apparent, a symptom of our limited sight? Might man be blind to extremely slight increments of organic change? Or, might life have a smallest possible step of change? What would this organic “quantum leap” represent?

There is evidently something sensible about Darwin’s “insensible series.” Do species surface instantaneously, just like adaptations and individuals? We might hope that discontinuity could mend the discord between the calculus and classification. Darwin disillusions us. A new species does not suddenly emerge every time a new individual is born or a new trait appears. In fact, new species do not emerge suddenly at all. “[I]f a single individual” is born with a modification that gives it “twice as good a chance of life…this chance would go on decreasing in the succeeding generations.” Instead, “this result” only “[follows] from the preservation during many generations of a large number of individuals” who express the same alteration (2.4.76). A lone form, however extreme, can not single-handedly create a species. Nature does not “leap,” she sums many micro-adjustments over millions of years. It is strange that chance variations must recur repeatedly, almost systematically, throughout a species for an organism to evolve. This seems to contradict the very idea of “chance” variation.

In light of life’s slight discontinuities, we swap a smooth curve conception of evolution for a staircase function. Are there grounds to reject our guiding principle: Natura non facit saltum? Not necessarily, the gaps between parent and child, between one trait and the next are incomparably smaller than the discontinuity which creation demands. They are extremely slight in the grand scope of evolution. By increasing our time increments and adding more data points, we can roughly smooth life’s leaps and imagine it as a curve.

This returns us to a much earlier question. Is mathematical continuity akin to natural continuity? There are jumps in organisms and organic traits just as there are jumps in physics. What exists between the elements on the periodic table? Isotopes do but not along a continuous series. The leaps in the periodic table may be an early form of the fact that atoms are quantized. We still treat chemistry and physics as mathematically sound sciences. Though organisms too, are inherently incremental, they can be considered as approximately continuous and differentiable when we take a step back. The facts of life are messier than a mathematician might like but the price of continuity need not destroy the promise of creature calculus. The infinite dimensions of complexity and the nonexistence of divergence, however, just might.

C. Prediction

Even if we abandon creature calculus, we need not think that some other mathematization of life is impossible. We still have a “unit” and one axis. Yet, other issues with organic analysis emerge when we probe the diagram. The first appears when we posthumously label fossils. Say at T = 14 we unearth specimen a 5 and place it accurately in line with its ancestors and descendants (Figure 1). This form connects a 14 , q 14 , p 14 , b 14 and f 14 . Let them together constitute a distinct genus called β. Does a 5 belong to β? This would be a prospective and not retrospective name, running counter to the direction of evolution. Since a 5 , d 5 , k 5 , and m 5 all emerged from ancestor A, they might comprise their own genus γ. But then A gives rise to two genera, β and γ, one nested inside the other. Enclosing one genus inside a category of the same size defeats the purpose of having tiers of organization. Further, this internal origami ignores that each organism will expire, that the terms cannot be eternal. We could graduate genus γ to a family, its species to a genus, its family to an order, and so on. Yet, this means a new species name for something that no longer lives and a new taxon beyond Kingdom. While linearity of descent renders this procedure appropriate, Darwin confirms that all “raising or sinking the value of the groups…has hitherto been arbitrary” (1.13.419).

Of course names are not mathematical, still this hypothetical shows that every newly unearthed fossil, every newly unveiled form entails another edit to our tree. We cannot leave space in our diagram for new forms, like Mendeleev could in his table. We can locate general areas in the tree that seem sparse, but we cannot say what old forms are “missing” or where exactly new fossils belong. Naturalists cannot construct an end-all-be-all taxonomic order, a Mendeleev-like table with predictive capacity, nor an organic algebra which can extrapolate. Can we rightfully call a science “scientific” if it can only analyze the past?

Although, there are predictive aspects of Origin . Can we know what new forms will manifest next? It is difficult to say. To say that variability is entirely “due to chance” is a “wholly incorrect expression” (1.5.133). Our ignorance in this matter is staggering but Darwin outlines some probabilistic elements of adaptation. “[S]pecies which are the most numerous in individuals have the best chance of producing favourable variations” (1.4.110). Occasional intercrossing, large and open areas, and a “change in the conditions of life” all “[afford] a better chance of the occurrence of profitable variations” (1.4.83). We might guess which forms will vary, though we cannot say how they will. Additionally, we know that traits must recur to gain traction. One extreme form changes nothing. We could conceivably spot popular tendencies early on, then predict which will persist. Like the “Virginia squatters…[who] select the black members” of their pig litters, breeders can typically tell which animals or plants have a “good chance of living” (2.1.26). We may even estimate the speed at which a new species will become well-defined, factoring in the area they occupy, their population size, and the number of barriers.

There is one added complication of prediction yet unconsidered: the “infinitely complex relations” of organisms (1.3.63). “Throw up a handful of feathers, and all fall to the ground according to definite laws; but how simple is the problem where each shall fall compared to that of the action and reaction of the innumerable plants and animals which have determined, in the course of centuries, the proportional numbers and kinds of trees” (1.3.77). For, “the presence of a feline animal…might determine, through the intervention first of mice and then of bees, the frequency of certain flowers in that district” (1.3.76). These creature chains, one form determining the fate of the next, extend infinitely outward. One organism’s outcome cannot be calculated outside this chain. We may find a way to analyze life in isolated bursts but community prediction brings our difficulties to a climax.

We might be able to predict, at least, the rough shape of the tree: all its branches ascend up and stretch open. Although, there are many cases which disobey the principle of divergence. Darwin does not mention them when discussing the diagram but they recur throughout Origin. When two related species “vary in an analogous manner” they approach an “intermediate form” (1.5.162). Similarly, concurrent species can sometimes successfully combine. Yet, the diagram shows no merging branches. Nor do we see any branches that retrace their path, though species may “to a large extent, or even wholly, revert to the wild aboriginal stock” (1.1.17). While “the balance of evidence is opposed to” the idea of “the same form…recurring” years after extinction, this need not occur for us to be puzzled by potential but incomplete convergence (2.4.129).

The tree only stretches outwards and forwards, never inward or backward. It strictly depicts divergence, despite the fact that the organic spectrum intertwines in time. An individual may both approach and recede from its relations, mudding the boundaries between one form and any other. This fact and the infinitely complex chains of interaction make a veritable maze of life. Darwin doubts whether we will ever “disentangle the inextricable web of affinities” that tie living beings together (1.13.424). Yet, in this disheartening admission, lies a clue. That life may, after all, look nothing like a tree but a winding, twisted “web.”

A. The Limit

There may be another way to make life a prospective science. Darwin tells us that “Natural selection tends…to make each organic being as perfect as, or slightly more perfect than” its competitors (1.6.201). Maybe perfection is life’s limit, an endpoint where all its motion and change suddenly stops. Might Lamarck have be right, in this respect? If so, would this limit be sudden or might species drift smoothly towards it in an asymptotic fashion? Might organisms tend separately towards different ceilings, might The One do so altogether? If evolution does end, will we know it has once it is “perfect?”

The loaded word perfect comes from the Latin word perficere meaning “completed, excellent, accomplished, exquisite.” We may imagine organic excellence as something virtuous or harmonious: collective perfection. Yet, this ignores that the individuals who survive are selfish, that selection is a vicious marathon. Walking past a “tangled bank, clothed with all kinds of plants, birds singing…insects flitting,” we are overcome by beauty. Nevertheless, this peaceful scene depicts the “war of nature, [of] famine and death” (1.14.478). The grueling game of evolution follows no code of ethics.

A perfect outcome may suggest that Nature takes the “right” path. This could mean two things: first, that every living being has a preassigned course; second, that completing this course is “correct.” Darwin implies that embryos are born with all the information they require but unlike Lamarck he does not suggest they have a guiding telos. He “believe[s]” that “the cause [of variability] may have acted…on one or both parents before the act of generation” (1.2.49). Darwin also labels it a law of “highest importance in…embryology” that “at whatever period of life a peculiarity first appears, it tends to reappear in the offspring at a corresponding age” (1.1.16). Living beings develop behavior, anatomy, adaptations, and even diseases in a precise sequence. Might organisms “know” exactly what to actualize and when? Darwin seems to think along the lines of Driesch, that “true epigenesis…does exist. One thing is formed “after” the other; there is not a mere ‘unfolding’ of what visibly existed already” (3.28). Nature’s maturation may be destined but this does not render it right or wrong. A moral qualification like the second implication has no place in Origin .

Finally, we reach the limit. Perfection may mean a species is finished changing, has manifested its optimum self. Darwin tells us the opposite, that “[n]atural selection will not produce absolute perfection” (1.6.201). Yet, he also says in the case of the honey bee’s hive that “natural selection could not lead…[b]eyond this stage of perfection in architecture.” For “mathematicians [tell us] that bees have practically solved a recondite problem,” they maximize storage volume and minimize wax (1.7.233). The honey bee manifests his hive at the precise moment of architectural optimization. If future bees found a completely new and improved storage system, the honeycomb’s perfection would fall flat. Besides, this is only one of the honey bee’s perfectable traits. What about all the others? Its “success…may be dependent on the number of its enemies, or parasites, or on quite distinct causes, and so be altogether independent of the quantity of honey” it collects (1.7.232). This a highly limited case of perfection which does not ensure survival. An “ideal” organism would be excellent in every aspect. Natural Selection pushes each creature towards this better version but “will not produce” it (1.6.201).

Further, perfection is often a matter of relation. Two species are “modified and adapted in the most perfect manner to each other” (1.4.96). For “Natural selection tends only to make each organic being as perfect as, or slightly more perfect than,” other beings (1.6.201). One organism’s perfection is dependent or determined by its competitor, cooperator, or companion. It may have one perfect relationship, a million imperfect ones. When any relationship changes, in any of the complex ways it can, then the ideal shifts. Thus, there are an infinite number of sub-limits of perfection, which develop parametrically between one or more always changing organisms. Perfection evolves, too. It would not arise from the calculus, like an asymptote.

Does Darwin’s association of perfection with the process of natural selection rely on evidence or the same kind of circularity that variability and importance did? How could we measure it? Perfection may be a rhetorical tool. Darwin must explain a number of incredible natural contrivances. Acclimating us to a “natural limit” helps us get there. “Perfection” also falls intuitively from a climate of intense competition. When one conflict ends, another follows. Each separate trial demands a different array of optimal characteristics. Yet, this resorts to the cyclical “Survival of the Fittest” logic (2.3.70). Reason reinforces this loop, does reality? Might the eye or honeycomb be evidence enough? If not, how many instances of subjective perfection would?

Perfection gestures toward three potential assumptions: cooperation, correctness, and completion. But all these attributes stem more from individual, metaphysical assumptions about the universe than from identifiable facts or fragments of Darwin. Though we may conceivably stretch the calculus back to The Beginning, we have no right to extrapolate to its End.

B. Conclusion

Many serious problems still plague creature calculus. Numerous tautologies and unfathomable complexities obscure the idea of organic change. Ancestry and variability, species-hood and sterility, struggle and success, competition and relation, perfection and selection, difference and divergence dizzy us throughout Darwin’s argument. Creature calculus could prove these are not rhetorical fallacies but real phenomena. If they were, even their circularity would make sense. Only then would their conflation be due to a “true” symmetry, being two varieties of one fundamental innovation.

However, the calculus hinges on finding a determinant metric of difference or divergence. If difference could be measured, we could substantiate divergence. Yet, the first has too many components to calculate, the second is empty without proof of the first. Without difference we need divergence, and so on. This is the most daunting circle so far. Where do we look for relief?

Maybe, we can look to other scientific laws. We cannot prove Leibniz’s Conservation of Vis Viva, the idea that the “same quantity [of force] is always maintained though it may be carried by different bodies” (6.7). “For not all truths about bodily things can be derived from logical and geometrical axioms…[or] concepts that are exemplified in sense-experience.” Force belongs to the class of concepts that are “perceptible only to the mind and not through the senses” (6.7). Might we also claim that divergence is not sensible but seeable? That it is a fact of the universe just like force? Yet, mathematical physics feels more solid than the organic sciences, maybe even incontestable. What is the alternative to accepting force? The laws of life are messier, more liable to misinterpretation, multiple theories seem simultaneously plausible.

It appears we cannot know, prior to observation, that life tends towards divergence across time but we also cannot show it without assuming it first. For only then does its “evidence” become apparent. Origin asks us to take a side, to weigh instantaneous against continuous creation, to ask ourselves: which of these fits the facts better? Which one explains more of the inexplicable; which is more durable in the face of new discovery; which requires fewer caveats and relies on fewer causes?

When we put aside the circularity and press forward into the logic of evolution, Darwin’s grand argument grows on us. He berates us with many cases, many curious questions, many references to long and dry catalogues. There is no single argument which legitimizes Natural Selection. Darwin’s observations, evidence, and sometimes even experiments accumulate into something compelling. There are countless continua. In space, organisms can be linked in a line, like pigeons (1.1.29). In time, ancestor and descendant show a fine series of gradations. On the micro level, we see series in organic traits and habits, like the hives of bees (1.7.223). On the macro level, large classes only show commonality when connected in a chain, like crustaceans (1.6.186). This is only one of Darwin’s numerous arguments pursued. Like drops in a bucket, they gather, grow, and graduate into something substantial.

Maybe a calculus of creation cannot be fully pursued, maybe it can. But outside the difficulties of difference, something else feels wrong with organic algebra. A purely mathematical analysis of evolution cannot measure up to reality. The Amazon and the Great Barrier Reef are far more than the sum of their parts; they exhibit properties which no one individual can mimic. Could we synthesize separate functions into one ultimate organic history? Must any organic function ignore the effects of interaction and interdependence?

The idea that life, forever pouring forth, could be condensed into single variables is pleasing but it may make plain our hollow conceit. Will we ever be able to analyze Nature’s power, potential, or prospects? Or does that question undermine the incomprehensibility of Her reign? We may suppose that Nature is too disordered to orchestrate this kind of dynamic creation without divine instructions or guiding functions. But are we too fixated on human-centric notions of intelligence, to see the genius beneath Her motions? Darwin asks “[h]ave we any right to assume that the Creator works by intellectual powers like those of man?” (1.6.188). Might the same be said of Nature? We may well impose a guiding figure or grasp for algebraic figures out of fear, fear that the “wild” holds within it an inexplicable kind of knowledge, one that vastly outstrips our own.

Even so, Darwin’s dogged pursuit of truth is what makes Origin so powerful. He was not daunted by someone else’s disbelief. Staring down his “profound ignorance,” he still sought to untangle the web-like affinities of life (1.i.8). We might take a page from his book: leap from one series to the next, continually move from one picture to a more improved version, until we too, can approximate the past and present state of natural perfection.

Works Cited

Darwin, Charles. The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or, The Preservation of Favored Races in the Struggle for Life . 1st ed., Bantam Classic, 1999.
Darwin, Charles. The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or, The Preservation of Favored Races in the Struggle for Life . 6th London Edition ed., John Murray, 1859.
Driesch, Hans. “The First Steps of Analytical Morphogenesis.” The Science & Philosophy of the Organism , 2nd ed., A. & C. Blacks, 1929, p. 28.
Lamarck, Jean Baptiste. “Chapters III-VIII.” Philosophie Zoologique , vol. 1, Hafner Publishing Co., 1960, pp. 1–25.
Leibniz, Gottfried Wilhelm. “Avant-Propos.” Nouveaux Essais Sur L’Entendement Humain , Paris, Flammarion, 1921, pp. 17.
Leibniz, Gottfried Wilhelm. Essay in Dynamics . Jonathan Bennett, 2017.
Leibniz, Gottfried Wilhelm, and Leroy E. LOEKER. Philosophical Papers and Letters . Vol. 2, Springer Science & Business Media, 2012.
Mendeleev, Dmitrii, and Carmen Giunta. “On the Relationship of the Properties of the Elements to Their Atomic Weights.” Zeitschrift Fur Chemie , vol. 12, F. Beilstein, R. Fittig Und H. Hubner, 1869, pp. 405–406.

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50+ Senior Project Ideas You'll Be Passionate About

We've got tons of ideas to help you find the perfect senior project for you.

Kate is an experienced writer who has written hundreds of articles for publication.

Learn about our Editorial Policy .

As a senior, you might get a chance to delve deep into a topic or area of expertise that will help you narrow down your career goals or build the experience you'll need for the future. The best senior project ideas offer tons of room to dive in but also build on things you already know or are good at.

The key here is starting with an idea that you really want to explore. If you find the topic interesting, it's going to be way easier to put the work into making it happen. These are some of our favorite senior project ideas, plus tons of tips to make them your own.

Senior Project Ideas About Building Community

Is your community important to you? If you love being connected to other people, this could be a great type of project for you. There are tons of opportunities to make this work:

Create an organization that pairs elementary kids with seniors for reading practice.
Pair with a local food pantry to set up a food drive at your school.
Build an online community surrounding something that interests you.
Pick a local charity or non-profit and help them build their social media presence.
Organize a drive for gently used coats for those in need during the fall months.
Work with a local hospital and people in the community to make blankets for babies in the NICU.
Pair up with another senior across the country (or internationally) to help elementary classes in your district exchange old-fashioned letters with each other.
Organize volunteering for a local non-profit that doesn't yet have a volunteer program set up.
Meet up with a senior in your area and help them write the story of their life.

Related: Donate Your Time to These 10 Deserving Causes

Education-Related Senior Projects

If you're thinking of going into teaching or love helping people learn, there are some great senior projects that can help you make a difference and build your skills at the same time:

Build and install a little free library (with you family's permission) and keep it stocked with books.
Think of something you do well (like cooking, photography, or anything else) and teach a class for people who want to learn about it.
Job shadow a teacher at an elementary school one afternoon a week and help them in the classroom.
Ask a teacher at your school about stepping in to teach a lesson to their class.
Help newer immigrants practice their English skills by volunteering with an ESL program near you.
Tutor someone in your school in a class you're good at.
Every week, meet with an elementary kid to work on their reading.
Volunteer at a senior center to teach older adults how to better utilize their phones.
Pick something you know a lot about and give presentations to different elementary school classes on that topic.

As you're choosing a senior project, think about your values. What matters most to you? There's a project idea that will match up with what's important to you.

Ideas for Senior Projects About the Arts

The arts offer all kinds of opportunities when it comes to senior projects. From writing to fundraising, there are lots of ways to make your passion into a really cool school project:

Write a play for your school and work with other students to perform it.
Teach your chosen art to younger kids.
Write a novel or collection of short stories, working on it a little bit each week.
Create a poetry chapbook with poems about the senior experience.
Make a sculpture or painting to be displayed in your school or a local business.
Do a photo series on some aspect of your life or community.
Write and illustrate a book for kids, or a graphic novel.
Organize a talent show at your school if there isn't one already.
Create a fundraising campaign for a local gallery, museum, or arts nonprofit.

Think about what inspires you to create and then build on that with your senior project. You'll be energized and have tons of ideas to personalize your project to your own personality and school.

Senior Projects About the Environment

If protecting the environment is your passion, there are tons of ways to get involved and make this your senior project. There are large- and small-scale options for just about any situation:

Work with your neighborhood to start a community garden.
Start a garden at school so some of the school lunch ingredients are grown right there on campus.
Measure water quality in your area and work with local experts to make a list of steps people can take to improve things.
Organize a clean-up day each month to pick up litter around your school and town.
Start an initiative to reduce food waste at your school and compost the food that's been going in the trash.
Work with an activist group to improve their social media presence and help them get more members.
Use your graphic design skills to make signs and marketing materials for an environmental nonprofit.
Make a list of ways your school can reduce energy consumption and then give a report to the school board.
Create a bucket list of great outdoor destinations in your area where people can hike and enjoy nature.

Is there a specific environmental cause that really motivates you? Choose that for your project, but think about ways to make it your own with unique elements that fit your community or your school.

STEM Projects for Seniors

If you love science, math, engineering, and technology, you'll have no shortage of senior project options. Try one of these fun ideas:

Volunteer in the computer lab or work with the IT professionals in your school.
Come up with a plan to help educate seniors about technology scams they might encounter.
Work with a local clinic to bring attention to a medical concern the community faces.
Design an imaginary new wing for your school and build a model to scale.
Come up with a design for a renewable energy source to power something in your school.
Research how artifical intelligence can make a positive impact in the medical field and write a report.
Learn a programming language you don't already know and create something with it.
Use a 3D printer to create a miniature version of your school.
Take apart an old rotary phone and write instructions for how to reassemble it.

Senior Project Ideas About Social Studies

Whether you love history, are super into government, or are all about geography, your senior project can focus on social studies:

Research the history of your town and create a diorama.
Organize a postcard-writing campaign to help elect a politician.
Use the techniques of the past to make a meal, build a project, or sew something.
Work with your teachers to organize a class trip to your state capital.
Write a local history guidebook about important places in your community.
Compare maps of your state from different periods in history.
Become an intern for a local politician.
Organize a get-out-the-vote campaign especially for high school seniors who will be 18 at the next election.
Volunteer at a history museum in your area.

Let Your Passion Guide Your Project

Your senior project doesn't have to just be an assignment you're required do, it can be something you really, really care about. Let your values and your interests guide you, and you'll choose the perfect topic.

Related: 7 Senior Bio Examples to Help You Craft Your Own

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